


I Am Become (commander of) Death

by Scarlettnova



Series: Tale of Two Commanders [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Disaster Clarke Griffin, Blood and Injury, Character Death Fix, Dreams and Nightmares, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Gay Disaster Lexa (The 100), Idiots in Love, Jealous Lexa (The 100), Minor Clarke Griffin/Niylah, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character(s), Protective Lexa (The 100), Self-Harm, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Titus Being an Asshole (The 100), Violence, for now, jasper has some issues with Clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:01:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 82,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlettnova/pseuds/Scarlettnova
Summary: Clarke would do anything to save her people. Even if it meant giving up her soul…or leaving the love of her life.It’s been two months since Clarke returned to Arkadia and the barricade went into effect. Two months of living under the terrifying rule of Chancellor Pike, who will stop at nothing to get vengeance. When the barricade falls Clarke finds herself summoned back to Polis. Back to Lexa. But Clarke isn’t the same person she was when she left, she’s lost her way. When new and deadly threats rear their head Clarke must figure out, without the mask of Wanheda, just who she truly is.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: Tale of Two Commanders [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924036
Comments: 46
Kudos: 196





	1. Look What You Made Me Do

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I'm back, and this time with some Clexa.
> 
> Just some quick things to keep in mind before you start:   
> 1) This takes place around the time that Season 3 does, however everything that happened after Lexa died (in S3) does not happen in this fic.  
> 2) Lexa is still alive and kicking. So is Thalia by the way, I liked her character in the book and decided to put her in here with some minor changes.  
> 3) I do use some names and references to the books, but the fic itself is centered around the show since Lexa doesn't exist in the books.   
> 4) Finally, be warned, this work contains some content that could be upsetting/disturbing to read. I will put warnings, but just be careful.
> 
> Chapter warning: violence and blood description.   
> **also, I apologize for any spelling mistakes**  
> And that's it! I hope you like this

**Clarke**

It was raining. Hard. Fat raindrops slammed into the ground over and over, turning the formerly neat dirt paths in Arkadia, to a muddy sludge. Everyone had already fled inside, seeking shelter from the pounding rain and bitter cold accompanying it.

All except one.

Clarke was crouched in the shadows of the horse stables, oblivious to the fact that cold water was slowly seeping into her clothes. She was too preoccupied with staring at the entrance to Arkadia’s blacksmith shop.

Abruptly the door to the shop swung open and she jumped, accidentally knocking her leg against the wall making a loud thud. She froze as the two people paused and looked over. There was another loud thud behind her and then a loud whinny sounded nearly making her jump out of her skin.

“It’s just the horses.” One of the men said. She let out a small gasp and leaned forwards, frowning.

The two people that had come out of the shop were easily recognizable. One was a rather short but bulky figure and the other taller and more wiry.

All thoughts of leaving left her mind. Leaning forwards even more, Clarke strained her ears, desperate to hear anything that would give her a clue as to why _Marcus Kane_ was talking with Charles Pike.

“-think it could help boost some spirit.” He was saying.

Pike shrugged and scanned their surroundings again. For a moment his eyes lingered on the stables and even though Clarke knew he couldn’t see her, she pressed herself more firmly against the wall. _Calm down,_ she ordered herself, _there’s no way he knows you’re here. Stop imagining things._ Despite this train of thought, however, she couldn’t help but slowly start to back up.

“Hey!”

The loud voice made her flinch and instinctively she reached backward, hand going to the sword strapped to her back.

Out in the rain Kane was advancing on Pike, incensed. “We need to do this if we have any chance of stopping all of Arkadia from turning on you!”

Back in the stables, Clarke perked up. Forgetting the possible dangers of staying, she slid forward several feet and settled herself onto her stomach, well within hearing range. As she did she withdrew from an inner pocket a very damp piece of paper and a stick of charcoal.

As Kane continued talking she bent over her paper and started scribbling down what he was saying.

“Listen, we’re on the same side here alright Charles? I just want to see all of us get through this alive. But everyone’s hungry and some people are starting to stir up talk of a rebellion.”

“Who are they?” Pike said instantly.

Clarke rolled her eyes. His people were starving and all Pike cared about were the names of the people willing to fight to survive. Disgusting.

“Last I heard, it was some people from Factory station,” Kane said impatiently. “But listen, they’re willing to go to drastic measures. And if they managed to take control of the mess hall then they really could.

“Go on.”

“The hallways all lead to the mess hall. If someone were to seize control of that room then they would have easy access to anything in the Ark. They could control food, water, who could come inside.”

Pike let out a short laugh. “You think that a couple of doors are going to stand in the way of me? I could just blow them open.”

“But where would you get the detonator? All supplies are two hallways down. I’m telling you Pike, you need to do this, for the good of all of us.”

Clarke paused in her note-taking, listening hard. There was a pause, then a loud sigh.

“Sounds like what I need to do is double the guards and start splitting people up. That way they can’t all be together. If they do close the doors, I could always kill a few and convince them to open up.”

White hot anger suddenly pulsed beneath Clarke’s skin and she narrowly avoided snapping her stick of charcoal. _You mean,_ ** _I_** _would kill them for you?_ She thought furiously. She was so upset she nearly missed what Kane was saying.

“I’m begging you, don’t do this. No one will like this, or you for that matter.”

Clarke started wiggling backward, seeking the small alleyway that led back towards the Ark. She’d heard enough.

Once she was out of sight she pushed herself up onto her feet and carefully put her notes away. Thalia and Octavia would be thrilled when they heard what she was planning to do.

The thought of a smile on the former’s face made one appear on her own and she couldn’t resist a soft laugh as she hurried back to the Ark. 

This was going to be good.

* * *

“You want to do what now?!” Octavia’s eyes were comically wide and she looked like someone had just told her that the barricade had been lifted.

“I want to start a riot,” Clarke repeated, toweling her hair dry. She’d made it back to the Ark undetected and managed to get word to Octavia to meet her back in her room.

“I like it.” Thalia piped up from where she was seated at Clarke’s desk. The sixteen-year olds’ face was unusually grim as she read through the notes Clarke had taken. “It’s the perfect diversion for what we need to do. No doubt Pike’s already warned the guards by now of riots so they’re all going to be focused on trying to control the mess hall. No one would suspect us of going after the Chancellor.”

Inwardly, Clarke smiled. Thalia’s lessons were paying off. On the outside, however, she frowned. “Pike might. We already know he’s paranoid and with Kane’s warning he might suspect us of something like this.” She turned to Octavia. “I’d need more help to pull something like this off, unfortunately. Do you think some of the others would be interested?”

Octavia snorted. “Are you kidding me? Everyone will be thrilled when they hear what’s going to happen. I mean, just last week Raven was saying that if she could, she would stick a-”

“Alright.” Clarke interrupted before the younger girl could say anything more. “I get it. We’re not the only ones who hate Pike.” Tossing her towel onto the floor she walked over to her desk and started sifting through the piles of paper there. Extracting three sheets she turned and handed Octavia and Thalia a sheet.

“If we’re going to do this we need to be prepared to move via vent. It’s pretty straightforward in the vents but it’s going to get pretty rough once things get going and I’d rather you all not get lost or turned around up there.”

“Good thinking,” Octavia said thoughtfully. “And this way, we have less of a risk of getting trampled by the crowds.”

“Trampled?” A fourth voice spoke up, this time from Clarke’s bed. Niylah frowned as she put down the book she’d been mending. “People are going to get trampled?”

“No.” Clarke said at the same time Octavia nodded her head.

“No.” She said a little more forcefully, throwing a dirty look at her friend. “It’s not our plan for people to get hurt. But with the number of people who are willing to fight back, the chances of someone getting injured are high.”

Niylah looked only slightly relieved at that. “Be careful alright?” She said eventually. “I don’t want to hear that any of you got hurt.”

“We’ll be safe.” Thalia said giving her a reassuring smile. “I’ll keep a close eye on Clarke though if it makes you feel any better.”

Niylah smiled and stood, turning towards Clarke. Crossing to her she enveloped her in a tight hug. “Watch out for Thalia alright?” She whispered.

Clarke nodded and gave her a quick kiss before pulling away. She would do that even if Niylah hadn’t asked her to do it.

“With any luck, by this time tonight, Pike’s rule will be over.” She announced. “Everyone will be free and hopefully, the barricade will lift too.”

“I can’t wait.” Thalia said darkly. Clarke nodded in agreement. “Let’s go.”

Clarke swung her cloak back onto her shoulders and opened the door again. Glancing at Niylah one more time she stepped out into the hallway and waited for the others to follow her. Once they were all in the hallway, she withdrew her own map.

“Octavia, go tell the others the plan. They should be in the mess hall for tonight’s drinks. Thalia I need you to stand lookout while I make sure that Pike stays away from everyone long enough for Octavia to stir up the crowd.” Flipping the hood of her cloak up she prepared herself for the frigid rain once more before a thought struck her. Turning towards Octavia she held out her arm.

“May we meet again.”

Octavia reached out and clasped her arm. “May we meet again.” She echoed solemnly. Turning to Thalia she did the same thing before turning and heading off down the hall towards the area where the rest of her friends were staying.

“Was that really necessary?” Thalia asked, watching her go.

Clarke nodded. “Death is everywhere. Any one of us could easily be killed by a stray bullet or the angry crowds. Better to say good-bye while we still can.”

“But you’re the _Commander_ of Death.” Thalia said quietly. “Don’t you have some power over who get’s to die?”

Clarke’s stomach twisted horribly at the teenager’s words. _Good people die because of you,_ her mind whispered. Shaking her head she forced her voice to be calm. “I need you to follow ever direction I give alright?” She said, tone making it clear that the subject was changed whether Thalia liked it or not. “Especially when it comes to Pike. I know you hate him, and I do too, but in order to carry this out you’re going to need a level head.”

“I promise to listen to you.” Thalia said.

“Good. Now come on.” Taking her hand Clarke pulled her towards the loose paneling she’d discovered a while back.

Sticking her hands behind it she gave it a firm tug and smiled in satisfaction as it came loose. So far so good. Carefully sliding the paneling aside, she stuck her head in the hollow space behind it and listened carefully. Nothing except for the rain sounded.

“Alright, get in there. It leads out into the main clearing though, so be careful about going out.”

She waited until Thalia had disappeared down the passage before starting to hoist herself through the opening. Dropping to the floor she reached back and carefully pulled the paneling back into place. Once it was in place, she turned around and started carefully back down the tunnel, careful to keep her steps as quiet as possible.

When she reached the end, she found Thalia waiting for her besides another loose panel.

“Anyone so far?” She asked.

Thalia shook her head and helped her out. “The guards appear to have left their usual posts and so far no one’s come to check on them.”

“Huh,” Clarke looked around uneasily. There was no way that Pike could already know about their plan to overthrow him, it had been less than fifteen minutes since Clarke had even voiced it aloud. And yet…something seemed off.

Making up her mind, she beckoned to Thalia and started making her way towards the main entranceway to the Ark.

“If anyone besides me tries to enter make up some excuse. Do anything to keep them from getting in and disrupting the plan.” She instructed when they reached the hatch. “If Pike shows up then it means something happened to me and you’re going to run.”

Almost immediately Thalia opened her mouth to protest, but Clarke cut her off with a raised hand (and if she’d learned that technique from a certain grounder, she was certainly not about to admit that). “Remember your promise.” She said sternly. “If Pike comes back, you are to leave and find Niylah. Once you do, take her and hide until Octavia or Lincoln come for you.”

For a second it looked like Thalia would argue but then she took a breath and pushed down her emotion. Just like Clarke had taught her. “Alright.” She said finally.

“Good.” Clarke drew her in for a hug. “I’ll come back as soon as I can alright?” She murmured.

Thalia nodded and squeezed her tightly before letting go. “May we meet again.” She said, somewhat shakily.

“We will.” Clarke promised.

Giving her one last smile she turned on her heel and headed out into the cold rain. One way or another, after she found Pike, only one of them would walk back through that entrance. For Thalia’s sake, she hoped it was her.

By the time she found Pike, she was soaked again. She’d heard loud voices and sure enough when she followed them, there he was. Gesturing wildly and furious.

Ducking behind a nearby bush she glanced around. From what she could see, there were only two guards with him. Immediately her sense of unease returned. Usually Pike had about ten guards with, and hidden, around him.

Leaving behind the bush she crept closer until she was concealed behind a wall and well within earshot.

“What do you mean they’ve overpowered the guards?! I posted extra not half an hour ago!”

One of the guards said something quietly and immediately Pike turned on him. “Led? They were led? That’s not possible, I killed all the leaders!”

Clarke felt a familiar stab of anger along with relief. Octavia must have managed to get the crowds going.

Peering out she saw the same guard flinch away from his furious leader.

“They couldn’t have done it on their own, they’re all spineless! They must have had outside help!”

_That’s right,_ Clarke thought sarcastically. _Who else that you left alive could have possibly led this?_

“Griffin!” Pike snarled. “I knew letting her live was an unwise decision.” Whirling around he stabbed a finger at the second guard, who, up until this point had been silent. “This’ll teach you to not trust that grounder lover.”

The guard stiffened. “Is there evidence that it’s Clarke behind the riots?” He asked.

Clarke nearly gasped out loud. The second guard was Bellamy Blake. Seething, she glared at his back.

“Antonov said it wasn’t the Griffin girl.” The first guard said tremulously. “He said it was…” He trailed off, glancing at Bellamy fearfully.

“Said it was who?” Pike demanded. “Who led the riots?!”

“Octavia Blake sir.” The guard managed to get out before quailing under Bellamy’s glare.

“My sister would never do something so foolish!” Bellamy snapped.

_Oh she certainly would._ Clarke thought. 

Pike turned towards Bellamy. “Your sister has always refused to see my point of view Bellamy. If Antonov is right and it really was her leading the riots then I’m afraid she must answer for her crimes.”

“Sir,” Bellamy pleaded, “please. She doesn’t think about the consequences of her actions. She’s been corrupted by the others. If you allow me, I can make her see your views.”

For a moment Pike wavered. Then he shook himself and turned away. “You better make sure she’s completely complaint by the time we’re through that barricade.” He warned. “Because if she’s not then I _will_ punish her for what she’s done.”

Clarke frowned. The barricade?

“I promise you, she’ll be on our side.”

“Good.” Pike said. “Now come on, we’re losing light. If we want to catch up to the others we better leave now.”

He turned to the first guard. “Go find Miller and Graham and go to the mess hall. Do whatever it takes to get into that hall, I want it open by the time I return, understand?”

The guard nodded and immediately left as fast as he could.

Pike and Bellamy turned and headed for the main gate, Clarke following closely behind.

Her mind was racing as she tried to make sense of what she’d just heard. It sounded like Pike was planning to go after the barricade. But that made no sense. Arkadia had nowhere near the size of forces they’d need to try and force their way through. Pike knew that, in fact she’d told him so herself. But he’d seemed very confident about it, which made her extremely nervous.

She was so lost in thought that she nearly walked out in view. Thankfully she managed to hide behind the stairway of the lookout tower before either Pike or Bellamy noticed.

She watched as the two slipped out through the gate, not even bothering to close it behind them. Unease growing, she waited for a minute before heading out after them.

Thankfully, neither of them had quite mastered the art of moving quietly _or_ trying to avoid leaving tracks yet. She followed them at a distance, close enough that she could hear their (loud) footsteps but far enough back that she wouldn’t be easily seen should one of them look back.

Twenty minutes later and she was starting to get annoyed. The two didn’t seem to be very interested in getting to their destination as fast as possible. In fact, if anything they seemed to be taking their sweet time. Occasionally she would even hear snatches of conversation as she walked.

By the time that they started to speed up the shadows had begun to creep up around the forest and the rain had slowed slightly.

Clarke glanced around before shrugging back the left shoulder of her cloak to expose the hilt of her sword. Something told her that she was going to need it before the night was over. 

When the two ahead of her stopped, she frowned. They weren’t near enough the barricade yet. Peering forwards she looked around, confused.

“Sir!” A new voice made all three of them jump. Clarke glanced sideways and recognized the form of Bryan, boyfriend of Nate Miller. She scowled, she’d liked Nate, he had always seemed to have good intentions. Apparently not anymore.

“Good grief Bryan, make a little noise before you appear, we could have shot you.” Bellamy exclaimed.

Bryan shrugged and turned towards Pike. “Sir, we have the prisoner secured. She put up a good fight on the way here but she stopped when she realized where we were going.”

Clarke felt as if someone had just doused her in water colder than the rain. Pike had a prisoner somewhere in the woods.

She felt sick. Thalia never should have come. She should have had her stay in her room with Niylah, or better, had them both hide in one of Niylah’s secret rooms. But now, because of her, Thalia was probably tied up and scared out of her mind, surrounded by the people that had turned her life to living hell.

“Good.” Pike said, oblivious to the inner turmoil going on not ten feet from him. “Let’s go check on her one last time shall we?”

The three men turned and strode off into the shadows, catching Clarke unawares.

Hastening to her feet she quickly hurried after them, barely remembering to be quiet.

They were now moving in a parallel line to the barricade and Clarke could feel her heart rate increasing with each step she took. If Pike even _tried_ to touch a hair on Thalia’s head Clarke would make sure he died a painful death.

“We’re right here.” Bryan announced and, in the fast fading light Clarke could just make out what looked like all the guards in Arkadia.

For a moment all thoughts of Thalia fled her mind as she stared. It had taken sixteen people to kill three hundred and in front of her was…a lot more than sixteen. For the first time Clarke felt worried. This was going to be a bloodbath.

“Where is she?” Pike demanded, looking around. “Where’s the prisoner.”

“Over there sir.” Bryan said pointing to a spot where several guards were clumped together.

“Alright, let’s make sure she can talk before going to the barricade. After all, we need her people to believe we have one of their own if we want to draw them out.”

Her people. So it wasn’t Thalia then. Clarke frowned and sank down behind a tree thinking. It sounded like Pike thought the grounders would want the girl back. Which, unfortunately for them, wasn’t going to happen. She knew they’d never take the bait. If they didn’t accept Niylah then they certainly weren’t going to-

Niylah.

She was on her feet in a flash, peering back around the tree trunk. A new, but no different kind of horror creeping over her.

Pike and Bellamy had reached the clump of guards and as she watched, Pike crouched down and did something.

“Go float yourself!” A familiar voice spat, loud enough so that even Clarke could hear. And even though she was speaking English and using Skaikru curses, there was no missing the lilting accent that marked Niylah as Trikru.

Clarke watched in stunned silence as Pike laughed and hauled Niylah up by her arm. Dragging her forwards, Pike turned to face the guards. “Today,” he announced, “we get through that barricade.”

He released Niylah’s arm but shoved her forwards. With her hands and legs bound, Niylah tripped and fell hard onto her side.

A few of the guards snickered but most just looked away uncomfortably.

Niylah sat up and stared at Pike. In the light from the rising moon Clarke saw tears silently falling down her cheeks.

It was this that finally jarred her from her trance-like state. Sure, Niylah got upset but she, like Clarke, did not allow herself to cry in front of others. And here she was, tears mixing with the rain while she cried openly.

She was moving before she even knew it.

“Pike! We need to talk.” Her voice rang out loud and clear, so there was no mistaking who she was.

Pike jerked and met her gaze, visibly startled.

She reached back and slid her sword free of its sheath. “You took someone from me. I’d like her back.”

“Clarke?” Bellamy sounded incredulous as he appeared to her right. “What are you doing here?”

“Fool.” She said coldly. “You really think you can convince Octavia to follow Pike? She might have listened to you once but no one, not even her, will listen to a traitor.”

Bellamy flinched, looking like she’d just slapped him. But she didn’t feel guilty, only raw anger.

“Octavia?” Pike seemed to have recovered from his surprise. “You think you know anything about Octavia, Clarke? Your own friends hate you, and still you believe they’ll follow you into death’s arms.”

Clarke swallowed her revulsion as she turned her glare onto him. She was _not_ going to play his mind games. “I’m not the one leading them to their deaths. You are.”

“Really?” Pike took a step forwards, clearly enjoying himself. “Then why did they turn a blind eye to your needs? You were dying and not a single one of them even stepped forwards to help.”

Her hands were shaking slightly. “They didn’t know.” She forced out. “No one knew you were torturing me. Because of you. You’re a monster.”

“Am I?” Pike frowned. “Then what does that make you? Or do you just prefer Wanheda?”

Clarke snapped. She lunged forwards and would have run the man through with her sword had a guard not already been between them. The two collided and she just managed to dodge the shock baton aimed at her side. Flipping her sword, she slammed the hilt into the man’s temple and watched as he slumped sideways.

Her moment of satisfaction was brief. As soon as she hit the guard the others all rushed for her. Under Pike’s urging, they attacked her.

Clarke twisted and slashed and stabbed, feral in her anger. Soon the air reeked with the metallic smell of blood and her arms and face were red. Guards fell dead left and right under her sword. She felt no remorse or guilt, only fury. 

There were too many.

A knife buried itself in her upper thigh while a shock baton made contact with her abdomen. Shuddering and shaking from the electricity Clarke’s sword flew from her fingers and she dropped to the ground. They were on her like dogs, and in her weakened state she could only protect her head as they flew at her.

“Die, Wanheda.” A voice hissed above her. She opened her eyes just enough to see a guard aiming a pistol at her face. She squeezed her eyes closed and thought of Niylah and Thalia. _I’m so sorry,_ she thought, _I’ll see you on the other side._

Holding her breath, she waited for her life to end. A moment passed, then another.

She opened her eyes just in time to see Nate Miller run him through with a sword. Her sword.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, extending a hand towards her. She stared at him. Then looked around. All around her, guards were fighting guards. She spotted Nate’s father, David, punch Bellamy square in the mouth and suddenly understood.

“Octavia told you about the plan didn’t she?”

Nate nodded. “Raven radioed and told us that this was it. I got word to every guard that we knew supported you and waited for a sign. Guess you were it.”

“I…” Clarke was stunned. Sitting up she winced as the knife sent waves of pain through her leg. “Couldn’t have done it any sooner?” She said, wincing as she checked the wound.

Nate grimaced. “Sorry, about that. We would have but we needed to make sure that Pike wasn’t here when we attacked.”

“What?” Clarke looked around. True to his word, Pike was nowhere in sight. Neither was Niylah.

“Where did he go?” She demanded, scrambling upwards. She made it most of the way before her injured leg buckled and she nearly fell before Nate caught her.

“He ran for the barricade last I saw.” He said, sensing her worry. “Why?”

“He’s got Niylah.” Clarke said. Taking her sword from him she quickly re-sheathed it. Releasing him, she tried a step forwards. Her leg burned but it held.

“Hold on!” Nate exclaimed, ducking as a knife sailed through the air. “Where are you going?”

“To get Niylah back and kill Pike.” She said taking another step.

“Here, use me.” Nate said quickly, draping her arm around his neck.

She felt a surge of gratitude. She took back her scorn. Clearly, Nate hadn’t changed much.

Leaning on him, the two managed to clear the fighting still happening and make it to the ridge line. Peering around, Clarke strained her eyes, desperate to find Niylah.

“There!” Nate pointed to the bottom of the hill where Pike was doing his best to drag along a frantic Niylah. He glanced their way, saw them, and immediately started to re-double his efforts. 

Clarke all but dragged Nate down the hill in her haste to get to them. When she was almost to the bottom, she let go of him and surged forward. Half-running half-falling she plowed into Pike sending him falling back.

In an instant she whipped the knife out of her thigh and had it held to his neck. “If you want to live I suggest you don’t fight.”

Pike seemed to be fine with that because he fell limp.

Careful to keep the blade of her knife tight against his neck, Clarke looked over at Niylah who was staring at her wide-eyed.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked quickly.

Niylah nodded and she let some of her guilt go. “Nate Miller’s coming, we can trust him alright?”

Pike moved slightly and immediately she turned back to him. “What? Surprised to figure out that not all the guards are on your side?” She asked. Scoffing she was about to turn back to Niylah when a cry of pain behind her, made her startle.

Looking up she saw Nate, who had finally made it to the bottom of the slope. He was staring in horror at the arrow sticking out of his shoulder. The next second Niylah crashed into him, driving him to the ground as another arrow split the air above their heads.

Looking up, Clarke realized how close they were to the barricade walls. The noise from her fight and all her yelling must have alerted them to their presence.

Pike squirmed again as more arrows hissed through the air. For a moment, she was annoyed. And then, she realized who she had under her knife.

“Hod op!” She yelled as loud as she could, hoping they would hear her Trigedasleng.

“Ai laik Wanheda, en ai haf Chancellor Pike kom Skaikru!”

_I’m the Commander of Death, and I have Chancellor Pike of Skaikru._


	2. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke deals with the aftermath of getting rid of Pike while Arkadia receives an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: blood description.  
> Sorry everyone, I meant to post sooner but then the final episode of The 100 came out and I opened a really long Clexa fic and things went downhill from there. I've figured it out though and I'll post a new chapter every Thursday (or every other Thursday if I'm busy).  
> Also just to clear some things up, the scene in 3x07 where Clarke went to say goodbye to Lexa, that never happened here. Lexa and Clarke are NOT together yet, so Clarke is not cheating on anyone by being with Niylah. Sorry if that wasn't clear.  
> Thank you for all the kudos and everything it means a lot to me.

**Clarke**

For a moment nothing happened.

Then all around her torches flared to life lighting up the area with harsh yellow light .

She flinched slightly but held her ground, refusing to be intimidated, even when she saw just how many grounders there were.

“ _Wanheda_?” A voice asked, and instantly her head jerked up in surprise. She knew that voice, the familiar timbre burned into her memory after many nights spent waking up screaming, hands reaching for someone she could never quite save. The woman that she hadn’t been able to stop the Mountain from taking again.

“ _Anya_?”

The woman took a step forwards and instantly her throat seemed to close up. Because it really _was_ her.She was dressed in her usual dark clothing, this time with a red piece of cloth across one shoulder.

Clarke’s heart ached at the sight of the sash. She was wearing _her_ colors.

Shaking her head she pressed her knife harder into Pike’s neck. “I have Chancellor Pike.” She repeated, this time in English. “The one responsible for the deaths of three hundred of your people.”

The reaction was immediate. The surrounding warriors bristled and reached for their weapons. But Clarke looked only at Anya, still not entirely convinced that she wasn’t imagining the female warrior’s presence.

“I have a message for the Commander.” She continued. “Tell her that I did my part. Skaikru’s leader has fallen and the barricade can be lifted now.”

Anya gave her an unreadable look at the mention of the Commander but she nodded. “I will pass it along.” She said.

Clarke felt overwhelming relief flow through her and all of a sudden she just felt tired. “Quickly would be nice too.” She added.

Anya’s eyes narrowed but she said nothing else, keeping her eyes firmly on Pike who was lying quietly on the ground glaring furiously at the grounders around him.

“Take him.” Clarke said suddenly, releasing her grip on his neck and stepping back. “Skaikru doesn’t need prisoners and without him around we will not fall into the same trap as we did before.”

Pike looked up at her, surprise and panic spreading throughout his face. “You’re just going to hand me over?” He asked, voice hoarse after her tight hold.

“I am.” She replied coolly.

He stared at her in shock before his expression melted into something else. “I was right. You really _don’t_ care for the others if you’re going to sentence them to death for your revenge. Their blood is sacred, and you're wasting it.”

“No. You were killing _us._ ” She snapped. “I had to do this, to save them all.”

“But what if they don’t want to be saved?” Pike said, raising his voice. “You say you’re saving them but you don’t know them at all. That’s why they hate you, because your decisions are never what they wanted. Only you.”

Clarke wrenched her eyes away from the man and looked at Anya. “Take him.”

The woman scrutinized her for a moment before raising her hand. Instantly the other grounders descended on Pike.

She slipped out of the way and turned back to Anya who was still watching her with an expression on her face that looked oddly like sadness. “Thank you for saving me from the Mountain Men.” She said quietly and Clarke’s surprise grew.

But she kept a neutral expression and shook her head. “Your Commander saved you, not me.”

Turning her back on the mass of Grounders she limped her way back to where she’d last seen Niylah and Miller hiding. With any luck they’d be able to get back to camp before the sun went up.

“Clarke!” Niylah exclaimed as soon as she passed by the bush where they had fallen. “There you are!”

“Hi.” She said, trying for a smile. Looking over Niylah’s shoulder she spotted Nate who was sitting beside her looking shocked.

“You gave him over to the grounders?” He asked, sounding slightly awed.

“They’ll choose the right death for him.” Sinking onto one knee she reached out and gently examined Niylah’s hands which were still bound tightly with rope.

“I tried to untie her,” Nate said apologetically, “But the knots are too tight for me.”

“Your arm is hurt.” Niylah reminded him sternly, “you need to keep pressure on it.”

“You better listen to your doctor.” Clarke said amused. Eyeing the rope she raised the knife that had previously been lodged in her leg and started sawing through the knots.

“And you.” Niylah turned her eyes on the blonde. “You think you’re the only one who knows you were stabbed?”

“Figures, you’re more worried about the people around you than yourself.” She teased before sobering. “Pike didn’t hurt you did he?”

Niylah’s smile faded slightly. “No he didn’t. But he definitely knew about me staying in your room.”

Clarke frowned. “That’s impossible. I smashed all the cameras in the halls and me and Thalia swept for listening chips. Plus you only stay at my room every other week for one night, how could he possibly know which night you were supposed to be there?”

“I have no idea.” The Trikru woman admitted. “It makes me wonder if he knew about it from the start.”

Clarke grimaced. If that were the case, she was surprised Pike had let it happen for so long.

Drawing the blade through the last of the rope she tugged it off Niylah’s wrists. “There.”

Turning to Nate she eyed the wound on his shoulder. There was a clumsy makeshift bandage over it, most likely from the bottom of his shirt. She wrinkled her nose distastefully, the cloth was probably not sterile at all.

Sighing she reached for the bandage only to have Nate jerk out of her grip.

“We should go check on the wounded,” He said, “there might be worse.”

 _Of course_ , she realized, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world, _he’s worried about his father_.

Clearing her throat she rose to her feet. “Do we know which guards won?”

He winced and looked away. “They grew silent a little bit after you and that one grounder started talking. I don’t know who won…or who’s alive.”

Clarke nodded feeling a vicious headache coming. What she wouldn’t give to fall into bed and sleep peacefully for hours. “Let’s go see.”

When they got to the clearing, she had to stop and take deep breaths to avoid throwing up.

Blood was everywhere. Red liquid staining the ground and trees, and the air stank with the coppery smell.

“You did all this?” Niylah asked quietly, surveying the dead bodies on the ground.

“Yeah.” No point in sugarcoating it, even if she hadn’t killed them personally she was still the reason that the guards were even fighting each other in the first place.

Nate wasn’t paying attention. He was frantically scanning the ground, looking for any sign of his dad. As soon as he saw the small huddle of survivors he was gone, running over as quickly as he could.

Clarke followed him at a slower pace. As she walked, she peered down at each face on the ground, committing each to memory. Later, she’d have to find out if any of them had any family.

“Clarke! Come here quick!” Nate’s panicky shout made her look up.

“What is it?” She asked as soon as she reached his side.

He looked down at his father who was clutching at his leg. “He got shot.”

Frowning Clarke knelt down and quickly examined the wound. The bullet hadn’t hit anything vital and judging from the way that David was talking to his son, he wasn’t in too much shock.

“It should be fine.” She said eventually. Turning to Nate she gave him a pointed look. “Both of you are going to need to rest if you want to avoid further hurting yourself alright? If you overextend yourselves you might not heal right, got it?”

“Noted.” He said and, reaching out, grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Thank you Clarke. You saved us from that monster.”

For a moment she just stared at him uncomprehendingly. Thankfully she was saved from answering by Niylah yelling her name.

Turning she spotted her kneeling on the other side of the clearing looking upset. Frowning she jogged over to her, carefully to not step on anyone.

“He’s still alive.” Niylah said as soon as she reached her side. “I can’t find any sign of injury on him.”

Confused, Clarke knelt down and squinted at the person Niylah was talking about. In the darkness she could just make out what looked like dark curls and immediately her stomach gave a horrible lurch.

“ _Bellamy?!"_

* * *

In the end Clarke didn’t kill him.

Instead she had some of the able-bodied guards drag him behind them, hands and feet tightly bound. A far kinder fate than he deserved, in her opinion. Still, the others had been adamant about second chances and she was not about to start on insisting on things only she wanted to happen.

They were an odd sight when they emerged from the forest. Everyone was spattered in blood and some of the guards were dragging along the ones who had been supportive of Pike’s rule. Clarke brought up the rear, probably the most blood soaked of them all.

She was faintly aware of the whispers of the crowds as they passed but her mind was fixed only on finding Thalia.

A minute later she heard her name being called and next thing she knew the brunette had seized her by the shoulders. “Where were you?” She demanded angrily. “What happened and why are you covered in blood?”

Clarke ignored all of her questions and pulled the girl into a tight hug, not caring in the least that everyone was watching and just relieved the girl was alright. “I’m sorry I disappeared.” She said against the top of her head. “But what matters right now is that we’re free.”

Thalia stepped backwards a look of confusion on her face. “We’re…free? Is…” She trailed off and Clarke nodded.

“We’re free. Pike is gone.” Even though she’d been talking to Thalia, some people were unashamedly eavesdropping, curious about the two. At the mention of Pike, they immediately turned towards their neighbors and relayed the message. Soon the whole crowd was buzzing with excitement.

“Clarke!” Octavia came pushing through the crowd, flanked by Raven and Monty. “Is it true?” She demanded. “Is Pike really gone?”

The crowd went silent and turned towards Clarke with bated breath. She glanced around before turning to Octavia. “Yes.” She said simply, “he is.”

The reaction was immediate, smiles and tentative laughter was breaking out all over as the people of Arkadia released a collective breath. They were free.

Thalia turned back to Clarke with an admiring look. “How’d you do it?” She asked.

Clarke was about to answer when Nate appeared. “Clarke, we got the prisoners properly secured. What do you want to do with them?”

She had just opened her mouth when Raven cut in. “What, so she’s in charge now?” The mechanic’s tone was hostile and she shot the blonde a suspicious look.

“I’m not in charge.” Clarke said firmly. “I don’t want to be. We need another election to determine whose going to be the new Chancellor.”

Ignoring the hurt that came from Raven’s reaction towards her she turned to Nate. “Where is my mother?”

He winced. “Last time I checked, she was still in lock-up.”

She frowned. “Lock-up? What’s she doing in there?”

Octavia grimaced. “Pike was worried about Kane’s loyalty since he was the former Chancellor. So he locked Abby up just a little bit after you came back. It was his way of making sure Kane didn’t try to help any of us.”

So that’s why he’d been talking to Pike earlier. If Clarke hadn’t already given Pike to the grounders than she would probably have killed them right then and there.

“Get her out of the cells and put the prisoners in them.” She said quickly. Nate and Octavia nodded and she turned back to Thalia. “I need you to go find Niylah okay? Help her back to my room and stay there until I come back for you alright? She’ll be able to explain what happened.”

Thalia nodded and flashed her a quick smile before darting off into the crowds.

“Who is she?” Monty’s voiced made her start and she instinctively gripped her knife tighter.

“I’m sorry?”

He gestured in the direction that Thalia had gone. “Her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before.”

“She’s one of the hundred. I saved her from Pike.” Clarke said shortly. Monty might be able to be trusted but until she could know for sure she was going to stick to short truths. The less they knew the better.

Thankfully he didn’t seem too interested in her answer and was already turning towards a scowling Raven.

Heaving a long sigh she turned towards the guards. Her headache was getting worse and already she was regretting going with Nate and Octavia. Rubbing her temple she cast one longing look towards her room before following the guards to the holding cells.

When they entered the area she had to strain her eyes to see in the dim lighting.

“Mom?” She called uncertainly.

There was a rustling sound and then someone moved closer to the bars. “Clarke?”

Despite her best-efforts Clarke could feel a prickle in the back of her eyes. Clearing her throat, she looked to Nate who withdrew the keys from his pocket and approached the locks.

She waited until she heard the click until moving forwards and opening the cell door.

“Clarke!” Her mother appeared in the doorway, eyes filled with unshed tears as she looked at her daughter for the first time in two months. Then she frowned. “What’s going on? Where’s Pike, does he know about this? Why are you covered in blood? Are you _bleeding_?”

Grabbing her daughter Abby looked her over, trying to find any wounds.

“Mom wait,” Clarke squirmed out of her hold. “None of this blood is mine.”

Abby shook her head, “your leg is bleeding, what happened?”

Clarke opened her mouth and then paused. “Will you come with me?” She asked finally. “It would be easier if I only had to explain this once.”

Abby looked even more confused at the suggestion but she gladly followed her away from the cells. Nate and Octavia trailed silently behind them although Clarke knew that they would have much rather stayed with the prisoners in the cells than hang around and talk.

Emerging from the hatch back into the clearing she was relieved to find that Raven and Monty were still there, now with Harper and Jasper.

Harper spotted her first. Her face lit up and instantly she was there throwing her arms around her. Clarke tensed at the touch before awkwardly patting her on the back.

“Where have you been?” Harper exclaimed, drawing back. “We thought that something had happened to you! We were so worried.”

Behind her Raven and Jasper exchanged looks and Clarke had the sinking feeling that Harper might have been alone in her worry.

“Well I’m here now.” She said firmly. “Would you all mind coming with me? I need to talk to you.”

Monty nodded but (unsurprisingly) Raven shook her head. “Why don’t you tell us all Clarke?” She said loudly. “After all, we’re all here so you might as well tell us what happened to Pike right?” Around her, the surrounding crowds looked up, interested.

Clarke gritted her teeth. “Fine.” She said tightly and turned so that she could see everyone. “Pike’s gone because I intercepted the team of guards that were headed to break through the barrier. I gave him to the grounders.” Swallowing the lump in her throat she tried not to look at Nate. “Would any families of the guard please come visit me or Nate Miller? There were some…casualties.”

The crowd shifted at the words and she could already feel the slight hostile air forming. Turning away she looked at Octavia. “Speaking of the guard, your brother was among the survivors. He should be in the cells now.”

Octavia’s eyes went wide. “Bellamy was there?”

Clarke nodded.

The brunette’s eyes narrowed. “Damn it.” She muttered.

“Hold on!” Raven stomped up beside them. “You still haven’t told us _why_ you disappeared for two months! We had to suffer through Pike’s punishment while you were off _hiding._ ”

Clarke looked up sharply. “Punishment? What did he do?”

Raven scowled. “He didn’t allows us to have as much food as the others and we were under constant surveillance. Did any of that happen to you?”

Clarke’s annoyance grew. “No it did not.” _You have no idea what Pike could really do,_ she added silently. “What I did during those two months is none of your business and I’m not going to compare what happened to us. What we need to _right now_ is figure out who’s going to lead us now that Pike’s gone.” She glared at the mechanic, silently daring her to argue.

“And I suppose _you_ want to be the leader?” Raven shot back.

“No.” She was seriously considering punching the other girl in the face. “And even if I did it’s up to the people to decided the leader they want.”

“Alright let’s settle down.” Abby appeared between them. “We’re free, we shouldn’t be bickering about what happened in the past.”

Raising her voice she addressed the crowd. “We need to figure out the new Chancellor. Everyone please head into the Ark and start preparing for an election.”

The crowd nodded, recognizing her as a former leader. As they dispersed Abby turned to Raven and Clarke. “I can’t have you two fighting as we’re trying to rebuild. Go talk it out and don’t come back til you’ve figured it out.”

Clarke couldn’t help but feel like a child being sent away and one glance at Raven told her she felt the same.

“Fine.” She said shortly and turned away. Striding back towards her room she didn’t even bother to check to see if the mechanic was following her. If Raven insisted on hating her then so be it, she had more important things to take care of.

She was halfway through unlocking her door when Raven, who _had_ been following her, spoke up. “Who’s Thalia?”

Clarke paused. She had a feeling that Raven wouldn’t be as satisfied with her half-truths as Monty was. “She’s one of the hundred. I’ve been looking after her since I found her.” Turning around she studied the older girl looking for any sign of more than just interest.

But she just looked confused. “Found her? Where was she? Why did you have to help her?”

Clarke hesitated. “She was badly hurt when I got here. She probably would have died had I not decided to care for her.”

Raven’s eyes softened. “I get that.” She murmured, “it’s what Finn did for me.”

Before Clarke had time to react to her words the door swung open, nearly clipping her.

“You gonna stay out there all day or are you guys actually going to come inside?” Thalia said looking exasperated.

She ushered them in, thankfully taking Raven’s presence in stride. “So what’s been going on?” She asked as soon as she was settled back in Clarke’s desk chair.

“Abby’s getting the others ready for an election, so far none of Pike’s followers in the crowd have made any appearances.” Clarke dragged herself to her bed before remembering her bloodstained state. Lowering herself to the floor she leaned her head back against the mattress. “Although I only suspect it’s a matter of time.”

“Well Pike’s followers are a lot more easy to take out than that bastard himself.” Niylah’s voice sounded somewhere behind her, most likely from the bed.

Thalia said something but Clarke barely heard her. The exhaustion that had plagued her for the past day was starting to claim her and she could feel herself relaxing…

_She was in a meadow. The sun was shining and for once the only sounds she could hear were the buzzing of the insects and the occasional gust of wind._

_There was a sketchbook in her lap and she sighed in content at the feeling of the crisp pages beneath her finger._

_“Do you like my gift?” A voice made her look up. Green eyes were watching her, amusement twinkling in their depths._

_“I do.” She murmured. “How did you know I wanted this?”_

_There was a shrug. “I guess I just knew.”_

_Clarke nodded, her mouth dry as suddenly those green eyes were a lot closer than she remembered. Warm hands gripped her ice cold ones as Lexa studied every inch of her face before eventually coming back to her mouth._

_Clarke watched as she came to a decision and started leaning in. She shivered slightly but didn’t dare move away as slowly the gap between the two shrank until she could feel the other woman’s breath against her face._

_Lexa’s lips were an inch away from hers, then less and then they were-_

“Clarke!”

She jolted upright, her surroundings abruptly vanishing as she woke up.

Raven and Thalia were staring at her, looking amused. “Have a nice nap Wanheda?” Raven asked not unkindly.

“Sorry.” Clarke said quickly. She remembered her dream and blushed furiously. It had been some time since her dreams had included the Commander _._

Shaking off the lingering effects of the dream she climbed to her feet. “What did I miss?”

“A meeting!” Thalia announced looking excited. “Apparently the candidates for Chancellor have been chosen.”

“Really?” Clarke stretched. “Let’s head over now then.”

She made towards the door but found the way blocked by Raven. “You might want to consider cleaning up.” She gestured towards her face. “You look sort of like you rolled in red paint.”

Clarke grimaced and touched her face. Now that she thought about it, the dried blood was starting to feel itchy and uncomfortable.

“I’ll meet you there in two minutes.” She said, looking around for a rag. Raven disappeared off down the hall with Thalia and Niylah close behind her, leaving Clarke alone in her room. As soon as the last sound of footsteps faded away she dropped the rag she’d been holding and crossed to her desk. Yanking open the top drawer she reached in and pulled up the false bottom revealing a small folder.

Opening it, she flipped open the top and took out the single sheet of paper it contained. It was a drawing, one she’d done a long time ago in the quiet of the morning while her subject lay asleep. She could clearly remember the expression on the Commander’s face when she saw the drawing. Surprise and something else. Something she couldn’t quite bring herself to name.

A tear splashed onto the paper, quickly followed by another. Bowing her head she didn’t bother to stop them. She’d had a chance at something special, a chance at doing more than just surviving.

But it had ended the second she’d seen Octavia in the throne room. She’d left. Willingly traded heaven for hell and now she was left with no one else to blame but herself, haunted by the memory of what she’d done.

* * *

**Lexa**

The rider was exhausted and covered in dust and dirt yet his eyes were bright and he was clearly excited about the news he’d brought.

“ _Heda_.” He said when he saw her and quickly sank to his knee, in a bow. “I carry an important message from Anya kom Trikru about the barricade.”

She looked up sharply at the mention of her old mentor. “What is it?” She asked quickly, forgetting herself for a moment.

From the corner of the room there was a small sigh and she didn’t have to look to know that Titus was frowning at her.

The messenger straightened up with a look of great importance. “Wanheda has delivered Pike kom Skaikru right to us. She told us that she has fulfilled her end of the deal and she wanted the barricade lifted as soon as possible.”

The corner of Lexa’s lips turned upwards until Titus cleared his throat from his corner. Immediately she fixed her expression and stood. “Thank you.” She said. “Go find another messenger and have him come here as fast as possible. Then you may rest.”

“ _Sha, Heda_.” The messenger gave her a respectful nod before hurrying from the room.

As soon as the doors closed behind him Titus stepped forwards. “What do you plan to do about this Heda?” He asked, careful to keep his tone neutral.

Lexa barely heard him. Deep in thought she strode through the glass doors of the throne room and out onto the balcony. The sun was just coming over the horizon and she could already tell that it would be a warm day. Almost as if the Earth was celebrating…or she was just making things up.

A shuffling sound behind her alerted her to Titus’s presence. “ _Heda_ …” He urged.

She sighed. “I made a deal Titus. The barricade was to be there until Clarke and the others could take down their leader. I will not go back on my word.”

Titus scowled. “I beg you to reconsider my warnings. Skaikru are nothing but trouble. Please keep the barricade there and let them all die. Only then can we all be safe.”

Lexa frowned. “I will not condemn the innocent to the same fate as the guilty.” She said coldly. “If I did that then I wouldn’t be the Commander.”

Turning away from him, she watched as the first rays of light spilled into the valley below her illuminating Polis. She barely noticed it though, instead she was thinking of bright blue eyes, blonde hair, and a fiery attitude to match…

Her thoughts were interrupted for the second time that day by the sound of doors opening. Quickly composing herself, she re-entered the throne room to find another messenger eagerly awaiting her.

“Go three floors down and alert the people there to ready their horses.” She instructed. “Tell them to set course for Arkadia as fast as possible. Then I want you to find the Natblida’s and have them come here. Is that understood?”

The messenger nodded. “ _Sha, Heda_.”

It wasn’t until the doors had closed again that she allowed the faintest smile to appear. There was no need for the barricade anymore. She would be able to see Clarke again.

**Clarke**

It was Niylah who found her. She was curled up on the floor, still covered in blood, tears still sliding down her face. The drawing was gone though, back in it’s folder and safely hidden from any unwanted eyes.

“Clarke?”

At the sound of her voice, Clarke jumped. Instantly she ran her hand across her face, trying to wipe away the offending tears.

“Is everything okay?” Niylah asked softly.

“I lost track of time.” She said gruffly, getting up. “We can go now.”

“Are you sure?” Niylah looked apprehensive. “Now might not be the best time, things are getting…heated out there.”

“I’m sure.” Clarke cleared her throat and headed for the door. “Once the new Chancellor is decided things will get a lot easier.”

“About that.” Niylah looked uneasy. “Abby wanted the candidates to put themselves in the running but some of the crowd wanted their own candidate and well, they’re not really taking no for an answer.”

Clarke felt an all too familiar twist of dread in her stomach. “Who is it?” She asked, almost afraid to hear the answer. As if on cue they turned the corner and a faint noise could be heard. It was quiet enough that Clarke couldn’t quite make out what was being said but loud enough that she could distinguish it as chanting.

Niylah continued to hesitate, looking carefully at the walls as they walked. It only served to strengthen Clarke’s fears.

“Niylah.” She grabbed her arm, a sure sign that she wasn’t going to back off. After all the grounder should know better than anyone that Clarke didn’t like to touch people without reason. “Tell me. Please.”

Before the other woman could answer however, the background of voices rose so that Clarke could finally hear what they were chanting.

 _"Wanheda! Wanheda!”_ They were chanting her name.

In an instant she was backing up, the blood draining from her face.

“Wait!” Niylah held out a hand. “Clarke it’s not what you think! They don’t hate you.”

“Are you sure?” Clarke said, her voice slightly higher than normal. “Because last time I checked they hated me for running away from Pike. They have every right to hate me. _You_ should hate me.” She added as an afterthought.

Niylah frowned. “I don’t hate you.” She said forcefully. “You’re my family now. You really think that I would lead you somewhere where you could get hurt?”

That stopped Clarke right in her tracks. Looking down at her still reddened fingers she sighed. “I’m sorry Niylah, you would never do something like that.”

The other woman smiled softly. “You still want to do this?”

Clarke offered her a return smile. “Of course.” She held out her hand and it was with no hesitation that Niylah grabbed it in her own. Together they completed their walk and stepped into the room.

It was instant chaos. People everywhere were arguing and shouting while others (mainly Kane, Abby, and Octavia) were attempting to calm them down and return order. It wasn’t working.

When Clarke walked in however, the whole room went silent. Everyone stared at her and she lifted her chin, looking around. “Someone care to tell me what the hell’s going on in here?” She asked.

“Clarke!” Abby let out a relieved sigh and immediately headed for her. “We were all just discussing the potential candidates.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Sounded like a little more than discussing.”

Abby’s face darkened. “Apparently all of Arkadia has forgotten the fact that the candidates _volunteer_ to be in the running rather than have the crowd just pick them themselves.”

There was an angry rumbling at her words and Clarke could already see a few of them shooting her mother dark looks.

“And Arkadia wants me to be in the running for Chancellor?” She asked, ignoring the rising horror within her.

“Yes!” A nearby woman shouted. “You got rid of that bastard and saved us! Only the one who has done that should be able to lead!”

“She’s a child!” Abby snapped, looking ready to lunge at the woman.

Clarke bristled. If she’d learned anything over the past months it was that she was anything but a child. “I’m almost nineteen.” She pointed out coldly. “I can certainly decide what I want to do.” Pausing she swallowed back her revulsion and started for the stage. Instantly the crowd fell back giving her clear access way.

Climbing up the stairs she greeted Kane halfway through. Unlike her mother’s rage, Kane looked thoughtful. “You sure you want to do this?” He asked quietly as she headed for the small table in the middle of it.

“No but I don’t have much of a choice do I?” She didn’t wait for his answer just picked up the pen and a slip of paper that rested on the surface of the table. Quickly scrawling her name across the sheet she dropped it into a glass bowl to cheers.

Turning towards the crowd she raised a hand and instantly they settled. “I’m not your Chancellor yet. Until the winner has been voted on Kane will act as the temporary Chancellor.” There were unhappy mutters but it was clear she was not going to settle for anything else.

Turning away from the crowd she approached Kane and held out her hand. “Good luck.”

He grasped it and shook it. “You too.”

* * *

Clarke spent most of the day leading up to the election outside. Kane had immediately launched into plans to improve Arkadia and most people were willing enough to help. Which meant that Clarke was more or less left alone as hunting parties were sent out and engineers started fixing up parts of the Ark. Something that she was just fine with, and even managed a quick nap beside the lake without disruption.

It was when she had gone back to her room to retrieve Thalia that she overheard a man from one of the hunting parties say that the remaining grounders hadn’t even batted an eye at them when they dared cross the barricade line. The realization made her pause for a moment. Lexa had actually lowered the barricade. Even after what she’d done. For a moment she let herself go back to that fateful day. When brilliant green eyes had overflowed with quiet tears that she’d been too slow to escape seeing.

With enormous effort, Clarke wrestled the memory down and continued to keep going towards her room. Now was not the time to dwell on the past.

When she opened the door she was surprised to see that Thalia was already awake and just about bouncing off the walls with happiness.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping, what’s going on in here?” She asked amused as the young girl accidentally knocked over a pile of books. Niylah would be so mad she found out.

Thalia lit up like the sun. “We’re free!” She exclaimed. “You did it!”

Clarke’s happiness grew and before she knew it a smile was spreading across her face. “Wanna ride Eos?” She asked. Instantly Thalia’s eyes grew wide.

“Really?” She breathed. When Clarke nodded she jumped forwards and gave her probably the biggest hug ever. “Thank you!”

“Of course.” Clarke gave her a fond look. “We can do anything you want now.”

Thalia looked like she was about to pass out from happiness. Then she stopped and frowned. “Wait you’re not covered in blood anymore. When did you clean up?”

Clarke bit back a laugh. “I went to the lake Thalia. We can go there now if you want.”

Before she could even finish saying the last words Thalia had seized her arm and was tugging her as fast as she could towards the stables. Clarke went along with it, even when Thalia accidentally turned to fast and slammed her arm into a wall.

When they finally arrived to the stables she was starting to catch Thalia’s infectious mood. Scanning the row of stalls she made a quick beeline for one at the very end of the row.

As soon as she saw the occupant she was moving to unlock the door. Inside a large jet black mare tossed her head and let out a shrill whinny sensing her excitement.

“Easy Selene.” She murmured, stroking her neck. Selene leaned forwards and bumped her nose into her as greeting. “Thank you for not letting Kane and Pike find me last night.” Clarke said as she fondled her ears. The horse blew a gust of air over her and nudged her with her nose again. Clarke gave her one final pat before moving for the next stall, this one containing a speckled grey horse.

Eos was as equally happy to see her and by the time Clarke had gotten him out Selene was shoving forwards to say hello.

“You’re right beside each other.” She muttered under her breath as the two horses inspected one another. Still, she let them go as long as they wanted before moving to separate them.

Thalia could barely stay still the whole time that Clarke was saddling and bridling the horses. The people that passed by them (not that there were many) all smiled at the sight of the excited girl.

“Eos is ready if you are.” Clarke said amused as she held out the reigns. Without hesitation Thalia accepted them and carefully got into the saddle. Clarke stayed long enough to make sure she was secure before moving away to where Selene was waiting. 

Once she was in the saddle she waited long enough for Thalia and Eos to come up beside her before heading for the gates.

The sun was steadily climbing into the sky when they rode out. Birds were chirping and despite the rising number of cold days it was reasonably warm. Clarke led Thalia out towards the lake. She kept them to a steady pace even when Selene fought against the reigns.

When they finally reached the lake she reigned in and watched as Thalia took it all in again. Her eyes were wide as she surveyed the smooth surface and the meadow on the far side. “It’s even more beautiful then when we first got here.” She whispered.

Clarke kept quiet, focused on the beauty in front of her. Letting her eyes slide shut she soaked in the warmth. Slowly she felt everything melt away, the possibility of Chancellor, her exhaustion from the night before, even the pain from her wounds, it all melted away.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Thalia’s voice broke the silence. “If we should even be here at all.”

She opened her eyes and gave her a thoughtful look. “What do you mean?”

“All we do is hurt each other. The mountain men hurt the grounders who hurt us so we killed the mountain men. Then Azgeda killed Farm Station people and Pike retaliated and murdered their people. It seems all we do is fight and…it makes me wonder if we even deserve peace at all.”

Clarke let out a long sigh and reached over to take Thalia’s hand. “This is exactly why you’re my second.” She said. “But I’m sorry you have to think like this. You deserve so much more than what you got.”

Thalia squeezed her hand. “So do you, you know. I wasn’t the only one Pike hurt.” She gave her a cautious smile. “You’re not a bad person at all, you know. And if there was anyone that I’d want with me while hiding it would be you.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow, ignoring the first half of what she’d said. “You’d really want to spend days learning how to lead Arkadia and play chess?”

Thalia swatted her arm and dismounted. “Chess is actually quite interesting. Plus I always beat you.” Leading Eos forwards she headed straight for the lake and waded in and started splashing around in the cool water.

Clarke watched her antics for a moment before turning Selene towards the meadow. As much as she worried, Thalia was perfectly capable of being on her own, and besides, there was something that she needed to do. As Selene walked through the shallows she felt the first thrill of excitement and started to relax her grip on the reigns.

Instantly Selene started picking up the pace til she was cantering, spraying water everywhere in the process. It wasn’t until they clambered out onto the bank and were into the meadow that she fully relaxed her hold on the reigns.

Instantly Selene picked up the pace, anxious to stretch her legs after being cooped up. She took off like a lightning bolt across the meadow. Clarke’s eyes watered slightly as they rode but she refused to reign in. She needed to do this.

All to soon the meadow gave way to a hard packed dirt path and suddenly she was reining in Selene. They had reached the path that led to Polis. She stared at it for a moment before urging Selene forwards and onto it.

Turning her horse in the direction of Polis she started forwards, careful to keep Selene at a walk. Fix steps forward, then six, seven, without warning Selene was crossing where the barricade line had been held.

Instinctively she froze and looked cautiously around for any signs of force. But there were none, the barricade was truly lifted. Clarke laughed. It was really true. “We’re free.” She whispered incredulously. Almost as soon as she’d had the thought she was urging Selene to a gallop.

Selene lengthened her stride and in an instant they were sweeping down the path, trees rushing past them and the wind whistling in her ears. Clarke felt more alive than she had in months.

All to soon though she had to reign in Selene and turn her around. As much as she wanted to keep going and get as far away from Arkadia as she could, she had people to look after.

By the time she re-entered the meadow Thalia had moved onto the grass and was lying spread-eagled beside Eos. Clarke felt a pulse of worry go through her when she didn’t look up at her approach.

“Thalia?” She called.

Immediately her head popped up and she gave her an annoyed look. “What is it?”

Clarke let out a relieved sigh. Dismounting, she quickly tied back Selene’s reigns before letting her go. Turning to Thalia she gave her an exasperated look. “You know better than to leave yourself unguarded. Or did all the lessons that me and Octavia tried to teach you go right over your head?”

Thalia climbed to her feet. “I’ll have you know that I knew it was you. Only one horse fights against the reigns like that.” She peered across the meadow to where Selene was prancing around.

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Oh I didn’t realize you’d heard every horse on Earth run.”

Thalia shoved her. “ _Shof op Clarke_.” _Be quiet._

Clarke just shoved her back. “Careful, you’re talking to the Commander of Death.” She warned in English. Thalia rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah I get it you’re _Wanheda,_ and probably the Chancellor soon.”

Immediately her good mood vanished as she remembered the election. “Just one important title was enough.” She muttered under her breath. Flopping onto the ground she sighed in frustration. “I don’t want a new one.”

Thalia gave her a concerned look. “I thought you wanted to be Chancellor. Isn’t that why you put your name in?”

Clarke sighed. “I never wanted to be the leader. Not when we landed on the ground and certainly not now. But sometimes you have to think of what everyone else wants.” Rolling onto her side she reached out and plucked a small wildflower from the ground.

“Sometimes you have to put other people’s needs before your own.”

Thalia wrinkled her brow and opened her mouth. “But what-” Abruptly she cut off and looked straight across the meadow. Clarke was already sitting up, having heard it as well. Hoofbeats.

Immediately she let out a low whistle. Across the meadow Selene pricked her ears and trotted over.

“Who is it?” Thalia whispered. “Could the Commander have changed her mind?”

Clarke hadn’t even thought of that. As the hoofbeats grew louder she made up her mind and turned to Thalia. “I want you to go back to camp as fast as you can alright? Warn everyone there that there’s a potentially hostile group coming in and they need to prepare themselves.”

“What are you going to do?” Thalia asked.

Clarke turned to Selene. “I’m going to find out if they’re hostile or not.”

The reaction was immediate. “Without backup? If that’s a hostile force then that is a very bad idea.”

She was already turning away. “Thalia please, remember your promise.”

The younger girl held her gaze for a moment before turning away and reaching for Eos’s reigns. “Alright fine.”

Clarke watched her disappear from view before mounting Selene and turning her in the direction of the hoofbeats. “Hopefully this doesn’t end badly.” She muttered to herself before riding out towards the path.

She’d barely gotten back onto the path before she saw them. A whole group of riders, all armed were riding towards her. She picked out at least two bows, some axes, plenty of knives, and swords on everyone. Things were not looking good.

She held up her hand. “I’d stop right there if I were you.” She called. To her great surprise the group did stop. Trying not to let it show she urged Selene forwards a step. “What are you doing here? Why have you come to Arkadia?”

This time the grounders shifted and one emerged from the middle of the group. She frowned, they were smaller than she expected.

“I have come with a message from the Commander for the new Chancellor of Arkadia.”

Clarke was even more surprised when she realized the speaker wasn’t even an adult, but rather a boy that looked to be about thirteen or fourteen.

“Well, I’m right here. You can tell me and I’ll tell the Chancellor.”

There was a murmur of dissent and she saw a few of them reach for their weapons. Immediately she reached for her own gun, hating that it was the only weapon she had. She’d lost her sword at the fight and had yet the opportunity to look for it.

“Hod op!” Another rider shoved their way through the group. Immediately all thoughts of weaponry flew from her head. Anya gave her a careful look. “We mean Arkadia no harm Wanheda. We simply wish to talk to the Chancellor.”

Clarke was silent for a moment longer, thinking it over. Finally she tugged on Selene’s reigns, turning her around. “Follow me.” She called back. “I’ll take you to the gate. I can’t promise anything about going in though.”

She didn’t glance back to see if any of them were following. Only kept Selene at a brisk walk as she headed back through the lake and towards Arkadia. When she led them out of the woods onto the meadow around Arkadia she stiffened. Thalia was sitting astride Eos halfway down the path, waiting for her. 

“Damn it.” She muttered before loosening her hold on the reigns and letting Selene gallop right towards her. As soon as she was even with her she reached out and grabbed ahold of Eos’s reigns. “What did I tell you about warning Arkadia?” She snapped.

Thalia straightened slightly and a stubborn look came over her face. “I _did_ warn them. But you didn’t say to stay in Arkadia once I did that.”

Clarke was furious. Glancing over her shoulder she saw the grounders heading for them. Giving Thalia an angry glare she turned around and looked at Anya. “We’re here.” She said shortly. “I’m sorry but you can’t have any weapons in Arkadia.”

Some of them shifted uneasily but she was already turning away, pulling Eos along with her. “You and I will talk later.” She said stiffly before raising her voice to the guards stationed at the gate.

“Open it up!”

The guards immediately scrambled to do as she said. Dismounting, she turned back to the grounders.

“You can’t all come in. Choose one from your group to come with us. I can give you my word that no harm will come to them.” She watched as they looked at each other, clearly not liking their plan. Anya made as if to dismount but the same boy who had the message stopped her.

“I’ll go.” He said solemnly.

Instantly Anya was shaking her head. “You will not go alone! They could kill you!”

The boy thought it over then shrugged. “I believe that Wanheda will keep her word. If she doesn’t then I know how to fight.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes. The more she listened to it, the more his voice became familiar. Squinting, she tried to make out more than just the dark armor and hood he wore.

Anya still looked unhappy but she backed her horse up and turned her glare on Clarke. “If you even think about harming him I will kill you and everyone within this camp.”

Clarke’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She called back. “But if I find that you’re here to harm Arkadia then I won’t hesitate to kill him and everyone else, regardless of what the Commander thinks.” Not waiting to see the reaction she turned Selene around, grabbed Eos’s reigns again and started through the gate.

“Will you really do that?” Thalia whispered. “Kill them?”

She hesitated slightly. “I don’t want anyone to die. But Skaikru are my people and I can’t risk any of them, or you, getting hurt. If it comes down to it I’ll do what I have to do.”

Thalia fell silent at that and let her lead her over to the stables. When Clarke finally stopped the boy stopped as well and dismounted smoothly from his horse, ignoring the odd looks he was receiving.

“You don’t have a Chancellor yet, do you?” He asked as she moved to take his horse’s reigns. She stopped in her tracks and frowned at him. “Why would you think that?”

He shrugged. “Only you were there at the path. No other guards or leaders. Even within the walls, no leader has come forwards to greet a guest.”

Clarke was more than a little unnerved at his keen observations. She shrugged slightly, “you’d be right then. The voting isn’t done yet but by morning the new Chancellor should be named. Until then, we’re relying on our former leaders.”

The boy frowned, “I guess I should just give the message to you then.” He made as if to continue taking but she abruptly cut him off. “Not here, there’s too many ears. Give me a moment and we can talk in my room.”

He nodded and she hurriedly unsaddled the horses, cleaning them and getting them back into their stalls as fast as fast as she could.

By the time she was able to show the boy to her room, she was starting to grow impatient. Closing the door she turned to him. “Alright, who are you and what’s this message?”

The boy, to his credit, did not seem to be offended by her rudeness. Instead he tipped his head to the side and gave her a puzzled look. “Clarke.” He said carefully. “Do you not remember me?”

She stared at him. Remember him? Taking in his black leather armor, painfully similar to _hers,_ she finally got it.

“Aiden. The Nightblood.” It wasn’t exactly a question but he answered anyways.

“Yes. _Heda_ thought it would be better to hear the news from someone you knew.”

“What is it?” She asked, trying to ignore the thoughts that popped into her mind about a certain Commander. “Is Arkadia in danger?”

He shook his head. “No, the opposite. Now that the blockade has been lifted, _Heda_ wishes to welcome Skaikru back to the coalition in three days time. I have instructions to bring the Chancellor and you back to Arkadia before then.”

For a moment Clarke was stunned into silence as she took everything in.

“She’s inviting us to Polis? Why?”

Aiden shifted slightly. “ _Heda_ said that you had taken out the leaders, and now that the blockade has been lifted it’s time to welcome Skaikru back as the thirteenth clan.”

“Well, I guess she’s right about that.” She murmured thoughtfully. “Although truth be told, I wasn’t expecting it to happen that fast.”

“So you will come?” Aiden was still waiting.

She was about to respond when another thought struck her. “You said the Chancellor and me? The Commander wants _me_ to be there?”

The young warrior nodded and the confusion on his face deepened. “Why would she not? Didn’t you help her with the coalition?”

Clarke was silent. She wasn’t sure what to expect when it came to her and the Commander of the Twelve Clans anymore. Not after what she’d done.

She forced a smile onto her face. “I did, I’m just surprised is all.”

Aiden still looked suspicious but he sensed that pressing Clarke for the truth would help no one. “So, will you come?” He repeated.

She hesitated for a moment, thinking hard. Finally she knew her answer and turned towards Aiden. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The horses Selene and Eos were inspired from Octavia's horse Helios. Selene was one of the 'fastest horses in Polis' that Clarke rode when returning to Arkadia and Eos was from the beginning of s3 when Bellamy and the others ran into the Ice Nation warriors.  
> In case you were wondering how Anya is still alive: she was shot by Skaikru guards resulting in Clarke thinking she was dead. But it was nonfatal and Clarke was forced to leave when Mountain Men showed up again. She wasn't in Polis when Clarke was there.  
> Sorry for any mistakes


	3. No Cure For The Loneliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Niylah talk, the Chancellor is chosen, and Clarke returns to Polis. The fate of Skaikru is decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: self-harm
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes

**Clarke**

She woke slowly. For once her sleep had been peaceful, no dreams or nightmares, just quiet nothingness while she rested. When she opened her eyes the room was still dark inside, the window showing nothing but inky black outside.

Rolling over she started to sit up when a hand reached out and grasped at her shoulder. Immediately she looked over in alarm only to relax when Niylah sat up next to her.

“I’ll never get used to your odd sleeping habits.” She said softly.

Clarke grimaced, “sorry. You should go back to sleep, the sun isn’t up yet.”

“Okay.” Niylah rubbed her eyes and stretched, before sinking back under the furs covering the bed. Rather than close her eyes though, she propped her head up on her arm. “Are you getting ready for later today?”

Clarke nodded and reached for the outfit she’d laid out last night. “Yeah. If I get picked as Chancellor then I better be dressed appropriately. Besides we’re going to be arriving in Polis today. I should dress nicely no matter if I get picked or not.”

“You don’t want to be the Chancellor do you?” Niylah asked softly.

Clarke yanked her shirt over her head before looking over. “No I don’t. All I want is to protect Thalia. But if I have to be the Chancellor to do that then so be it.” Tugging on her jeans she turned to Niylah. “What about you?”

“Do I want to be Chancellor?”

“No, no. Do you want me to be Chancellor?”

Niylah frowned slightly and sat up, thinking. “No. I don’t want you to be unhappy. To be a leader is a lot of weight and you’ve carried so much already. I don’t want that for you. You don’t deserve what happened to you.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow and returned to the bed. “That’s what Thalia said too.”

“Because it’s the truth.” Niylah said sadly. “You’re a good person Clarke. One of the best I know. Seeing you in pain was almost more than I could bear.”

She leaned forwards and carefully hugged her, giving her plenty of time to move away. When she was met with no resistance she tightened her hold. “I love you Clarke kom Skaikru. I hope you know that.”

Clarke returned her hug and buried her face in her hair. “I know.” She said quietly. Closing her eyes she could almost imagine she was back in the trading post, where her only worry was when her next meal was. Certainly not about whether she was about to become the Chancellor of Arkadia.

“I want to talk to you about the trip to Polis.”

She opened her eyes, tensing. “What about it?” She asked, keeping her tone neutral as she pulled back.

“You do know that by going back to Polis means that you’re going to have to talk to Lexa right?” Niylah asked, giving her a searching look.

“Of course I do.” She said. “She is the Commander.”

“Clarke.” Niylah only said her name but she managed to convey both annoyance and exasperation into it.

Her shoulders slumped. There was no avoiding this. “You want to know if I still have feelings for her right?” She asked quietly.

Niylah nodded. “Before I answer that I want you to know that I love you. You helped keep me alive, keep Thalia alive. You’re my family.”

Niylah looked away, “yet you still care fo her.” Her tone made Clarke freeze. It was cold and distant as if she was talking to a stranger. Never, during the time that Clarke had known her, had Niylah spoken to her like that.

She bit her lip. “I guess I do.”

Niylah shook her head slightly. “Even though she hurt you over and over?”

Clarke looked up sharply, eyes narrowing. “You think she is the only one who’s done that? Everyone I care about has hurt me! I still care for them!” She stood up, angry. “I _always_ care.”

“Even for the woman who left your people at the mountain to die.” Niylah said coldly. “I guess you do care too much.”

She flinched like she’d been burned. “Niylah-” She started but the other woman interrupted her. “Don’t pretend with me Clarke. I know about that drawing that you keep. I know leaving her broke your heart. So answer me this, did you ever wish I was her?”

There was a heavy weight in her chest and Clarke felt frozen as she stared at her. When the seconds ticked by and she still hadn’t spoken Niylah looked away. “You should be with her then.” She said bitterly. Sliding out from under the covers she started looking for her boots.

Clarke somehow managed to unstick her mouth. “Wait! Niylah!”

But the other woman was no longer listening. “I should be heading back home anyways. I need to make sure everything’s still there.” She was out the door before Clarke could even react. 

“Damn it.” She whispered. Sinking back into the bed she picked up the pillow on Niylah’s side the warmth already fading from it. Burying her face in it she clenched her hands into fists and let out a muffled scream.

One more person she’d pushed away. One more drawing she could add to her folder.

* * *

**Thalia**

Her sword flew out of her grasp and fell to the grass. Immediately she backed up but her opponent had obviously been expecting this. They followed her and gave her a quick push that sent her sprawling onto her side.

“You react too slow.” Octavia commented, taking a step back.

Thalia said nothing. Raising her hands to her mouth she blew on them in an attempt to warm up. Despite the relative warmth of the last few days she could already tell today would be cold.

“Where’s Clarke?” She asked. Her mentor should have been here at least half an hourago.

Octavia shrugged and motioned for her to pick up her sword again. “She’ll come out of her room eventually, but for now you need to concentrate.”

Frost burned her fingers as Thalia pushed herself to her knees and picked up her sword. Studying the blade she turned to Octavia. “Shouldn’t we be doing something else, rather than training? I mean, today _is_ the day that we go back to Polis.”

Octavia sighed and dropped her position. “The Chancellor hasn’t been named yet. Until then, we can’t do much. Besides, your training is important, once we get to the capitol there might not be another option to do so till we come back.”

Thalia had just raised her sword when a voice rang out behind them.

“Mind if we join you?”

She whirled around. Striding towards her were the two messengers Clarke had been talking to yesterday. Her eyes narrowed as she eyed the older of the two. Clarke had confessed that she was the warrior she’d left behind and Thalia was anxious to get a read on her.

“Of course not, there’s plenty of room for everyone.” Octavia said, interrupting her thoughts. She nudged Thalia with the tip of her sword. “Now come on, let’s get going.”

Thalia gave the woman another curious glance before turning back to Octavia and raising her sword.

She’d barely gotten a good grip on the hilt when Octavia sprang forwards, blade slashing. She took a step backwards before gaining a good grip and meeting her blows.

They went back and forth, neither really engaged in the fight. Finally Thalia saw her opening and punched Octavia straight in the face. Her teacher stumbled back. “This is pointless.” She snapped, sheathing her sword. “You’re not focused. Neither am I. I don’t care if Clarke isn’t the Chancellor yet, pretending to ignore what’s happening today is stupid!”

For a moment Octavia looked annoyed. Then she straightened up and sheathed her own sword. “I’m sorry Thalia.” She murmured. “I shouldn’t have tried to force you into this.”

She blinked, surprised. “You didn’t force me into anything.” She said, confused. “We train every day.”

Octavia shifted slightly. “Still, I should be letting you get ready to go to Polis.” Something in her tone made Thalia give her a close look.

“Is something wrong? Are you worried about the election?” 

Octavia shrugged slightly and moved past her towards the Ark. “That’s a question for Clarke to answer not me.”

“Answer what?”

Thalia jumped and looked up, unnerved by how silent Clarke had been. When she saw her mentor though her jaw dropped.

“Wanheda?” She blurted out.

Clarke’s eyebrows raised. “Excuse me?”

She blushed but took a step closer, fascinated by the long slashes of blue and black and red going across her face. “I didn’t know you had war paint…or that you changed the style.”

“Niylah gave me some a little bit ago.” Clarke said, words oddly clipped. She brushed her finger across the paint and gave her a confused look. “The style is exactly the same.”

“No.” Thalia gestured to the red streaks just below the blue. “The red wasn’t there originally. Is this like why you changed your hair?”

Clarke automatically reached up to the lock of red hair woven into her braid. “It helps me to remember,” she said eventually. “What I had to spill to get here.” Abruptly she turned away and headed over to where the messengers were still training.

Thalia frowned after her. It was unlike her mentor to act like this, she was usually more relaxed. Shrugging she started after her, sheathing her sword. She’d ask Niylah about it later.

When she caught up to Clarke she was already talking to the older woman. Thalia gave Anya a careful study, anxious to figure her out. Just from an initial glance she looked like the type of person that she would not want to fight against in battle. Her face was cold and harsh, her eyes narrowed as she listened to what Clarke was saying. Add to that the quiver flux of arrows slung across her back and Thalia was decidedly impressed.

“..and this is Thalia. She’ll be accompanying us when we go to Polis.” Clarke turned towards her. “Thalia meet Anya. Anya, Thalia.”

Immediately she took a quick step forwards and held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” She said quickly.

Anya nodded and clasped her arm. “Likewise Thalia kom Skaikru. If I may I would like to talk to you before we leave. In private.”

Thalia shivered slightly, wondering what on Earth the _Trikru_ warrior could possibly want to talk to her about. “That’s fine with me. Clarke?”

The blonde gave her a careful look before nodding and turning to the second messenger. “This is Aiden.”

Thalia was surprised to see that Aiden was younger than she thought. He seemed to be around thirteen and, unlike his companion, had a slight smile on his face. She didn’t let that fool her. Eyeing the black armor he wore she frowned. “Natblida?”

Behind her Clarke sighed and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes.

Aiden ignored it and held out his arm. “Yup. You’re Thalia Marsh right?”

She smiled and clasped his arm, a little bit more at ease. “Yes I am.” From what she’d heard from Kane, Clarke, Octavia, Niylah and Lincoln, the grounders had no last names. He would have had to ask specifically if he’d wanted to know.

“Now that you’ve met the last person in the group maybe we can head into the mess hall? They should be about ready to announce the new Chancellor.” Clarke jerked her head towards the Ark. She led them all over, engaging in a conversation with Anyawhile leaving Thalia and Aiden to trail silently behind.

Or not silently.

“So what’s your favorite thing here on Earth?” Aiden asked after a second or too.

She thought about it for a moment. “I guess the sky and the trees. It still amazes me that there’s so much life down here.”

“What was it like in space?”

“It was pretty harsh.” She said. “There were very strict rules we had to follow and bad consequences if we broke them. I’m glad we made it down here.” Glancing up ahead she saw the familiar bend in the corridor and sped up slightly.

“We’re here.”

**Clarke**

She felt like she was going to throw up. Her stomach was churning with nerves and despite her calm exterior she was terrified inside. It only got worse when they entered the hall and everyone went more or less silent when they saw her.

She caught a couple pointed fingers at the war paint on her face but she ignored them. They’d wanted _Wanheda_ and that’s what they were going to get.

She left Anya, Thalia, and Aiden and cut a path straight through the crowd, heading for the stairs where Kane was waiting for her.

“You ready for the announcement?” He asked as soon as she was on the stage.

 _No._ She nodded.

Taking her place beside him she stared out at the crowd as Kane opened the envelope containing the identity of the new Chancellor. Her mother was standing at the front of the crowd, scowling at the sight of her daughter up on the stage.

Clarke wiped her palms on her pants for what felt like the fifth time and looked over at Kane just as he turned towards her.

Extending his hand to her, he raised his voice. “Congratulations Clarke Griffin, you are the new Chancellor of Skaikru.”

She forced a smile on her face and shook his hand, trying to ignore the crowd as the cheered and clapped.

Swallowing, she turned to the crowd and raised her hands. Instantly they fell silent and waited with bated breath for their new Chancellor to speak. 

“I am honored to be chosen as your new Chancellor. Pike did things to us that would have damaged anyone else beyond repair. But this is _Skaikru_. We endured years of sickness, rationing of food and water, even rationing _oxygen,_ all to get back to the ground. Space has made us strong. And I know that we will recover from this, stronger than ever!”

As soon as she finished the crowd erupted into cheers. Instinctively she glanced down to the front of the crowd looking for Niylah. The smile slid from her face when she saw no trace of her.

She felt another pang of hurt in her chest and returned her gaze to Kane, feeling lonelier than ever.

* * *

“Are you sure this is the best idea?”

Clarke looked over at her mother. “I’m confident in my ability to be Chancellor.” She said, half to reassure and half to remind her mother who she was now.

Abby sniffed and turned away, unsatisfied with her answer.

Clarke ignored her. “I’ve left Nate in charge of the guards and Jackson with medical.” She said. “Mom, you’ll be the Chancellor in my absence. And remember the prisoners are not to be visited or let out until my return.” She frowned. “I’m missing something.”

She looked to Anya and Aiden. “Are the rest of your group going to be traveling with us?”

Anya shook her head. “No, they’re going on back to their villages before returning to the Capitol. Speaking of which, time is starting to slip away from us. If we want to arrive in Polis before dark then we should head out now.”

“Good idea.” Clarke turned towards the other people huddled not far from her. “You have all been called here because I need you to come with me when I return to Polis.” She looked around at them all. “Now I would prefer it if you come but the choice is entirely up to you, I would rather not force you into doing something that you don’t want to do.”

Raven snorted and muttered something under her breath. Octavia elbowed her before stepping forwards. “I’m definitely going with you. I’d like to see Indra again.”

“If you’re going then I’m going too.” Lincoln said, shooting a soft smile at his partner.

Slowly the others all agreed. Harper, Monty, Thalia, Kane, Raven, and a somewhat reluctant Jasper. When they’d all agreed Clarke let her shoulders slump slightly. So far so good.

“Good. You all have horses already saddled and ready out by the gates. For those of you not packed already do so quickly. We leave in fifteen minutes.”

Everyone nodded and dispersed. As soon as they were gone she let out a breath and turned to Selene. This was going to be harder than she thought.

“Lexa mentioned you were a strong leader. She was not joking.” Anya commented observing the young leader.

“The Commander isn’t known for her jokes.” Clarke shot back, rubbing her eyes. She was already exhausted and they hadn’t even begun their journey yet.

Anya shrugged and mounted her horse. “Still. You have come a long way Sky girl. It is refreshing to find at least one smart mind among your people.”

“Thanks. I think.”

“Clarke!” Octavia called from where she was already astride Helios. “Come over here!”

Clarke sighed and stuck her foot in Selene’s stirrup. Swinging into the saddle, she had barely ten seconds to get settled before Selene tossed her head and shied sideways. She sighed again; this was going to be a long ride.

Guiding her energetic horse over to where Octavia was she raised an eyebrow. “You called?”

Octavia held out a long wrapped bundle. “Nate found this back in the forest. He wanted to give it back to you.”

Curiously, Clarke unwrapped the bundle, already certain she knew what it was. Sure enough, when the wrappings fell away they revealed her sword. It really was a thing of beauty, with a long razor sharp edge and a notch at the base that widened out into a small half crosspiece, protecting her fingers. Taking it into her hands she studied it carefully, inspecting it for any nicks or rust. Once she’d deemed it good, she carefully pulled back the shoulder of her cloak and placed the sword back into the empty sheath on her back.

Shrugging her shoulders, she relaxed at the comfortable weight pressed onto her back. Turning back to Octavia she thanked her. The younger girl simply waved her off and went to find Lincoln.

Clarke was still adjusting her sword when Thalia came up. She had barely gotten out a greeting before the girl was talking. “You know how Anya wanted to talk to me earlier? I think she suspects something about you being my mentor. She says she noticed how I was training with Octavia earlier this morning.”

Clarke immediately tensed and glanced back towards where Anya was now talking to Aiden. “Did she threaten you at all?” She asked, expression darkening.

Immediately her second shook her head. “No not at all. I think she just wanted to be sure. But, she’ll probably tell Lexa you know.”

Clarke tried not to react to the name. Judging from Thalia’s expression she’d definitely failed.

“Are you okay with going to Polis so soon?” The girl asked trying not to sound too concerned.

She smiled somewhat shakily. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Thalia, wisely, kept silent.

By the time the fifteen minutes had passed and the others showed up again, Clarke had managed to pull herself back together and was waiting by the gate.

“I hate this trip already.” Raven muttered under her breath as she joined them. Due to her leg, her horse was being led by Lincoln. And from the way she was clutching the saddle horn, she was not as comfortable in the saddle as the others.

“Cheer up Raven.” Octavia sighed. “When we get to Polis I’m sure the Commander will have lot’s of stuff you can tinker with.”

Raven frowned, although Clarke caught the slight look of interest on her face.

“Is everyone ready?” She called, scanning the faces before her. They all nodded and she turned to the guards tower, signaling them. The gate creaked open and she urged Selene forwards.

Behind her there was subdued murmuring as the others horses started moving. Monty, surprisingly, seemed to master how to ride pretty fast. He maneuvered himself up next to her and proceeded to bombard her with questions about where they were going.

“Do you think the Commander will let us back into the coalition?” He asked, twisting slightly to see her face.

She shrugged, swaying as Selene danced in place. “I hope so. If she doesn’t then we’re in trouble. Hopefully giving them Pike has improved our chances.”

Monty nodded, digesting this bit of information before thinking of another question. “Why is Jasper here?”

She blinked, surprised. “He could be important to this.” She said lamely, not expecting Monty to buy it.

He didn’t.

“No offense to him, but I don’t really think Jasper is going to do to well in Polis. Or when we meet the Commander. He’s very…unpredictable.”

“I know.”

“So why take him?”

“Because I can keep a better eye on him in Polis than I could if he was in Arkadia.” She felt a little guilty at her admission, especially considering Monty was one of Jasper’s closest friends. Thankfully, he took it in stride.

“I guess that makes sense.” He said slowly. “He has been less cautious around Pike than we would have liked.”

Clarke nodded and glanced behind her, careful to make sure everyone was still there. “How was it?” She gave Monty a sideways look. “I heard from Raven that you guys were struggling a bit.”

He sighed. “Raven’s exaggerating things. We had a little bit of trouble in the beginning. Especially after you disappeared.” Clarke tensed but there was no hostility in his voice. “But we adjusted like always. Don’t know how long we would have lasted though, if you hadn’t gotten to Pike. Thank you for that by the way.”

She smiled slightly. “Your welcome. And I’m sorry for disappearing on you again. I hope it didn’t cause to much grief.”

Monty shrugged. “At first, we were pretty angry but then Octavia said she was talking to you and that everything was fine. She said you were keeping away for health reasons. Is that true? Were you sick or something?”

“Or something.” Clarke shifted in the saddle and turned Selene towards the direction of the lake. “There were a lot of reasons why I couldn’t come back. I wanted to though. Thalia too. I’m glad she’ll get to know you.”

Monty grinned. “Did you tell her about how I was among the group that risked their lives to go out into dangerous woods and somehow survive when we found out there were other people here?”

She snorted. “More like you were the one who managed to shut down everyone’s wristbands trying to communicate to the Ark.” Four months and they had already slipped into a relaxed banter. She even managed a laugh when Monty made a face at her. It was almost enough to take her mind off the hole that Niylah’s absence had left. 

Water splashed around them as they entered the lake and she rolled her eyes as the others all yelped at the cold water. Reigning Selene in slightly, she allowed Thalia, Aiden and Anya to catch up to her and Monty.

“You okay so far?” She asked Thalia.

She nodded. “Yup.”

“Thalia’s been telling me about cars.” Aiden said. “I still am unsure as to how they move on their own.”

“You’d have better luck talking to Raven about that.” Clarke suggested. “See the one who looks like she’s about to murder someone? That’s Raven.”

Aiden look a bit apprehensive, but he dropped back beside her and within minutes had struck up a conversation with her.

Anya shot her an amused look. “This is the happiest I have seen him since I was taken by the Mountain.” She commented.

Clarke frowned. “You knew Aiden beforehand?” It hadn’t occurred to her that Anya would continue to stay in Polis after her second became a Nightblood novitiate. Although now that she thought about it, it made sense.

Anya nodded. “Yes. I was there when they first brought him in. The Commander recognized his potential right away.” She paused before giving Clarke a more searching look. “Speaking of potential…if I may ask, Thalia seems to be a very good fighter. She is almost as good as some of the seconds back in Polis. Did you teach her?”

Clarke couldn’t help but feel proud of Anya’s words. She knew for a fact that the warrior did not give out praise lightly, especially to the people who had accidentally landed near her home.

“I have been training her with the help of Octavia and Lincoln.” She said, guiding Selene up the shore of the lake. “I’m glad to hear that at least some of it has payed off. Although it hardly seems like it what with the amount of complaining she does about every new thing.”

Anya inclined her head letting the smallest of smiles slip through. “Seconds can be difficult. Especially when they are younger and more headstrong. I can remember when Lexa was still a child _,_ she was always getting herself into trouble and refusing to listen.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “It’s hard to imagine the Commander getting into trouble.” She said. “Usually _she’s_ the one correcting me for accidentally looking at the wrong person or saying the wrong thing.”

Anya laughed. “That sounds like Lexa.” She said. “But contrary to popular belief, she was not born with her amazing ability to be calm and collected.”

As their journey progressed, Clarke was treated to several tales of the Commander’s childhood, each one more unbelievable than the last. She was content to just watch and listen to each new story as they made their way down the path that led to Polis.

By the time the sun had started to slide back down in the sky, the tension between everyone in the group had slowly started to melt away. Raven had warmed up considerably after her talk with Aiden and was animatedly chatting with Lincoln and Monty. Aiden had turned his attention to Thalia and seemed to be trying to teach her more Trigedasleng.

Clarke was the one who spotted them first. She held up her hand and immediately Thalia and Octavia reigned in, quieting. Quickly the others followed suit.

“Who is it?” Thalia asked in a low voice, squinting at the group emerging onto the path ahead of them.

Clarke shook her head, at a loss. “I have no idea.”

Behind her Anya frowned. “It looks like a delegation from one of the other clans. Although from which I can’t tell.”

But Clarke had already figured that part out. Even from this distance she could see the distinctive white clothing and paint on the horses.

She loosened her hold on Selene’s reigns, letting her go. Ignoring the warning calls from the others, she made her way towards the group.

It was an awful idea really. Skaikru had never had the best of relationships with Azgeda. But Clarke had a feeling and she had always been more of an act first type of person. Careful to slow Selene she made sure that her approach was as non-threatening as possible.

“Rider!” Someone’s call came and she watched as immediately the entire group bunched up, hands reaching for weapons.

She slowed Selene even more, making sure that every one of them could see she did not have the intent to harm. She’d just stopped when suddenly the crowd parted and from within the group emerged a familiar figure, astride a black horse similar to Selene.

“Long time no see, _Wanheda_.” King Roan of Azgeda called. He didn’t look hostile, only curious and…amused?

She shifted in the saddle, wary. “You too. Are you heading to Polis as well?”

He nodded and glanced behind her, no doubt having caught a glimpse of the others. “We’re close. Want to join us?” Behind him, there was an outburst of startled muttering and Clarke caught one woman giving her a suspicious glare.

She made up her mind fast. “Yes.” She said. “Thank you.” She allowed Selene to move forwards, well aware that if Roan ordered it, his warriors could probably kill her faster than the others would be able to reach her.

Still, she kept a calm composure and rode right up to the king, inclining her head respectfully. Much to her surprise he returned the action.

Behind her the others were already catching up and eyeing the Azgeda warriors still bunched on the road.

“Prepare to move out!” Roan called, turning his horse back towards the front path, Clarke beside him.

“So why are you coming to Polis?” Clarke asked as they set off again. “I thought that it was usually just the ambassadors involved with this sort of thing.”

Roan gave her a pitying look. “You’ve been away too long. The Commander sent messages immediately about the lifting of the barricade and that she planned to make Skaikru the thirteenth clan. Some clans haven’t really taken it well.”

Clarke swallowed hard, fearing the worst. “What does that mean?”

Roan shrugged. “I don’t know. But people are pouring in for the festival as well as your arrival. It seems that everyone wants to be there when the Commander decides your fate.”

 _Great,_ she grimaced. This was definitely not a good sign.

**Lexa**

It was freezing cold outside. Even with the fur lining the inside of her Commander garb she was still cold. Clasping her hands together tightly she forced herself to not shiver. Inwardly she was cursing Azgeda for being late.

Standing beside her was Titus, who was so still he looked like a statue. She frowned slightly, and turned her gaze back towards the main street where Azgeda should be arriving through soon. She and Titus would need to have a nice long talk after this whole thing was over. It wasn’t often that the man try and place himself into the middle of things such as this.

The crowds of people in the square suddenly shifted and started turning towards the end of the street. They talked and whispered as Azgeda finally appeared.

Instantly Lexa narrowed her eyes. “They’ve brought more people than the other clans.” She muttered absently. Scanning the group she picked out the Kings bulky figure beside another smaller form.

As the group neared, flag bearers raised the Azgeda symbol up onto poles, formally announcing their identity. Strangely, part of the group appeared to be pulling away from them. Almost as if they didn’t want to be recognized with them.

Lexa grew even more suspicious when the whispering and muttering grew louder in the crowd. Heads turning towards the smaller group.

It was only when the person beside Roan started to move that she finally got it. They reached up and drew back their hood, revealing blonde hair that gleamed even in the dying sunlight. Shock spread though Lexa as she watched, dumbfounded as Clarke drew her horse to a stop and turned towards where she was standing.

Azgeda had arrived. And they had brought Skaikru with them.

Beside her, Titus inhaled sharply and she didn’t have to look to know that he was already glaring daggers at Clarke.

A little belatedly she realized that Roan had come to a stop as well and she cleared her throat, still caught off guard by the unexpected arrival.

“Welcome to Polis, Roan kom Azgeda and Clarke kom Skaikru.” She called, eyes lingering on the latter. “Please, dismount and come inside.”

There was a moments pause, then the two leaders (she wasn’t entirely sure about Clarke yet) both dismounted from their horses. As the rest of their people followed suit, Lexa looked around looking for the two people she’d tasked with bringing in Skaikru.

Anya and Aiden were already waiting patiently beside their horses as the rest of Skaikru dismounted. She felt a surge of relief wash over her when Anya met her eyes and gave her a small nod. There had been no problems on the way over.

“If you’ll allow me.” Titus said suddenly, drawing her attention back to the matter at hand. “I can greet _Skaikru_ while you greet _Azgeda_.” It was said respectfully but she could hear the warning just beneath her old teacher’s words. _Remember where your allegiances should lay._

For a moment, she was tempted to see what his reaction would be if she ignored him and greeted Clarke first. Almost as soon as she thought of it though, she pushed it away. _Skaikru_ was not part of the coalition yet. As suspicious of _Azgeda_ as she was, they were and so greeting them first was protocol.

“Alright.” She said stiffly. She watched as Clarke turned her head and exchanged a couple quick words with Anya, carefully examining her for any sign of injury. Apart from the faintest limp in her walk, however, Clarke appeared to be fine. She felt some of the weight lift off her shoulders. She was fine. Clarke was safely back in Polis. Everything would be alright.

And with that thought, she straightened her shoulders and turned away from _Skaikru_ and towards Roan.

“ _Mochof ron yu sojon, Roan kom Azgeda.”_

Roan bowed his head before glancing sideways at Clarke. “The pleasure was mine Commander.” He said in English. “I look forward to hearingyour decision about _Skaikru_.” It was said calmly but Lexa heard the slight edge to his voice. He doesn’t want _Skaikru_ to be rejected she realized.

“I’m sure everyone is.” She replied evenly already turning away. “Come with me. I can show you your quarters.”

She’d barely taken two steps when Titus appeared beside her, a vein pulsing in his temple. “This way _Skaikru_.” He managed to get out from between clenched teeth. Behind him Clarke was following, a barely concealed look of fury on her face. Beside the blonde was a younger girl, looking equally outraged (although she was doing a lot worse job at hiding it). Lexa gave her a curious look. She didn’t think that she’d ever seen her before and she found it odd that Clarke would bring such a young person to this event.

The girl, feeling the stare on her, looked up. Her look of anger melted away as soon as she saw who it was and she soon dropped her eyes. Seconds later and Clarke took a step in front of her, shielding her from the Commander’s view.

Lexa raised her eyes and for a split second met Clarke’s gaze. She sucked in a breath at the raw emotion she saw there. Then the moment was over and the blonde was looking away as she followed Titus to the lift.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Lexa fought to compose herself as she turned towards the staircase that would lead her to the second and third floors of the tower. She had clearly not been prepared at all to see the woman who had broken her heart again.

**Clarke**

Her hands were shaking. Swallowing hard, she clenched them into fists, pressing hard enough for it to hurt but not hard enough to break the skin. Beside her Thalia was glaring at Titus, still upset with what he had said to her when they’d arrived. Clarke had already let that go as soon as she had accidentally looked at the Commander.

In that moment she had seen the damage she had so carelessly inflicted on her. Seen it in the restless, haunted look in her eyes and the weary look on her face she wasn’t quite able to hide.

She had never hated herself so much in that moment.

By the time they were off the lift and Titus showed her her room and told her she was to wait there til sundown, she was barely holding herself together. Managing a tight nod she shut the door in the Flamekeeper’s face. Spinning away from the door she started to tug at the strings of her cloak.

Removing the Chancellor’s pin stuck carefully into the knot she let it fall to the ground alongside the cloak, anxious to get the suddenly suffocating garment off of her. Staggering to the bed she collapsed onto it, putting her head in her hands.

What was _wrong_ with her? Why did she always lose every single person she ever loved? A muffled sob managed to slip its way out and immediately she quieted, hands instinctively clenching again.

When nothing happened she sat up and took a deep breath, unclenching her hands and examining to examine them. Her nails had left deep cuts across her palms and she let out a small hiss of pain as she pressed her shirt sleeve to the wounds.

Wiping away the blood, she carefully ripped a strip of cloth from her undershirt and wrapped her hands, trying to ignore the other scars lining her palms and wrists.

She’d just finished when there was a knock at the door. She froze, staring at the doorknob like it was about to explode.

The knock came again, this time accompanied by a voice. “Clarke if you don’t open this door soon, I get the day off tomorrow!”

_Thalia._

Instantly she was moving forwards and opening the door, already rearranging her expression to hide her emotional turmoil.

“What makes you think you can get out of work that easily?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Thalia shrugged, walking past her into her room. “One of these days I’m sure it will work. Hey! Your room is much larger than mine. Though I think mine has a larger fireplace.”

Clarke forced herself to smile. “Probably has something to do with me being the leader of Skaikru.” She said, sitting back down on the bed.

“Well, obviously.” Thalia snorted and moved to the window, peering out. “Yikes, how many floors does this tower _have_?”

“A lot. I think this is the same floor that I stayed on when I was first in Polis so we’re probably on the forty sixth floor.”

“Jeez.” Thalia murmured. Turning around she finally spotted Clarke’s hands and instantly her lightheartedness fell away. She crossed the room and carefully took her hand in hers, lifting the bandages so she could see the damage for herself. As soon as she saw the cuts her face fell. “Oh Clarke…”

“It was an accident.” Clarke said quickly. “I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” Turning to face the teen she reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I promised I wouldn’t do it again, Thalia. And I won’t.”

Thalia still looked worried but she accepted it and scooted closer until her head was resting on her shoulder. “Do you think the Commander will make us the thirteenth clan again? I was listening to some of the _Azgeda_ group and according to them _Ouskejon Kru_ and _Louwada Kliron Kru_ are really mad at us.”

Clarke sighed. “I don’t know. I think the Commander wants us to be the thirteenth clan but she might be forced to listen to the other clans.”

Thalia stirred slightly. “I thought she didn’t have to listen to what her people wanted all the time.”

“Well, that’s true. But she’s a good leader _because_ she listens to her people. Like I said, sometimes you have to put others needs before your own.” Standing up she turned back to her apprentice. “Come on. The sun’s almost set, I need to get your hair done.”

Thalia rolled her eyes but obligingly stood up and moved over to the seating area. It was only later, when Clarke was putting the finishing touches to her braids that she spoke again.

“What happens if the Commander _does_ make us the thirteenth clan?”

Clarke paused before going back to looping her braids together. “We’ll stay here in Polis for a week, and then we’ll go home.” Tying the braid off she stood up and stretched. “All done.”

“Hmm.” Thalia ran her hands over her braids, inspecting for any imperfections. “If we can stay, could we go to the market? I saw some stalls I want to check out.”

Clarke looked up from where she was reapplying her war paint. “Of course.” She felt a flicker of worry at how exactly they would be reacted to but pushed it away, determined to not ruin the moment.

Turns out she needn’t have worried about that, it was ruined anyways. There was a loud knock at the door that startled them both. Glancing out the window, she tensed. It was sundown. “I guess it’s time.” She murmured. Reaching up she fumbled with the straps of her swords sheath. Swinging it off her shoulder she laid it out on the bed before putting her cloak back on and sliding the Chancellor’s pin back into the knot.

“You ready?” She asked Thalia. When she nodded she took a deep breath and opened the door. As expected, a pair of guards were waiting for them. Clarke kept Thalia close to her as they followed them up into the lift and then out into the hallway.

“Fingers crossed.” Thalia whispered behind her and Clarke had enough time to nudge her before the guards opened the doors.

**Lexa**

Every eye turned towards towards the doors as they swung open. Lexa sat up a little bit on her throne as she watched Clarke and the same girl she’d been hiding, walk in.

“Clarke kom Skaikru has joined us.” She announced, climbing to her feet. Around the room the leaders reacted accordingly. Some of them looked interested while others looked furious. Muttering broke out as Clarke made her way straight for her, ignoring her people who were already huddled awkwardly by the throne room steps.

“Commander.” She said and without further ado, sank to her knee. Silence fell as beside her the girl sank to her knee too. Off to the side the others all sank down until every Sky person was bowing to the Commander.

Clarke lifted her head slightly. “You’ve asked for the Chancellor. I was voted into office this morning. I am Skaikru’s new leader.”

The muttering grew louder at the blonde’s words (although Lexa caught Roan smirk and instantly knew he must have found out during their ride in). She was not surprised. Roan and Clarke seemed to have developed a sort of mutual respect for each other after he became king.

She raised her hands, signaling for quiet before returning her gaze to Clarke. “Please, stand.”

Clarke did, and Lexa sucked in a breath when she saw her fully _._ Her hair was braided back similar to when she’d first bowed to her as _Wanheda_ , and she’d applied her war paint as well. A long blue fur-lined cloak hung from her shoulders and she was wearing a black long sleeved shirt with dark jeans that reminded her of the outfit she’d been wearing when they marched against the Mountain.

She became aware that she was staring and quickly tore her eyes away. “As the Commander I have the power to accept _Skaikru_ as the thirteenth clan. However,” Clarke gave her a sharp look. “This is a matter that I cannot judge on my own. _Skaikru’s_ fate will be put to a vote. If there are enough votes then we will welcome you back as one of our own. If there are not enough votes then you will leave my lands and never return. Is that clear?”

Clarke nodded.

“Good. Now, is there anything you’d like to say before the voting starts?”

Again Clarke nodded.

Lexa sat back down and gestured for her to speak.

Clarke took a deep breath before turning around and looking at the rest of the clan leaders (it was then that Lexa noticed the Skaikru symbol embossed onto the back of her cloak).

“I understand that what some of my people did to yours might be unforgivable.” Her voice was strong and sure. “And I understand your anger, your pain. It’s how I felt when Skaikru was left at the Mountain to die.” Lexa tensed feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Oh how she regretted that.

“I’m not going to beg. You all already know what you want. All I ask, is that should you choose to drive my people out, that you allow them safe passage on their way. They are innocent, they don’t deserve to be harmed for mistakes that others made.”

Beside her, the girl looked up, eyes wide. Lexa thought she knew why. Clarke sounded like she wasn’t going to be with them if they left. Which was concerning to say the least.

Some of the leaders frowned, but the majority were already nodding their heads. Clarke exhaled and turned back around, bringing Lexa’s attention back to the matter at hand.

Time for the vote. Getting back to her feet she looked around the room, making sure everyone was looking at her. “For the people thinking that _Skaikru_ should be welcomed back, please stand. For those that believe _Skaikru_ should be banished, remain seated.”

For a moment there was nothing, then Nora, leader of _Podakru_ climbed to her feet. After that it was easy. _Floukru, Azgeda, Sangedakru, Trikru, Ingranronakru_ all stood up. Lexa looked around, holding her breath. So far the leaders of _Delfikru, Ouskejon Kru, Louwada Kliron Kru, Yujleda, Trishanakru_ and _Boudalankru_ were still seated.

Her breathing was shaky as she looked around. “Is this the final vote?”

There was silence and just when Lexa’s heart started to crack, Lyra, the leader of _Trishanakru_ climbed to her feet.

Seven to six. _Skaikru_ was staying.

**Clarke**

They could stay. No one was being banished. Clarke took in a deep breath, feeling like she’d just woken up. They were safe.

“It is decided.” Lexa said and when Clarke looked at her she saw relief clear as day on her face. “ _Skaikru_ is once again the thirteenth clan.”

Clarke caught a glimpse of the leader of _Louwada Kliron Kru,_ who looked thunderous. He was a far cry from the _Trishanakru_ leader. As she watched, she gave her a kind smile. One that Clarke was sorely tempted to return.

“Now that _Skaikru_ is to become part of the coalition.” Lexa continued, because of course there was more. “The leader must take the brand. Unfortunately the one that Marcus Kane wears no longer holds. Clarke, as the new leader, you must take the brand.”

Thalia looked horrified and already Clarke could imagine the arguments she was coming up with as to why she shouldn’t do it.

“Okay.” She said, already rolling up the sleeve on her left arm. Lexa’s eyebrows raised slightly before she turned to the side of the room where a bowl rested, the brand already glowing red. Taking a deep breath Clarke stepped right up to the edge of the bowl and reached out, wrapping her fingers around the handle of the brand.

Lifting it off the coals she studied it for a moment before turning back to the room. Stretching out her arm she made sure that everyone could see as she pressed the brand onto her skin. Instantly searing pain raced up her arm and she exhaled sharply as the smell of burnt flesh filled her nostrils.

Pulling the brand off she tossed it back into the bowl before examining her arm, where the brand was now permanently burned into her skin.

When she looked back up, Roan was shifting his chair aside to expose the chair for _Skaikru_. Walking over to it, she ran her fingers over the arm before taking a seat in it. It felt exactly as it did when she’d last sat in it, although maybe a little dustier.

She allowed her mind to wander slightly as Lexa addressed the other clans about something less interesting (a warning about violence in Polis). She jerked back to attention when Roan stood up beside her. Looking around she realized that everyone else was getting up and the meeting was now over.

“I hope we can work together again in the future.” Roan said gruffly. She nodded. “Me too. Thank you for the vote, you will not regret it.”

Roan was already turning away towards a pair of attendants who were looking curiously at her.

Clarke raised an eyebrow and turned away, looking for her second. She scanned the room before spotting her chatting with Lincoln near the door. Shaking her head, she started out after her.

“Clarke.” Lexa called softly.

Instantly she froze in her tracks. _No,_ she thought, _not now._

But the Commander was already approaching her in all her glory. “Can we talk?” She asked softly. And if she had asked two months earlier than Clarke might have been fooled by the apparent longing in the other woman’s voice. But she had learned not to trust the hard way and she was _terrified_ of how the Commander might react when they were alone.

“Clarke?” Lexa was close. Too close.

She took a step back, nearly tripping over the hem of her cloak. “I’m really tired.” She blurted out. “Could we talk in the morning?” It was the worst of excuses and she felt like an absolute asshole when she saw the disappointment on Lexa’s face.

Still, ever the diplomat, Lexa accepted this and dipped her head. “Of course.” She said. “ _Reshop Clarke._ ”

Clarke’s traitorous heart hammered furiously against her ribs at her words even as she continued to back away.

“Um, goodnight.” She stammered out, feeling her face start to burn. Spinning around she fled the room before anyone could see. It wasn’t until she was safely in the stairwell that she stopped and sank down onto the top stair, kicking herself.

Lexa only had to look at her to turn her into a fucking mess.

This was not a good sign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, this chapter was a bit of a mess. Apologies for how late this is. Now that the introductory chapters are out of the way the story can get going!  
> Please don't hate on Niylah, she had a horrible time too (explained later).  
> *points to anyone who can figure out where Clarke's sword came from* :)  
> Mochof ron yu sojon - Thank you for your journey


	4. Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa receives some bad news, Clarke makes a new friend, Thalia makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: none

**Lexa** ****

“What do you mean he’s still alive?!”

The messenger shifted uncomfortably. “The entire village was burned to the ground, _Heda_. Over half of them were dead, no sign of the prisoner and one man said he was still conscious enough to see his face and identify him.”

Lexa was still for a moment then she turned and slammed her hands onto the table behind her, sweeping off all the books and papers on top of it. She was angry, no, furious. She should have known that that piece of filth would have tried to escape.

Anya looked at the messenger. “Go.” She said quickly and a second later the man was scrambling for the doors.

She turned towards her former student who was breathing heavily and glaring at the wood beneath her fingers.

“ _Daun ste pleni Leksa. Yu ste Heda, nou branwoda.”_

Lexa let out a sigh. “I’m not in the mood for one of your teaching’s.” She said shortly.

Anya shrugged. “No, but you need it. You are letting your emotions get the better of you in front of your people. Calm down.”

Lexa felt another wave of anger wash over her. “How am I supposed to do that?” She demanded. “When I just lost the one thing that is crucial in keeping _Skaikru_ in this coalition!” She smashed her fist into the table. “If Clarke finds out that Pike is still alive she will be furious. And if she tells Skaikru they will panic and turn against us.”

“So tell someone else.” Anya said. “From what I’ve seen she doesn’t seem to trust the others with her except for Octavia, Thalia, and Lincoln.” She spat out the Lincoln’s name like a curse, still angry with his betrayal at the tunnels.

Lexa ignored her disgust. “Who is Thalia?” She asked, massaging her knuckles. Already she regretted her outburst.

Anya shrugged and bent down to retrieve a couple papers. “The younger girl. She’s quite skilled with a sword and Clarke is very protective of her. I suspect _Wanheda_ has taken her as a second.”

“Hmm.” Lexa frowned. She was curious to know more about Clarke’s second but turned her attention back to the problem at hand.

“I could tell Kane. He’s smart and trustworthy, he won’t tell anyone.” As much as it pained her to keep things from Clarke Lexa knew that she would never take the news of Pike’s escape well.

Anya dropped the papers back onto the table, giving her Commander a sideways glance. Lexa had gotten good at hiding how she felt, to the point where mostly no one could tell what she was thinking if she wished it. But Anya had been with her since she’d been a child and even now she could tell that Lexa was thinking about something else. She could see the sadness in her eyes and the slight slump in her shoulders. It really wasn’t that hard to put two and two together after that.

Lexa caught her staring. “What?” She snapped irritably, not in the mood for another lecture.

Anya frowned. “You still care for her.”

Immediately Lexa stiffened, her heartbeat quickening. “What are you talking about?”

Her old teacher gave her a piercing glare. “Don’t play games with me Lexa. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

But Lexa was not about to talk about this. “I have to find Pike before he slaughters more people, now is not the time for useless discussions.” Almost as if on cue the door opened and in walked Titus, a scowl already on his face.

“Two of the Sky people have already gotten into a fight.” He said distastefully. “It appears that their leader is nowhere to be found and the guards want to know what to do with them.”

Lexa zeroed in on the second half. _Where was Clarke?_ “They’re probably hungry. Have the kitchens bring up some food. Tell _Skaikru_ that I will be joining them shortly for breakfast.”

Titus looked horrified. “You want to dine with the Sky people?” He asked incredulously.

“ _Heda_ I strongly urge you to stay away. What if one of them tries to attack you?”

“She won’t be alone.” Anya said behind them. “I’ll be with her. If any of them tries something I’ll slit their throat.”

Lexa nodded in agreement before thinking of one more thing. “Have someone look for Clarke. When they find her bring her to me. She shouldn’t be alone in the city right now, not with the everything still fragile.”

Anya sighed quietly and shook her head. Titus looked like he’d swallowed something sour. Ignoring both of them, Lexa walked out of the room.

**Clarke (2 hours earlier)**

It was snowing as she made her way to the stables. It wasn’t the first snowfall and the flakes weren’t quite big or dry enough to start sticking but still, it was a pleasant sight.

Shaking the snowflakes off her braid she entered the stables and immediately relaxed. The inside of the stalls was dim in the darkness of the morning but she could still make out (and hear) most of the horses in their stalls.

Walking slowly down the aisle she took her time, looking at each of the horses and marveling at the different colors. Some would push their noses out for her to pet while others simply ignored her.

She’d nearly reached the end when she found the stall she’d been looking for. Selene gave a pleased nicker when she drew back the lock on her stall and let her out.

“Hey there, have you missed me?” Clarke smiled slightly when Selene pushed her nose into her, no doubt looking for treats.

“Not this time I’m afraid.” She said, gently pushing her head away so she could have a proper look at her horse. Selene’s coat was dry and clean and the horse seemed content and even calm as she stood beside Clarke’s shoulder.

“Did you miss your home?” She asked, feeling an all too familiar sense of guilt. Selene had had a place here in Polis. One that she’d taken away when she rode her back to Arkadia. Scratching the spot behind her ear she liked to have scratched, Clarke let out a long sigh.

“Something wrong?” Someone’s voice made her jump and turn around, hand creeping up to where her sword was concealed beneath her cloak.

Stepping out of the stall was the _Trishanakru_ leader. Her dark hair was twisted into an elegant bun although Clarke was rather startled to notice that despite her rank she had dressed similar to her with nondescript shirt and pants.

“Nothing’s wrong.” She answered after a second too long spent staring. “I’m sorry if I interrupted you.” The woman smiled and turned back to the stall she’d just exited. Inside it a chestnut horse watched them, ears pricked. “Don’t worry you interrupted nothing.” Taking a step toward her she gave her a curious look. “I’m Lyra.”

“I’m Clarke.”

Lyra’s eyes twinkled. “Ah, the famous Clarke. It’s nice to finally meet the famed mountain slayer who fell from the sky.”

Clarke blushed slightly, embarrassed. Evidently Lyra had already heard much about her. “Er, nice to meet you too.” She said, fumbling to regain her composure. “Thank you for the vote by the way. You saved my people.”

“I was going to stay seated, but your request changed my mind. I like a leader who knows not to try and control things already out of their grasp.” She chuckled. “Also, I’ve always been curious about the people who fell from the sky.”

Clarke exhaled slightly — her version of a laugh. “Well, I promise we’re not much different from you. The only difference is that where we come from we didn’t have two-headed deer and glow in the dark forests.”

Lyra grinned. “Ah, so you have seen the forests. You should visit _Trishanakru_ someday, our forests are much more impressive than the ones here in _Trikru_.”

“I would like that very much.” Clarke said. “Unfortunately, there is always something that needs to be taken care of and as _Skaikru’s_ new leader, that has not gone away in the slightest. So perhaps that visit might have to wait.”

Lyra gave her a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry,” she said, “it get’s easier over time.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “How long have you been leader?”

“I have only been Trishanakru’s leader for three years. Still, three years is enough to teach me a lot of things.” She glanced around them before turning to her. “Want to come with me?”

“To your clan?” Clarke asked, surprised.

The other woman laughed. “No of course not, there’s too much work here to just leave. I was going to go train for a little bit, do you want to come?”

“Train?” Clarke was interested. “Where?”

“Oh there’s a public training area not too far from here. It’s nothing special.” Lyra added quickly. “But I’m afraid it’s all we have, it’s not like we have access to the Commander’s training grounds or anything.”

Clarke shifted her shoulders, feeling her sword press into her back. It wasn’t an especially good idea to go off alone with a stranger but at the same time she was itching for a session. Besides, she could defend herself pretty well now.

“Alright.” She said finally. “I’d be happy to go with you.”

Lyra looked delighted. “Great! It’s this way.” Spinning around on her heel she started down the aisle leaving Clarke to hastily put Selene back in her stall. When she’d caught up, Lyra was halfway across the clearing by the stables.

“What kind of weapon do you prefer?” She asked, falling into step beside her.

Lyra thought for a moment. “It’s pretty normal around here but I prefer a sword. I was taught with other weapons of course but the sword is the one that stuck with me. What about you? What kind of weapons did they have in space? Besides guns of course.”

It was said so offhandedly that for a moment Clarke wondered if she had heard her incorrectly. Rarely was it that she talked to someone other than Skaikru that was comfortable with guns. Even Lexa would get a little tense when they were brought up. Lyra’s apparent comfortability was refreshing.

“We had shock batons and some knives but other than we didn’t have much. But I don’t use any of those. Well,” she thought of the gun hidden beneath her cloak. “Not as much as I used to. Nowadays I use a sword too.”

“Really?” Lyra took a right down a smaller street. “Who taught you?”

Clarke faltered slightly, suddenly uncertain. “A lot of people.” She said eventually. “But I also taught myself a lot as well.” Before Lyra could press anymore she changed the subject. “Do the animals glow as well or is it just the plants?”

Lyra, thankfully, took the hint and played along. “Some do, like the birds. But it’s mostly just the plants that can glow like that.”

Clarke keeps up a stream of questions about the forests and the plants the entire way there. It wasn’t that she thought Lyra wouldn’t believe her if she told her she learned to use a sword in less than two months but rather a strange sense of foreboding at the thought of telling someone.

By the time Lyra stopped directly in front of a surprisingly intact building Clarke had significantly more knowledge about what kinds of things that Trishanakru made as well as their customs and traditions.

“It’s just through here.” Lyra said pointing to a pair of wide double doors. Clarke was surprised to see that several of Lexa’s guards were standing there.

“I thought you said that everyone was welcome here?” She asked cautiously.

“Oh they are.” Lyra said, hurrying up the steps. “They’re just there in case there’s an actual fight. And even then they’re more for controlling the crowds rather than the fighters.”

“Oh.” Clarke felt a little better but still kept a wary eye on the two hulking figures as she passed by.

The inside of the building appeared to be one long room. The walls were cracked and it was dimly lit inside. She looked around in confusion, hoping that this wasn’t the place that Lyra meant for them to train in.

Thankfully, she was already pushing forwards to a set of doors on the opposite wall. Following her, she found herself stepping back outdoors. Instantly her eyes went wide.

“Wow.” She murmured.

They were standing on a wide concrete strip that arced away from them before it sank into the ground. Below it were more arcs, creating what looked like a set of giant stairs. They all led down to a large, surprisingly flat, grassy lawn where a couple people were already training together.

“Come on!” Lyra said impatiently. She jumped down from each concrete step with practiced ease, Clarke following a little more slowly.

When at last they were both on the lawn she looked around, impressed. The grass softened any falls, and it had been meticulously cleared of any stones or sticks that might create a hazard. Off to the sides were racks of weapons, blades dulled to avoid any serious injury. It was perfect.

Reaching up she carefully slipped the Chancellor’s pin out of her cloak’s knot and placed it in an inner pocket before removing the cloak itself, setting it carefully to the side. Reaching up she slid her sword from its sheath and gave it an experimental swing.

“That’s a beautiful blade.” Lyra commented, impressed. She drew her own sword and gave it a hard look. It was shorter and didn’t have the protective ridge at the bottom but it was still a formidable weapon.

“Thanks.” Clarke turned to Lyra, a rush of excitement going through her. “Want to spar?”

Lyra gave her a skeptical look, clearly doubting their abilities were at the same level. Clarke smiled inwardly. They were not.

“I guess.”

Immediately she stepped forwards, careful to make sure she was completely sure of where she was putting her feet. The two woman circled each other, each trying to find the other’s weaknesses.

Lyra was the one who made the first move. She lunged forwards in a feint. Jabbing at Clarke’s abdomen only to swing her sword up towards her chin. There was a clash of steel on steel as Clarke blocked the attack.

For a moment they looked at each other, blue eyes on brown. Then Clarke stepped away and resumed her stance, lips twitching.

“You might want to go a little harder than that.” She said.

Lyra raised her eyebrows but nevertheless lunged forwards. Unlike the last time however, her eyes were narrowed in fierce concentration and she swung her blade with considerably more speed and strength. She aimed for Clarke’s leg.

And found herself blocked again.

Clarke allowed only a second to pass before moving onto the offensive. Lunging forwards she rained two quick blows down at her head. Barely waiting for Lyra to block them she made a low swipe at her legs before straightening and going for her shoulder.

Lyra barely managed to block her in time. Breathing heavily, she looked at her. “Maybe I won’t go easy on you then.”

Clarke shrugged, taking a step back and letting her get her breath back. “That would be appreciated.” For a moment she worried that she’d gone too far in showing Lyra how capable she was with a sword and accidentally risked her anger by immediately beating her.

But when she tried to back off and suggest they train separately the _Trishanakru_ leader waved the suggestion away almost instantly. “You may have won this round but I bet I can beat you next time.” She said, a stubborn glint in her eye.

Clarke was starting to like her.

* * *

“I have never seen anyone else with your fighting style before.”

She shrugged. “That’s what I try to do. Set yourself into a predictable pattern of fighting and people will know your weaknesses the instant you raise your sword.”

Lyra gave her a thoughtful look. “Wise advice indeed.”

They were walking back from the training grounds, it being late enough in the morning that they could no longer shirk their duties any longer. As they walked Clarke looked around in interest. The market was already filled with people despite the snowflakes that were much larger than the ones this morning.

“Have you ever been to one of _Heda’s_ festivals?” Lyra asked after catching Clarke glancing back at a stall with brightly covered cloths being displayed.

She shook her head.

“They are a thing to behold.” She said, smiling slightly as she recalled past memories. “If the weather allows it the markets are filled with people from all clans, come to participate in the festivities.”

“What kinds of festivities?” Clarke asked curiously.

“The Commander usually provides everyone with games and tournaments as well as free days so that everyone can relax.” Lyra paused, grinning. “And at the end there is a large banquet with dancing.”

Clarke stopped dead. “Dancing?” She frowned. “So we’ll be expected to dress nicely?”

Lyra nodded. “Oh yes, even _Heda_ will be dressed differently for the banquet.” Resuming their walk she nudged the blonde with her elbow. “Have you ever danced before?”

“Yes, although it was on the Ark and probably very different than here on Earth.”

Spotting the tower up ahead Clarke quickened her pace, anxious to make sure nothing had happened in her absence. 

She’d barely arrived at the tower steps when the doors burst open and a harried looking messenger emerged. Looking around wildly he spotted her and made a beeline right for her.

“ _Wanheda_.” He panted. “ _Heda_ has requested that I bring you to her. She said it was important that I find you.”

Clarke stiffened, glancing back at Lyra. She felt bad about leaving her but if something was wrong…

“Go ahead.” She said, guessing her thoughts.

Clarke nodded already following the messenger up the steps. His nervousness was starting to affect her and by the time he dragged her into the lift she was considerably more jumpy than she had been previously.

Taking a few deep breaths she tried to calm herself. It worked for the most part and by the time the lift doors slid open again she had managed to fix a look of (what she hoped was) calm on her face as well as stop the shaking in her hands.

“This way, this way.” The messenger said, hurrying down the hall. She frowned. They weren’t on the top floor. If she had to guess she would say they were somewhere along the middle of the tower. So whatever was so urgent didn’t apply to the other clans, only hers.

Quickening her pace she followed the messenger to a set of large doors carved with intricate designs. He all but threw them open and shoved her in. She turned around fast, ready to snap at him but she was interrupted before she could even open her mouth.

“Clarke! There you are!” The next instant Thalia was beside her, giving her a tight hug. “Lexa’s invited us to some sort of breakfast thing.” She whispered in her ear. “And earlier Octavia punched Jasper in the face. Are you okay?”

Clarke gave her a quick nod before drawing away and instinctively checking her for any injury. When none was found she relaxed and finally looked around, her eyes widening when she saw the sight laid out in front of her. A long wooden table had been set out, platters of food covering almost every available surface.

“This is for us?” She asked hesitantly.

Thalia nodded. “The Commander guessed we were hungry so she had this prepared and brought up.”

Clarke, who had been staring at a platter of brightly colored fruits, looked up. Lexa and Anya were standing a little off to the side, watching her expectantly. The rest of Skaikru was already seated at one end of the table, digging into the feast before them.

“Thank you.” Clarke said to Lexa, still feeling a bit off-kilter.

Lexa gave her a searching look. “I thought it might help after last night.” She said quietly. Beside her, Anya frowned and shot Clarke a suspicious look. The distrustful look jarred the blonde back to Earth and she cleared her throat.

“You thought right.” She looked back to where her friends were stuffing their faces with food. When she spoke again she had to fight to keep her voice from shaking. “My people have not seen food like this in some time, it is very kind of you to give us this. I hope I can repay the favor.”

Lexa’s eyes widened and a look of confusion crossed her face. “You don’t owe me anything.” She said quickly. “It’s just a meal.”

For a moment Clarke hesitated, wanting to explain to her that no, it really wasn’t just a meal to them. Eventually though, she relented and turned to the table.

There were plenty of seats available and after a quick glance, she chose the one right beside Lincoln, Thalia claiming the seat on the other side of her. It was only after she was seated that she allowed some of the tension in her limbs to seep out and turned her attention towards the food.

Up close the smells intensified and she felt her mouth water when she caught a whiff of a particularly good smelling stew. Carefully scooping some onto her plate she grabbed a roll and several small oddly shaped purple fruits. 

Settling back into her chair she made sure that Thalia’s plate was full before digging into her own. The stew tasted as good as it smelled and Clarke had to remind herself to breathe as she ate. By the time the stew and bread were gone, her stomach was feeling fuller than it had in weeks. Pushing her plate away she bit into one of the fruits and swept her eyes around the table.

Raven and Jasper were bickering over something while Kane, Monty, and Harper tried to intervene. Octavia was speaking in Trigedasleng with Lincoln and Anya was whispering something in Lexa’s ear.

She narrowed her eyes at Jasper, studying him carefully. She’d heard little to nothing about his time during the barricade but it was clear that little had changed. He carried the same uncaring air from after the mountain and when he caught her eye he sent her a familiar look of pure loathing.

She merely raised an eyebrow and moved on, thinking. Now that she thought about it, it really was not a good idea to have him here. But he knew a lot more secrets about her than she would like and she couldn’t control him if he was somewhere else.

He whispered something Raven’s ear and the two paused and looked over at her, glaring. She sighed. Managing the two of them was definitely going to be a lot more difficult than she thought. Great.

“Do they know what happened to you?” Thalia asked, glaring right back at Raven.

_“_ Nope.” She turned to Thalia, gaze suddenly sharp. “They do not know. And as far as I’m concerned you will not tell them or anyone else anything about what happened during the barricade do you understand me?”

Thalia looked unhappy but she gave a grudging nod. “Yes.”

“Good.” She relaxed slightly and glanced at Octavia. “I want you to go with Octavia today alright? I have to meet with the other leaders today and try and convince them they should help Skaikru.”

“Shouldn’t I be with you then?”

“No. I need you with our people. Octavia will continue your lessons until I can figure out which of them I can trust. Until then, lay low alright?”

Thalia sighed and nodded her head. “Alright.”

The doors swung open abruptly, drawing everyone’s eyes. Lyra looked startled at the breakfast table and especially more so when she caught sight of the Commander herself. “Forgive me _Heda_.” She said quickly. “But I’m afraid I need to talk to _Wanheda_.”

Clarke stood. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. “No, but I have a meeting with Satoka kom Azgeda and Isaac kom Ingranronakru and I’m told your presence was supposed to be there as well.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. That was a lie. Still she pretended she knew what Lyra was talking about. “I’ll see you later.” She said to Thalia. Giving Lexa a quick nod she strode from the room close behind Lyra.

As soon as they were in the hallway Lyra exhaled sharply. “You’re having breakfast with the Commander?” Something in her tone made Clarke stiffen, her previous relief at seeing her evaporating.

“It was just this morning.” She said stiffly. “I wasn’t trying to win points or curry her favor.”

A look of hurt crossed Lyra’s face and she shook her head. “That’s now what I- look, I was justsurprised. I’d heard she liked _Skaikru_ but I guess I never really believed it.”

The answer, while seemingly harmless, made Clarke uncomfortable. Trying to change the subject she gave studied Lyra’s clothes. She looked vastly different from her previous attire earlier. Gone were the simple pants and shirt, replaced with high quality garments made of fabric that almost seemed to glow (unsurprisingly). Her hair too, was now pinned back into an elegant bun and there was a shimmery powder on her eyelids.

It made Clarke very aware of the fact that she still hadn’t changed from her training clothes and was covered in dried sweat. The only thing marking her as someone important was the cloak on her back and the Chancellor's pin

Reaching up to her braid, she started to undo it. “Who’s Satoka?”

Lyra shrugged. “She’s Azgeda’s new ambassador. She’s okay, stays to herself most of the time.”

Clarke nodded, filing away the information. “Why isn’t Roan doing the meetings?”

The question earned her a laugh. “He’s the king, he passes off all the work he does’t want to do to others.” Lyra wrinkled her nose slightly in distaste. “Apparently he came to Polis for the vote and the festival, nothing else.”

“Hmm.” Clarke stopped suddenly, making Lyra look back at her. “Did the others really want me in the meeting or did you need something?”

“Oh, no, they really did want to meet you.”

She straightened slightly, preparing herself. “Alright let’s go then.”

She followed Lyra as they made their way down the stairs. When they made it to the meeting room she took a deep breath and strode in.

Isaac and Satoka were standing over a table talking quietly. When Clarke and Lyra entered they looked up, curious.

“Found her.” Lyra announced, sliding over to the table to peer at their papers. “What did I miss?”

Satoka ignored her and looked Clarke up and down, eyes narrowed. Never one to be intimidated, Clarke repeated the action and studied her. She was much like Anya in a sense, distrustful and yet curious about the new arrival. Isaac seemed to be a bit more relaxed, giving her a cursory glance before starting to talk to Lyra. She returned her attention back to Satoka.

Her dark brown hair was loose around her face but it still wasn’t enough to keep Clarke from seeing the two twin crescents engraved into her skin on the outside of each eye. Directly below them were small slashes that twisted down to the bottom of her jaw in a spiral. 

_She’s ready for war,_ Clarke mused, then frowned. Lincoln hadn’t taught her about Azgeda’s scars had he? Her confusion was cut short as a horrible stab of pain went through her temples. She winced and rubbed at them, suddenly feeling overheated even in her simple shirt. As soon as the feeling came though, it was gone, leaving her confused.

“It’s Clarke right?” Satoka asked suddenly.

She nodded, shaking away her unease.

“Hmm.” She scowled slightly. “Don’t expect me to roll over just because you’re _Wanheda_. You don’t scare me.”

Lyra and Isaac looked taken aback at her harsh words but Clarke relaxed. Unlike Lyra’s seemingly joyful trusting nature, Satoka was more rigid and serious. Which she respected.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to show me deference.” She said calmly, approaching the table. “I’m not special.”

Lyra looked like she wanted to argue with that, but she kept silent.

“Alright.” Isaac cleared his throat. He gestured down to the papers on the table. “That was a nice introduction. Now can we go back to doing actual work?”

Satoka huffed and turned away, talking to Lyra and ignoring her entirely.

“Thanks.” Clarke said quietly when she got close enough. “And thank you for the vote yesterday as well.”

He shrugged slightly. “It’s like you said, the innocent shouldn’t be punished for the guilty.” Gesturing to the page he indicated a bunch of scrawled out numbers and words. “Now. What can Skaikru bring to the clans?”

* * *

The meeting ran long. By the time they’d finished writing everything down the sun was well up and the tower was bustling with activity.

“Let’s stop and go get lunch.” Lyra suggested, stepping back from the table to stretch.

“Want to come with us Clarke?” Isaac asked, “we’re going to go see if we can find the other ambassadors and then go explore the market.”

Clarke shook out her hand, thinking. She would have liked Thalia to be with her, but she was safer in the tower with Octavia. Besides, the other ambassadors would be there as well, if she had any chance of gaining their trust, it would be now.

“Sure.” She said. When she glanced at Satoka, there was nothing except impatience on her face. That was good.

“Great! Lyra, can you take the papers this time?”

Lyra muttered something under her breath but scooped up the papers anyway. “I’ll be there soon. Don’t leave without me!” She hurried away into the hallway, nearly knocking over the messenger who had just been coming in.

“ _Wanheda_ , your presence is requested by _Heda_.” The messenger said.

Clarke’s eyes narrowed. “Did she say why?” She asked suspiciously. The messenger shook his head. “No I was simply told to come find you and bring you back.”

_Damn it._

Turning back to Isaac and Satoka she sighed. “I guess I won’t be able to go with you.”

“Oh, maybe you can come tomorrow?” Isaac suggested sympathetically, Satoka just shrugged.

_Not likely if this is anything like this morning._ “I hope so.” Turning back to the messenger she gestured tiredly towards the hallway. “Let’s go.”

She tried not to limp as he led her up a flight of stairs but at this point it was inevitable. The knife wound to her leg was healing but the ride yesterday and her training session this morning had been too much too soon and now she was paying the price.

The messenger was heading down a familiar hallway and she tried not to be too annoyed when she spotted the familiar door of the breakfast room.

“She’s in there.”

“Thanks.” She approached and pushed open the doors. She was not at all surprised to see that the table had been cleared of it’s breakfast dishes and was now covered in lunch options. She was even less surprised to see _Skaikru_ once again clustered at one end of the table.

“Clarke!” Harper exclaimed. “There you are!” She hurried from her chair and held out a roll of paper. “Thalia told me to give this to you. Something about her and Octavia.”

Instantly, worry flooded over her. Opening the scroll she scanned the first few lines.

_Octavia’s making me do some stupid written exercise so we’re going to be late. Don’t worry I’ll be there soon. Try not to murder Raven or Jasper while I’m gone. Love, Thalia._

“Everything alright?” Harper asked, trying to read the words upside down.

“Everything’s fine, they’re just caught up in other things.” Stuffing the paper into her pocket she approached the table, heading for the chair she’d had earlier. Once she was seated she glanced around, quick to note that Anya was absent this time and it was just Lexa.

“Commander.” She said politely.

Lexa smiled slightly. “Clarke.”

Trying to ignore the way her heart seemed to be doing a dance against her ribs (whether from fear or…something else she couldn’t tell) Clarke looked at the food. There seemed to be even more food than this morning and she hesitated.

“Here.” Lincoln noticed her confusion and picked up what appeared to be some sort of small pastry. “These are really good.”

Clarke took it and studied it for a moment, trying to figure out what it was. Finally she took a small bite off the corner. The pastry was flaky and her eyes widened at the unexpected explosion of flavor in her mouth.

“Wow.” She said. “They are good.”

Lincoln smirked, “what, you think I’d lie to the famed _Wanheda_?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Since when has my title stopped you from lying?” She shot back. “Last I checked it was a motivator not a hindrance.”

Lincoln shrugged and leaned forwards picking up a pitcher of something. Picking up the cup in front of Clarke’s plate he filled it with whatever was inside the pitcher.

“Here, have this too.”

Clarke set down her half eaten food and frowned at him. “What are you doing?”

He held out the cup towards her. “Helping my Chancellor get her strength back.”

She sighed. “I was stabbed not shot, my leg is absolutely fine. I think you’re forgetting that I know how to practice medicine.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lexa look over and lowered her voice. “Besides, if I wasn’t fine then Thalia would be perfectly capable of taking over.”

“I’m not talking about your leg.” Lincoln said. “I’m talking about you in general. You need to eat and rest if you have any chance of healing from what happened.”

“Now you just sound like my mother.” Clarke picked up her cup and peered inside. “What is this anyways?” She asked, deliberately changing the subject.

Lincoln sighed but answered anyways. “It’s sheep’s milk mixed with honeysuckle nectar.”

“Hmm.” She had no idea what a honeysuckle was but she raised the cup to her mouth she took a tentative sip. The milk was rich and sweet made even more so by the nectar. It was delicious.

“Maybe I _should_ let you tell me what to eat.” She said after draining her cup. “You have quite good taste.”

“What’s this about Lincoln’s taste?” Octavia strode into the room a smirk on her face. Behind her Thalia followed a little less enthusiastically.

“I was just showing Clarke which foods were the best.”

Octavia scoffed. “You couldn’t have told me about those before I ate that awful tasting fruit earlier this morning?”

“Well, Clarke is the Chancellor.”

Clarke got up from her chair, ignoring the two and approaching Thalia.

“You okay?”

Thalia shrugged. “Octavia’s an awful teacher. I had to explain to her that I already knew how to strategize against attacks and plan ahead.” She made a face. “Seriously Clarke I lived with her for three weeks and she didn’t realize I knew that. How much did you tell her about what I already know?”

Clarke took her hand and led her back to the table. “Not much I’m afraid. But you’ll have to continue with her for the day I’m afraid. Tomorrow I’ll bring you with me, I promise.”

Thalia looked much happier at that. Cheered up, she promptly dug into her lunch with gusto and even managed to engage Monty in a long talk about different kinds of plants and their purposes that bored everyone else.

Clarke was watching Lincoln try to explain to Kane what was in the pastries when Lexa called her name.

“Commander?” She asked cautiously, tensing.

Lexa hesitated for a moment. “I would like to have a meeting with you after lunch about _Skaikru_.” She said at last. “And I would like Thalia to be there.”

Clarke was slightly taken aback at the fact that Lexa had even asked if it was okay with her. Then again, Lexa always seemed to be doing things like that. At least a couple months ago she did.

“Alright.” Turning away from the brunette she tapped Thalia’s arm, interrupting her conversation.

“Change of plans. You’re coming with me after lunch to have a meeting with the Commander.”

Thalia’s eyes went comically wide. She glanced at Lexa and then back to her mentor. “Er, okay, thanks.”

Clarke just shrugged and stood up, looking to Lexa. “I’ll be back here in fifteen minutes, I just need to take care of something first.”

Lexa nodded and stood up as well. “Alright.”

Without further ado Clarke hurried from the room. She didn’t exactly know why she was so nervous about meeting with Lexa. She had been acting nice last night during her arrival and during the vote but Clarke wasn’t a fool, she had seen the tense set in her shoulders and the way Lexa had been glancing at her every so often during breakfast and lunch. Something had changed since last night.

Shuddering, she barely avoided tripping on the steps. She was still deep in thought when she reached her room. It was only after she wasted two minutes staring at her room that she realized she was going to be late if she didn’t get a move on.

Wrenching her saddlebags back open (she should probably take out her clothes and put them away) she found her better pair of jeans and a dark blue long sleeved shirt. Yanking off her dirty training clothes she quickly redressed and draped her cloak over her shoulders, making sure the Chancellor’s pin was safely in the knot.

Hurrying from the room she made it onto the lunch floor before realizing she hadn’t checked the wound in her leg. For a moment she contemplated stopping but dismissed it quickly. There was not time and she would not be late to this meeting

When she emerged into the hallway, Thalia was waiting for her in the hallway beside Lexa.

“Follow me.” Lexa said as she saw her. She turned on her heel and headed down another hallway, leaving the two to follow her.

“You okay?” Clarke asked Thalia quietly as they followed her. “I’m fine Clarke.” Thalia said sounding exasperated. “Unless you count being bored out of my mind earlier. Speaking of which, you really need to talk to Jasper.”

Clarke heaved a sigh. “Jasper wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole never mind speaking to me. I think someone else should do the talking.”

“And who else is going to take him seriously?” Thalia countered. “Monty, Harper and Raven would never talk like that with him and Kane thinks he’s just a kid. Add to that the fact that Lincoln and Octavia are refusing to talk to him and you aren’t left with that many options.” She nudged her. “It has to be you.”

Clarke had to agree. “Fine. But when he punches me you’ll see how much he really hates me.”

Thalia frowned. “If Jasper punches you I’ll just punch him back.”

“You will do no such thing.” Clarke said sternly. “I killed Maya, he has a right to be angry. Besides, the barricade had to be hard on him as well. You’re going to leave him alone.”

Ahead of them Lexa cleared her throat. “We’re here.” She said, glancing between them.

Clarke gritted her teeth. “Great.” Sweeping into the room, the first thing she registered was Anya, leaning against the table. As soon as the other woman saw her she straightened. “ _Wanheda_.”

“Anya.” She held her gaze for a moment until Thalia appeared beside her, blinking at the sunlight pouring in from the windows.

Anya’s expression softened slightly at the sight of the younger girl. “Thalia. How was your morning?”

Thalia smiled at her, recognizing the familiar face. “Horrible. What about you? Have you kicked Aden’s ass lately?”

“Thalia.” Clarke sighed, shaking her head. But there was no bite to it and she was more interested in the documents on the table than reprimanding her second.

Anya let a brief smile show. “Aden has yet to beat me. But he shows great promise, just like you.”

Thalia blushed, caught off guard at the compliment. “I’m not that good.” She protested. “I haven’t even been able to beat Clarke or Lincoln or N—”

“Thalia.” This time Clarke’s voice was sharper and she gave the girl a warning look. “Now is not the time.” _Don’t say her name,_ was what she really wanted to say.

Thankfully Thalia seemed to get the message. Giving Anya one last smile she headed over to the table. Glancing up at her teacher she tapped the table with her index finger, carefully asking a question. _Niylah?_

Clarke carefully tapped out the answer on her arm. _Not now._ She wasn’t exactly sure whether she meant when she was ready or when they were away from Lexa and Anya.

“So these maps, why are they of the mountain?” Thalia asked abruptly turning back to Anya. She didn’t look at Lexa but from her tone it was clear she was asking both of them.

Lexa took her place at the head of the table. “A couple of weeks ago, there was an explosion near the mountain. When the guards arrived, they discovered that it was near the top of the mountain, near what appear to be several doors.”

“You think it was us?” Clarke asked quietly, studying the map.

“I believe it was someone with enough knowledge to know how to build a bomb sophisticated enough to blow just enough up so that parts of the mountain can now be accessed.” Lexa’s voice was calm but there was definitely an edge there.

Strangely, it made Clarke relax. Distrust she could work with.

“Do you know anyone that would try and get out of camp?” Anya asked.

Clarke frowned and pulled the map towards her, looking over the marked areas. “Everyone stayed mostly within Arkadia after the first few days.” She said thoughtfully. “And Pike made it mandatory that no one except for the guard were supposed to be outside of the walls after the first week.”

Turning to Anya she shook her head. “No one still alive today wanted to leave, they were all too scared.”

“What about you? Or your friends?” Lexa asked.

Clarke was already shaking her head. “I spent time outside the wall but I never left. And Octavia told me that no one staying with her tried to leave either.”

“I stayed with Octavia for a couple weeks.” Thalia piped up. “She’s telling the truth.”

“What about Lincoln?” Anya sounded suspicious. “Could he have done it?”

“No.” Clarke said firmly. “He was staying with Octavia and the others for a while. He did go into hiding with Octavia and Thalia but it was inside the Ark. Besides, he doesn’t know how to build specific kinds of bombs.”

She looked back to Lexa. “Whoever went after the mountain, it wasn’t us. We were behind your barricade the whole time.”

Something that looked very close to sorrow flashed across Lexa’s face. Then it was gone and she was turning back to the map. “Very well.” Pushing aside the map she produced another long list of what appeared to be random items. “These are what’s available for trade from _Trikru_. I trust that the other ambassadors have given you lists similar to this?”

Clarke nodded, thinking of Lyra and Isaac. Satoka had just lifted a shoulder, muttering something about talking to Roan first.

Taking the list she scanned it quickly. Most of it, she realized, _Skaikru_ would need, especially with winter nearly upon them.

“I can make a list.” She murmured. “We don’t have much but I think we’ll have enough.”

Thalia made a small worried sound. Clarke understood. Beside guns and medicine _Skaikru_ had close to nothing.

Folding the list in half she turned to Lexa, squaring her shoulders. “What exactly is our role here in Polis? Lyra’s told me about the festival but I wasn’t sure if we would be welcome there.”

“When’s the festival?” Thalia asked, interested.

“The banquet is at the end of the week. I could probably talk to the ambassadors and get lists down before it happens.” Clarke glanced out the window, where the sun was shining brightly. “If these conditions hold we could leave Polis in a couple of days.”

“Leave?” Lexa looked startled. “You weren’t part of the group that went to kill the three hundred warriors. You’re the one who gave Pike to the grounders.” She stumbled a bit over her words, earning herself a furious glare from Anya. “You’d be more than welcome here. And even if you weren’t you are here under my protection. No harm would come to you or your companions during your stay here.”

“Oh.” Shifting she glanced at Thalia who was trying not to seem too excited at the prospect of going to the festival. “Then I guess we’ll stay until the end of the week.”

Lexa looked relieved.

They talked for a while longer, Clarke providing them with as much information she felt was necessary to share. By the time Anya declared that the meeting was over, she was feeling a lot more optimistic about the coalition.

Gathering up her pile of papers she had just turned to leave when Lexa stopped her.

“May I talk to you? Alone?”

Immediately she tensed, fear settling over her.

Thalia and Anya had twin looks of worry on their faces as they looked at their respective leaders, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Sure.” Clarke forced out. Handing Thalia the papers she forced herself to turn back to the table.

Thalia cast her one last look before heading out, followed by a distressed looking Anya.

Clarke surveyed the map of the mountain on the table. Whoever blew it up clearly had known what they were doing. The area uncovered appeared to be where the missiles had been kept. Although that was even more confusing since all of the missiles had been destroyed when Azgeda blew it up. 

“Is something wrong with your arm?” Lexa’s voice cut through her focus and she startled. Raising her eyebrows she gave her a perplexed look. “What?”

“Your arm.” Lexa repeated, gesturing towards her left arm. “You were holding it at an odd angle through the meeting.”

Clarke glanced down and frowned. It didn’t look like she was holding it any differently but that was just her.

Lexa moved from the door to beside her. “May I?” She asked reaching for her arm. Clarke hesitated slightly before giving in and extending her arm towards her. Whatever Lexa was intending to do, the sooner she get it over with the better. 

Gently, Lexa’s fingers probed up and down her forearm until they hit the area where the brand lay. As soon as she touched the tender surface, Clarke inhaled sharply and jerked her arm back.

“Sorry,” she blurted out. “That still hurts.”

Lexa, who had immediately drawn away at her reaction, gave her a concerned look. “I’m sorry.” She murmured. “I should have given you something for that. Er, may I?” She said giving her arm another look.

Clarke sighed and rolled up her sleeve. Now that she’d seen it in better lighting she realized how angry the burn still was. Swiping her finger over the area she sucked in a breath. Yup, that definitely still hurt. Looking over at Lexa she frowned again. The Commander seemed to be staring at her bare arm and when she met Clarke’s eyes a faint blush appeared in her cheeks.

“Let me see.” She said, reaching out and gently taking ahold of her wrist. Clarke suppressed a shiver and held still as Lexa examined the burn, using the utmost caution and barely touching the affected skin with her fingertips. "I didn't know you had a tattoo." She said quietly, keeping her gaze firmly on her arm.

Clarke started in surprise. The edge of her sleeve had ridden up around her elbow exposing a small spiral of black ink marching down her skin.

"I don't make it a habit to really show anyone my tattoos." She said uncomfortably. She completely missed the way Lexa's eyes widened at the mention of her having more than one. 

"Well, your burn looks like it's doing fine. If you want I can have one of the healers bring you some cream, it will help with the pain considerably."

"I'd like that." Clarke gently pulled away from Lexa, rolling down her sleeve. "So was there anything you wanted to talk about beside the burn on my arm?" She asked hesitantly. 

"Right." Lexa straightened up, the soft expression on her face disappearing to be replaced with one far more colder. A trickle of fear went down Clarke's spine and she took a small step back. 

"I need to know if you planted the bomb at the mountain."

“What?” Immediately the walls that Clarke had started to let up came crashing back down. “I told you, no one left camp!”

Lexa shifted slightly, looking pained. “Yet you said you were alone outside the wall. Who’s to say you didn’t leave and set the bomb yourself?”

Clarke was furious. “I would never risk the safety of my people over something so risky and foolish! Besides, why on Earth would I want to go back to the place where I killed three hundred people!” Lexa flinched but Clarke plowed on. “Which was your fault! Everything that happened there was your fault!”

Lexa’s eyes darkened. “I did what I had to do.” She said sharply. “For _my_ people, just like when you left!”

Clarke stiffened. “Don’t you dare.” She hissed. “I wasn’t leaving your people to _die_ by leaving Polis!”

“You were just leaving me.” Lexa retorted.

Clarke recoiled as if she had been struck. There it was. The topic she’d been so desperate to avoid. Judging from the look on Lexa’s face it was clear that she had not intended say that.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.” She said quietly, eyes fixed firmly on the table. “But my people will always come first.” Grabbing the list from the table she exited the room as fast as she could nearly running Thalia over.

“Clarke! What happened? It sounded like you were yelling.”

She exhaled and resisted the urge to smack her head into the wall. “I’m an idiot that’s what.” She mumbled. “And the Commander hates me.” Picking a random direction she walked as fast as she could, anxious to get as far away as possible.

“She probably doesn’t hate you.” Thalia reasoned, jogging to keep up. “She’s just upset because of what happened. She’ll get over it eventually.”

“I doubt it.” Clarke said dryly. “Lexa’s not really one of the forgive and forget types. Besides I ran away without even saying goodbye.” She flinched at a sudden thought. “Apparently that’s all I’m good at.”

“Hey.” Thalia gave her a disapproving look. “No you're not. You were forced to make hard choices that wouldn’t have ended well either way. If Lexa can’t see that then she has a problem. Although I highly doubt that she doesn’t know that. She did leave you at the mountain. I know she regrets that.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “And how could you possibly know that?”

Thalia shrugged. “Anya told me. She said that she wanted to apologize for leaving us to die. That if she could she would do it differently.”

That was…new. Clarke felt a bit bad for yelling in Lexa’s face. But all she’d heard was the blame and the raised voice and she’d reacted instinctively, her wounds — both mentally and physically — still fresh from Pike’s reign.

Almost unconsciously she brushed her fingers across the scar on her neck. The product of a particularly brutal session with Pike. If she allowed herself to drift back to the night it happened she could still remember the blinding pain as the knife carved into her skin.

“Clarke? Are you okay?” Thalia reached out a tentative hand, uncertain about whether she wanted to be touched or not.

Clarke took her hand, suddenly craving contact. She folded Thalia into her arms, resting her cheek against the top of her head. 

“I’m sorry Pike hurt you.” She whispered softly. “If he wasn’t already dead I would hunt him down and make him feel all the pain he caused you.”

Thalia buried her face into her neck. “Not just me.” She corrected. “And I’ll be alright, I’ve got you.”

“True.” Tightening her grip Clarke closed her eyes. “I won’t ever leave you Thalia, I promise. You are my family now, alright _strikon_?”

Thalia laughed slightly. “Who are you calling little?” Reaching up she hugged her back. “And you’re my family too.”

Clarke shivered, oddly relieved at her words. Thalia had remained at her side the entire time and even been the one to suggest her training but it was still different to hear her actually confirm that she was in it for the long haul. It helped to heal the cracks in her, knowing that no matter what, she had someone there for her.

She closed her eyes trying to ignore green eyes that used to look at her with the same kindness as Thalia’s.

* * *

For the rest of the day Clarke did nothing but meet up with the other leaders. Some of them like Nora from _Podakru_ or Metias from _Sangedakru_ , were nice enough and mostly helpful when it came to negotiating what each clan could offer to each other. Others were not. She got into a rather loud shouting match with Katia from _Delfikru_ before Isaac and Nora came running in and led her off.

“Don’t mind her.” Nora advised. “She just sour because her brother was among the warriors killed.”

That really didn’t help. Now Clarke could add one more person to the list of people who had died because of her people. At this point she wasn’t sure why she was even keeping track. There were just too many of them.

She skipped dinner that evening. When the messenger came she told him she was too busy to go. Then she locked herself in her room and buried herself under paperwork. By the time the sounds the others coming back from dinner could be heard, she’d managed to write a rudimentary list of things they could trade as well as another list of what they would need.

At one point Kane knocked on her door and helped her organize hunting parties and new rules for Raven to relay to Abby over the radio. When he finally left Clarke slipped down to the stables to make sure Selene was okay for the night, even snagging a quick snack for herself from the kitchens on her way.

Returning to her room, she worked until the fire had died down and the candles had burned down considerably. Only then did she get up and move around a bit.

An hour or so later and the words on the page were starting to blur together. Clarke finally accepted the fact that she probably wasn’t going to be doing anymore work for the night. Removing her cloak she stretched and dug out a comfortable short-sleeved shirt and shorts.

Five minutes later and she was sliding beneath the furs on the bed, already half asleep. She drifted off still thinking about what items Skaikru would need in order to survive the winter.

_She was standing by a large frozen lake. Everything was still and quiet and coated in a blanket of white. Taking a deep breath she relaxed as the freezing air entered her lungs. This was where she was supposed to be. Not in some stuffy warm town further east._

_Behind her a stick snapped and in an instant she was spinning around, drawing her sword._

_A child tumbled out from underneath a snowy clump of bushes. “I found you!” He announced brightly, cheeks red from the cold._

_She laughed. “How many times have I got to tell you? You need to sneak up on me unseen and unheard as well.”_

_The boy pouted, crossing his arms. “How am I supposed to do that? You’re the Commander and I’m nobody!”_

_“Hey.” Kneeling down she took his hands in hers. “You are not nobody. You are special and powerful and the whole world should kneel before you. Sha?”_

_The boy shifted on his feet slightly. “The whole world? That’s a lot of people.”_

_“One day they’ll see how powerful you really are.” She promised, pulling him in for a hug._

_“They will.” The boy said. Except his voice was darker, with a sinister hiss at the end. “Starting with you, dear sister.”_

_Alarmed she tried to pull back but it was too late. The blade caught her right in the neck, slicing through her artery._

_Blood spattered out onto the snow and she fell back with a gasp, trying desperately to stem the flow. Above her the boy stood calmly, holding the knife in his hand._

_“Relax sister.” He murmured as she gasped and choked. “We’ll be together very soon. Then you’ll see what power we can really have.”_

Clarke sat bolt upright with a choked cry, hands flying to her neck. There was nothing there, no blood, no wound, nothing.

Ripping back the covers she stumbled to her feet, barely paying attention as she crammed a shirt over her head, hand still clutching her neck where the wound had been.

As soon as she’d strapped her sword sheath over her back she was out of the door and down the hall to where she knew Thalia’s room lay. She raised her hand to knock on the door only to stop.

Thalia was doing good. She was happy here in Polis, and so far there had been no mention of the nightmares that haunted them both. It would be selfish of her to wake up the girl and remind her of them simply because they frightened her.

Making up her mind she backed away from the door and headed for the staircase. Except for the occasional guard there was no one else awake and she was able to get to the bottom floor of the tower unseen. Slipping out of the door she headed around the tower until she reached the stables.

There were several lanterns inside the stable and she picked one up before heading down the aisle, careful to keep her steps a quiet as possible.

Reaching the end of the first row she clicked her tongue and waited. There was a shuffling sound and then Selene appeared in her stall, ears pricked in curiosity.

“Hey girl.” Stroking her nose she let out a shaky exhale, unable to keep her fingers from drifting back up to her neck. It had all felt so real…

“I’m going to stay down here tonight.” She whispered. Unlatching the stall door she entered, careful to step lightly and slowly so Selene wouldn’t spook.

Luckily the black horse only eyed her for a minute before heading back to her food trough and searching for any missed grain. 

Clarke chose a corner and sank down onto the hay, careful to blow out her lantern before she did. Sitting there in the dark she felt herself start to nod off again as Selene moved around her stall before eventually laying down herself and going back to sleep.

Eventually she fell asleep too. 

**Thalia**

Clarke had come by her room earlier. It was something she had expected. The events of the last few days had been tolling and sooner or later Thalia had been expecting her teacher to show up. What she hadn’t been expecting was Clarke to leave before even coming in. Thalia found it unsettling. She never did that.

Shaking her head she resumed her search. She had scribbled down a message to ask Abby to tell Niylah but it appeared she had lost it. It hadn’t been in the breakfast room or the area that Octavia had been teaching her in.

A hard gust of wind blew through the hangings of the nearby window and extinguished the candle in her hand. She shivered. Without the light the hallways seemed a thousand times darker than they had previously.

Giving up on looking for her message she turned back in the direction of her room, trying to ignore the way the dark seemed to be closing in on her.

She’d just reached the stairwell when something scraped against the floor further down the hall. She froze, holding her breath as she listened with all her might.

When nothing happened she took a cautious step up the stairs. There was another scraping sound and this time she heard a soft exhale.

Thalia pressed herself into the wall of the stairwell, heart racing. _I’m not afraid._ She thought as another footstep sounded. _I am_ ** _not_** _afraid._ But as more footsteps came her way she gave up. She was afraid. Very very afraid. Her hand crept down to her waist where her dagger was stashed.

The person was getting closer and closer. Thalia tried her best not to breathe too loudly but it was clear that whoever it was heard her because all of a sudden the footsteps stopped. 

She gripped her knife harder and started to slide it slowly from its hiding spot.

A hand grabbed her arm, yanking her out of the stairwell.

She swung the knife, stabbing into the dark. The blade sank into something and she heard a yell of pain. Immediately she ripped herself away, going for the stairs.

She didn’t go very far.

Her attacker grabbed her shoulders, slamming her into the wall and knocking the knife out of her hand. Before she could scream a hand clamped over her mouth, and she felt something sharp pressed against her neck.

“ _Nau yu na wan op, Wanheda_.” A man’s voice snarled. The blade pressed harder into her neck.

Thalia struggled. But she couldn’t see anything and with the awkward angle from the stairs, she was already off balance. Cold fear settled over her, whoever it was didn’t know she wasn’t Clarke. And judging by how hard he was pressing the knife into her neck, it wasn’t likely that he would listen if she tried to explain.

Almost as if he’d read her thoughts the blade pressed harder into her neck. She closed her eyes against the pain but didn’t dare make a sound. If she could just-

Something crashed into them. The hand pinning her to the wall disappeared and Thalia gasped as her foot slipped, sending her falling down the stairs. Flailing she grabbed onto the first thing she felt and pulled. Sudden weight fell onto her and her back slammed into the very hard floor, driving all breath from her lungs.

Sounds of a scuffle rang through the hallway as she tried to breathe. Abruptly footsteps came towards and then past her as whoever it was ran away. Thalia coughed weakly and had just pushed herself to her hands and knees when someone put their hand on her shoulder.

Instantly she stiffened, swinging around and coming dangerously close to stabbing the Commander in her arm.

“Thalia it’s me! It’s Lexa.” A second later and a match flared to life illuminating Lexa’s face. “Are you okay?” She asked, worried.

“I’m so sorry.” Thalia blurted out. “I wasn’t trying to attack you, there was someone else, I didn’t-”

“Thalia.” Lexa said gently. “I know you weren’t trying to hurt me. Now are you hurt?”

“Um, he got me on my neck but I don’t think that it’s serious.”

“Here, let me see.” Lexa nudged her chin upwards, squinting at her neck.

“What are you doing here?” Thalia asked, “isn’t it the middle of the night?”

“I couldn’t sleep. What about you?”

Thalia paused, trying to figure out how much she should reveal. “I was worried about Clarke.” She said finally. “I needed something to do.” She winced. “I guess I should have stayed in my room.”

Lexa’s expression tightened but she remained silent, still checking her neck. At last she pulled away. “You should be fine. It’s a little deep but nothing life threatening. Can you stand?”

Thalia immediately nodded and stood up. Her legs were a little shaky but for the most part she felt fine. Looking back at Lexa she gave her a grateful look. “Thank you for helping me, I probably would have been dead if you hadn’t showed up.”

Lexa looked even more troubled but she managed a nod. “Of course.” She hesitated for a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to walk you back to your room?”

Thalia raised her eyebrows, already recovering from her scare. “I think I’ll be fine. This isn’t my first rodeo.” She smiled at the look of total confusion on the other woman’s face. “I’ve had more than one person try to attack me. But I’m armed and now I know to be on the lookout.”

Lexa nodded. “Alright. Goodnight Thalia _kom_ _Skaikru_.”

“Wait!” Thalia fiddled with the bottom of her shirt, suddenly nervous. “The attacker, he said something before you came. I think you should know.”

Lexa stood up to her full height, looking suddenly a lot more formidable. “Go ahead.”

“He said _Wanheda,_ he must have mistook me for Clarke. I think that he meant to kill Clarke tonight.” She gave Lexa a concerned look. “If he got away then she’s in danger.”

Lexa’s face was grave. “For now Thalia I think you should return to your room and stay there. We’ll discuss this with Clarke later in the morning. I’ll put guards at yours and Clarke’s rooms to prevent anymore attacks.”

Thalia shivered slightly. “Alright. Goodnight, _Heda_.”

She returned to her room, making sure to lock the door. Pacing around her room she couldn’t help but glance at the door every few seconds, making sure no one had come in.

On the fourth lap she gave in and crossed to the small cubbyhole she’d stashed her spare clothes in. Carefully removing her clothes she dug out a radio — one she was definitely _not_ supposed to have — carefully switching it on and holding down the button.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” She waited anxiously.

Several long minutes later and the radio crackled to life. “Thalia?”

Her entire body sagged in relief. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear your voice.”

“Is something wrong?”

Thalia released a shaky breath. “I need your help. Someone is trying to kill Clarke and I’m scared. I think I might to try to kill her next.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, Pike is still alive!  
> Remember when I said I was going to have a schedule? Oh how quickly that fell apart lmao. Unfortunately the amount of work I need to do for my classes is really big but I'm still going to try and update fairly close together.  
> That one part with the boy and the knife was a dream btw.   
> Daun ste pleni Leksa. Yu ste Heda, nou branwoda - That's enough Lexa. You are the Commander not a fool.  
> Strikon - little one  
> Nau yu na wan op - Now you will die


	5. Life Will Pass Me By If I Don't Open Up My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skaikru gets another ally, Clarke meets the other clan leaders and has a talk with Jasper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: none

**Clarke**

Lyra and Thalia found her sitting on the steps of the tower watching the comings and goings of the crowds.

“Hey Clarke.” Thalia said carefully, taking a seat close by. “Everything okay?”

Clarke sighed and looked over at her. “Of course not. What are you doing here? Did Lexa decided breakfast was a one time thing?”

“Er, no she invited us all for breakfast again.” Thalia glanced at Lyra. “I was worried when you didn’t show up so I went looking for you. I found Lyra halfway through and she said she could help me.”

Lyra smiled slightly. “I figured that you might be at the training grounds.” She took a seat on her other side. “Is everything okay with the other leaders and ambassadors? I know Satoka can be a bit harsh but she means well.”

Clarke smiled slightly. “No it’s not them. Although I do need to work on that. No it’s me. I screwed something up and now I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Oh. Well I’m sure whatever it is you’ll figure it out. You don’t really look to be the helpless type.”

“Thanks.”

On her other side Thalia frowned. “Can I please come with you today? Lyra’s nice and from what I’ve heard so are Nora and Isaac. And I guess Satoka too. Besides you said I needed to learn.”

Clarke tried not to appear too surprised at the request. Usually Thalia never pushed when it came to these types of things. She was always more willing to let Clarke sort everything out. Although she did have a point with the last sentence.

Still…

“I was already going to let you come along with me today.” She said sternly. “Relax a bit Thalia, this is important but it doesn’t mean we have to bury our noses in work the whole day.”

“Does that mean you’ll come with us for lunch?” Lyra asked hopefully. “Thalia can come along too. She’s pretty decent actually for a sixteen year old.”

Thalia wrinkled her nose slightly and Clarke felt a bit more of her guard come down at the interaction. “I can try. I should probably start the meetings though.”

“Great!” Lyra leapt to her feet. “Cassian is probably free if you want me to try and get a hold of him. And Satoka checked in with Roan so _Azgeda’s_ going to try and speak with you soon if that’s alright.” She paused. “Also you might want to talk to Katia. She’s still angry about yesterday but I think she’d still talk to you.”

“Great.” Clarke was already hardening, pushing away all possible distractions — her anguish over yelling at Lexa, the pain in her leg, the stiff ache in her muscles from the stalls — burying them under a colder demeanor.

Fixing her cloak more securely around her shoulders she gestured for Thalia to follow her as she headed back inside the tower.

They headed back to her room where Clarke could gather all her papers from the day before and Thalia could straighten herself up a bit.

For the briefest of moments Clarke debated on whether to apply her warpaint. She decided against it. The others probably wouldn’t take to kindly to her in her paint and besides, she only had so much left in the jar.

Glancing over her shoulder at Thalia who was flopped out on her bed she reached up and drew her thumb across her throat for perhaps the fiftieth time, remembering the way the knife had sliced through her skin.

Shaking her head she drew back and glanced at her thumb. Her eyes widened. There was a drop of blood glistening on her finger where she was sure a moment ago that there had not been.

“Can I ask you a favor?” Thalia asked, right at her shoulder.

Clarke gave a start and the blood vanished. “What do you need?”

Thalia shifted slightly, looking worried. “I need you to help me with my memories. I want to be able to let go of what Pike did to me. To us. But I don’t know how to do that.”

For a moment Clarke felt a flash of jealousy at the fact that Thalia felt like she could move on. Then it was gone and she nodded. “Of course I’ll help you. But don’t expect it to happen overnight. This sort of thing needs time; I’m still figuring things out.”

Thalia looked relieved. Leaning forwards she gave her a hug. “Thank you.”

Clarke said nothing except return the hug. As she carefully wrapped her arm around her she spotted something in the shadows near her bed. It was the boy from her dreams, except this time there was another person, a young woman, beside him. He was sitting quietly beside her, fiddling with something in his hands. 

Clarke frowned. The woman’s face was obscured by long auburn locks but there was something familiar about her. As she watched the boy turned around and looked at her. His eyes darkened and he made a gesture against his throat.

She flinched backwards, forgetting about Thalia as she tried to back up quickly.

“Whoa what’s going on?” Thalia let go of her, stumbling slightly. She turned concerned eyes on her and reached for her hand. “You don’t look so good.”

Clarke cleared her throat and latched onto the first reason that came to mind. “I didn’t get much sleep last night. I think it’s starting to catch up with me.” Glancing over her shoulder back at the bed she saw nothing but shadows.

“You’re having nightmares again aren’t you?” Thalia looked serious as she leaned forwards trying to look into her eyes. “Do you want me to go to Octavia? I bet she could find a healer that would give you something calming.”

“No, those don’t stop the nightmares.” Taking a deep breath Clarke ran her fingers anxiously through the red strands of hair. “And I’d rather Octavia didn’t know I’m having nightmares. She’d just do something rash.”

“Hmm maybe.”

Clarke gently extricated herself from Thalia’s hold, turning back to the coffee table. “I’ll be fine today Thalia. I’m not quite tired enough yet to require you to step in. Although you’re going to do that soon.”

“Wait what?” Her diversion worked and she gladly accepted the worried questions about the other ambassadors.

By the time Lyra showed up again everything was back to normal more or less. Her thoughts were quickly silenced at the look of apprehension on Lyra’s face.

“So I wasn’t able to quite talk to Metias yet about whether he could talk to you or not. Turns out that Roan wants to talk to you Clarke. He was rather insistent about it too.”

Clarke sighed. Great. At least she could take comfort in the fact that Roan wasn’t like the others. He was more cunning and wise than the others. He was an actual enemy, one she wouldn’t hesitate to challenge, be it on battlefield or over politics.

“Alright fine, where is he?”

“He’s on the fifth floor.”

Clarke nodded and brushed past her, already thinking ahead of what Roan could possibly want. Thalia followed a little less certain but when she made no move to stop her she brightened. Together they made their way down to the fifth floor.

Roan, true to his word was waiting near the stairwell. He was dressed in a long fur cloak similar to Clarke’s and his crown of antlers was sitting on his head. Behind him were at least four guards plus Satoka and the other female warrior that had caught Clarke’s attention earlier.

“Wanheda.” Roan said taking a step forwards. “How nice of you to join us.” He looked over her shoulder and Clarke stiffened slightly.

“Roan, I’d like you to meet Thalia. She’s here today as my second. I hope it’s alright with you that she comes to today’s meeting.” There was a hint of steel in her voice that made it clear that Thalia was staying no matter what the king thought.

Roan just smirked. “It is refreshing to be around you again.” He said, amused. Turning to the female warrior he waved a dismissive hand. “Echo go find Jyn. Your services are no longer required here anymore.”

Echo nodded and disappeared off down the hallway. Clarke stared after her, curious. If she remembered anything from Octavia’s stories, Echo was the one who’d deceived Bellamy and helped blow up Mount Weather the first time.

Roan started off in the opposite direction forcing her to hurry to catch up. “So why did you want to talk to me?” She asked.

He glanced at her. “There have been things said about your people that would be less than complimentary. While I suspect there is more to you than meets the eye I would like to…ally myself with _Skaikru_. _Azgeda_ is on of the biggest clans in the coalition. We have supplies that your people desperately need and all I ask for in return is an ally.”

Clarke mulled it over. “What have the other clans been saying?” She asked finally.

Roan smiled, knowing she was interested. “There has been talk about your involvement with _Trikru_. After your departure our Commander was, how do I put this, very distraught. It got people talking about the true nature of the relationship between you and her. They think that you are unfit to be called Wanheda, foolish in my opinion considering your activity in the woods.”

Clarke’s stomach gave a lurch and she stiffened. “Activity?” She asked carefully, dread curling around her. She’d tried to get far away from Arkadia when carrying out Pike’s tasks but from the sounds of it she hadn’t quite succeeded in concealing the sounds from those outside the barricade.

“Strange voices in the night. Gunshots and screams. The explosion at Mount Weather. People fear you are angry with Lexa and are planning your revenge. They think that turning you and your people away will help the Commander survive your wrath.” Roan stopped outside of a door and turned to her. “Satisfied?”

She felt dizzy under the new information. “I don’t want to take revenge on Lexa.” She finally said. “She did what needed to be done to kill Pike. As for the other information, I’ve never head voices in the night and I’ve already told Lexa that we had nothing to do with the explosion on Mount Weather.” Straightening her shoulders she glanced back at Thalia who was deep in thought.

“ _Skaikru_ will ally themselves with _Azgeda_. You’ll offer us help as we rebuild and in exchange we’ll offer you protection and strength in the alliance.”

Roan smiled, triumphant. “Then let’s make our terms official.” Opening the door he swept in. Clarke was about to follow when Thalia caught her arm. “You can’t seriously be considering this.” She whispered. “It’s madness.”

Clarke tugged her arm out of her second’s grip. “I trust Roan.” She said firmly. “Besides, I’m not considering it. I’m doing it.”

Without another word she followed Roan into the room. It appeared to be just another meeting room. There was a long table and a fireplace crackled quietly off to one side. Other than that the decoration remained non-existent.

Roan was standing at the end of the table. Pieces of parchment were held down with stones and as she approached he lifted what appeared to be a stick of charcoal and scrawled something across one of them.

“ _Azgeda_ can ensure supply wagons as soon as the next moon.” He said, pushing the parchment towards her. She picked it up and studied the list. It was filled with the things they so desperately needed: blankets, tools, clothing, and most importantly food.

“I can vouch for you if anyone stops you.” She pulled out her own little stick of charcoal. “And in the event that something happens that requires it, _Skaikru_ will back you up.” She added the lines. “But let it be known that if at anytime you do not fulfill your end of the bargain or try and hurt any of my people, this alliance is over.”

Roan nodded. “The same goes for you.” He warned, accepting the parchment back. He reached for his belt and pulled out a knife. Wrapping his fingers around the knife he pulled downward, not even wincing at the bite of the blade. Opening his hand he held it over the piece of parchment allowing for drops of red to splatter onto the paper.

“ _Oso tai choda op kom jus.”_

Clarke reached for her own knife and mirrored him, slicing into her palm. Reaching out she clasped his hand over the paper, their blood running together. “ _Oso tai choda op kom jus._ ”

* * *

“That was the stupidest decision I’ve ever seen you make.”

Clarke rubbed her hand over her eyes, feeling tired. “Thalia I’m not in the mood for an argument right now.”

Thalia looked mutinous and after a moment she kicked at the wall. “I just want to know why you would even make that deal with Roan when we have Lexa’s protection already.”

“Lexa may be the Commander but she is not the leader of _Trikru_. Roan is a strong and powerful ally who rules one of the most vicious clans in the coalition. Besides we need the supplies he’s offering us.” Clarke glanced back at Satoka who was walking a couple paces behind them looking bored. “If something were to happen, _Azgeda_ on our side would greatly increase our chances of survival.”

For a moment Thalia looked at her confused. Then her expression cleared into understanding. “You’re afraid Lexa will retaliate for your fight.” She said flatly. “How many times do I have to tell you Clarke, she is _not_ our enemy.”

“You don’t know that.” Clarke retorted. “I’ve hurt her over and over. There’s always a limit to how much someone can take before they break. We both know that better than anyone.”

Thalia chewed her lip, looking worried. “She’s stronger than you think though, and she really does care about us. She is willing to get her hands dirty to protect us.”

“And how could you possibly know that?”

“I was attacked last night and Lexa-”

Clarke grabbed her arm, and power walked to the end of the hallway ahead of Satoka. “You were attacked?” She asked once they were out of earshot. Stepping back she quickly looked her over, searching for injury.

“I’m fine.” Thalia said trying to placate her. “Lexa came and fought them off. She helped me Clarke, don’t you get it? I mean nothing to her and she still helped. We can trust her.”

Clarke spotted something on her neck and her blood ran cold. Reaching forwards she gently brushed Thalia’s hair out of the way exposing a cut. It was shallow and looked cleaned but still Clarke saw red.

“Who did this?” She growled. “I swear to god I will hunt them down and tear their _head_ off.”

“No!” Thalia grabbed her arm. “You can’t. If word gets out that you did that then they might target me even more. You need to talk to Lexa about this. You can’t go murdering random people because they hurt me. Promise me that Clarke. Please.”

For one brief moment she wanted to say no she wasn’t going to promise that. But she’d never purposefully put her second in danger and as much as she would have enjoyed flaying whoever had laid a hand on her very publicly, she nodded.

“Fine. I promise. You said that Lexa helped you?” Clarke tried not to show how shaken she was at the idea that someone had tried to attack Thalia so soon after their arrival.

“Yeah. She wants to talk to you about it actually. See if maybe you guys could put together a plan to find the attacker and their clan.”

Clarke hesitated. “They can’t have ever met you before this visit though. Do you know why they went after you?”

Thalia looked unhappy. “It wasn’t me they were after.” She admitted. “I think that they thought you were me. I wouldn’t blame them, we are sort of the same height.”

A familiar feeling was starting to settle over her. She had tried her absolute best to keep Thalia safe from harm, she had taught her how to fight and only trusted Octavia and Lincoln and still it hadn’t worked. When her second had needed her most she had vanished and left Lexa of all people to help.

 _You’re just a burden,_ a familiar voice whispered in her head. _No matter what you do it will never be enough. They’ll never appreciate it._

“Hey,” Thalia grasped at her hands, holding them tightly. “I know what you’re doing Clarke. You’re telling yourself that this was all your fault. But listen to me, it was not. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. Besides it was the middle of the night. Everyone besides us is usually sleeping by then.”

Clarke looked away. She wasn’t convinced at all but still she made an effort to pull herself together and silence the whispering in her mind. “Let’s go find Lyra.”

Footsteps signaled Satoka’s approach. “Not to interrupt this little talk,” she started, “but Lyra told me to take you to Cassian next. We should get moving.”

Clarke flushed, embarrassed at the interruption. “Of course.” Falling into step beside her she glanced at her. “Do you know Lyra well?”

Satoka shook her head, keeping her gaze firmly ahead of her. “She’s a clan leader.” She said stiffly, moving ahead a step and putting an effective end to any attempt at conversation.

They stayed silent until Satoka delivered them right to a meeting room door somewhere around the thirtieth floor (Clarke was seriously considering using the elevator for once). “Don’t forget lunch.” Was all she said before vanishing down the hallway.

“Here goes nothing.” Clarke muttered under her breath. She pushed the doors open, careful to keep a half step in front of Thalia just in case.

Cassian was perched on the table, staring into the fire. He looked up as soon as they entered. “Lateness seems to be _Skaikru’s_ specialty.” He mused giving them a critical look.

Clarke tried not to bristle. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Your people required constant watch while you were being blockaded. Do you know how many warriors I had to take away from their families just so they could stand in the bitter cold and do nothing but watch an empty forest?”

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said carefully. “But I’m sure you’re more glad to see all those warriors return without a scratch, rather than Pike and his followers get out and slaughter your warriors and their families in droves.” She held his gaze for a moment before jerking her chin at Thalia. “This is my second. She can be trusted to stay quiet about anything that goes on in here.”

Thalia gave Cassian a small nod, keeping to Clarke’s side. Cassian looked startled at her address. “She’s a child.” He pointed out.

“I’m a year younger than Clarke was when she fell from the sky and took command of her people on the ground.” Thalia said smoothly. “I’ve faced hardships in the sky and on the ground that you can never understand. Trust me, I’m not a child. Besides, your Commander was four years younger than me when she won the conclave and ruled the coalition.”

Cassian retreated, looking beaten. Clarke tried not to smile. Octavia would be proud.

Pulling out a chair she settled herself in it and got down to business, quizzing Cassian on what they could trade and receive in return. She found that as the minutes ticked by his somewhat arrogant manner started to drop away as he got invested into business.

Beneath the tough exterior and he was actually a lot more pleasant than she expected. Still, she kept cold and distant. Lyra and Satoka, different as they were, had voted for _Skaikru’s_ stay. Cassian had not. And she was not about to forget that.

Thalia however seemed to have a different plan. She pestered the leader with countless questions. What were the towns like? Were there flowers like the woods here? What did the people do? Was it warm or cold?

Clarke understood her method. Mixed in with the harmless questions were more…dangerous ones. Ones that would have raised eyebrows had they been asked by someone older. But as Thalia still retained a youthful look most other people dismissed her as a curious girl more interested in flowers than war and politics.

Clarke knew this because it was what everyone had thought about herself when she had been younger.

There was a small knock at the door and Lyra poked her head in. “We’re getting ready to go to lunch if you’re coming.”

Clarke felt a small lurch of excitement in her stomach and nodded quickly. “We’re coming.”

Gathering up her papers she folded them carefully and concealed them in an inner pocket. Cassian and Thalia close behind, she followed them all down the stairs.

They had just emerged onto the fortieth landing when Octavia’s voice rang out.

“There you are!”

She hurried up to the group, out of breath. Almost instantly her eyebrows shot up in confusion as she noted Lyra and Cassian. “Ambassadors?”

“Leaders.” Clarke corrected. Glancing over her shoulder her stomach swooped as she saw Lexa, Anya, Lincoln, Monty, and Harper. This must be the lunch level.

“So what are you doing?” Octavia asked curiously.

“We’re going out to lunch with the other leaders.” She felt a twinge of guilt at not being able to bring along Octavia or Lincoln. She’d take them out next time. “Is everything alright?”

Octavia nodded and a smile appeared on her face. “Monty found the gardens and has been introducing us to a variety of new plants.”

Clarke sighed, she had a good guess at what those might be. She looked at Lexa carefully, trying to discern any sign of injury or alarm. There was none.

“Can you come meet up with us tomorrow in the library? Lyra has something she wants to show the four of us.” Octavia shared a mischievous look with Lyra and Clarke stifled a wave of jealousy. She couldn’t afford to get attached right now.

“Sure.”Taking a step back she caught Anya’s gaze. The older woman was glaring at her fiercely, suspicion written all over her face. “Tell them why I’m not joining them.” Then she was turning away, continuing down the staircase.

“I didn’t know you were having lunch with the Commander.” Cassian remarked innocently as he followed her.

“Yeah you and everyone else in this tower.” She muttered under her breath. Glancing back she checked that Thalia was still there before looking to Lyra. “So where do you eat?”

“Oh there’s this tavern that makes some amazing food. They also have lots of drinks too if you’re wanting to loosen up, maybe have some fun. And it’s right near the market so you can go spend all your money quickly after you get drunk.”

Thalia smiled. “Clarke’s not one to get drunk.”

Clarke swatted her arm. That was private information.

Cassian snickered. “Have you ever had alcohol on the ground?”

He had a point. The only alcohol (besides Monty’s moonshine) she’d had was the whiskey that Finn had found in an old abandoned car when they had been hiding from the Mountains poisonous fog.

“I don’t have any money.” She said, changing the subject to a much more important one. “I didn’t even know money still existed.”

“You didn’t have money in the sky?” Lyra asked looking surprised.

“We did. It was a different kind. Some of it existed and some of it didn’t.” She caught the looks of confusion on their faces and sighed. “It’s…hard to explain.”

“Well, here on the ground we have something different than non existent money.” Reaching into her pocket Lyra withdrew several thin reddish gold coins. “We usually trade but in the event that we have nothing on us of any importance than we use these. Here.” She deposited some of the coins in Clarke’s hand.

She held one up and tried to study it in the dim stairwell lighting. She made out what appeared to be some sort of engraving before Cassian jostled her and she nearly dropped them.

“We’re close.”

Scowling, she returned the coins to Lyra and jumped the last few steps down, emerging into the thirty fifth floor hallway. A couple other people were waiting there for the elevator and Clarke tried not to grimace as she spotted Katia among them.

“Hello everyone.” Lyra spotted Satoka and grinned at her. “I see you decided to come along again.”

Satoka mumbled something and looked away, embarrassed. The other leaders all looked at Clarke and Thalia, curious about the newcomers. Clarke recognized most of them. There was Katia of course, and Metias, Nora from _Podakru_ , and Gillan from _Louwoda Kliron Kru_. But the last person, a female, Clarke had no idea her name.

“Nice to meet you.” She said politely. “I’m Clarke.”

Mia and Metias gave her a friendly smile. Gillan frowned slightly but didn’t seem overly hostile like Katia. The other woman hesitated slightly before returning the greeting.

“I’m Korra.” She said quietly.

Clarke nodded, piecing it together. She was from _Ouskejon Kru_ , Blue Cliff Clan. She’d voted against _Skaikru_ which would explain her wariness. 

“We’re all here?” Lyra asked, ignoring the obvious tension. She slid open the elevator doors and slipped inside, already chatting away with a hesitant Satoka. The others filed in after them, squeezing together in the narrow space. Clarke found herself with Gillan on one side and the wall on the other.

She remained silent the whole way down, not liking the experience one bit. By the time the doors slid back open her stomach was churning and she was drawing in deep breaths to keep from throwing up.

They filed out and headed for the front doors of the tower where the other leaders were waiting. Luckily for Clarke and Thalia they only gave them a few looks before their attention returned to the markets and to food and they were largely left alone the way to the tavern.

Clarke herself was largely distracted in the surrounding sights and smells of Polis. She’d seen a little of the market earlier in the morning when she’d trained but it hadn’t been much and to be honest she thought it looked like the same as when she’d been in Polis last time.

Oh how wrong she was. The booths had all been pushed out and all around them were cries as people on all sides called for her attention. She saw paper and clothes and weapons and food. There was so much food. The smells were rich and almost irresistible. Before long her mouth was watering and her stomach rumbling.

It made her feel calmer than she had in a long time to be surrounded by such…humanity. There was no war here, no pain or torture. She felt the voices in her head quiet as she looked around and even felt the temptation to smile when she saw a young girl and boy fighting in front of a stall filled with what looked like small sweet rolls.

Lyra appeared beside her looking pleased at her reaction. “Wait til you see the other clans festivals. None are quite as big as this one but still, they are something to behold.”

Clarke nodded in agreement still trying to take everything in at once. “I’ve never seen so many people in one place before.” She admitted. “Even on the Ark there was limited space for the crowds.”

“Well you’re on the ground now.” Lyra said cheerfully. She took Clarke’s arm — completely missing the way she tensed up at her touch — and led her back to the group.

They headed down a small alleyway that spit them out on a new street, filled with less people. Katia seemed to be taking the lead as she headed straight for a bigger, bulkier building and kicked open the door. Even from several yards away Clarke could hear the snippets of laughter and talk when the door swung open.

Thalia appeared at her side looking excited and slightly apprehensive. When she spotted Lyra’s hand on her mentors arm her eyebrows shot up but much to Clarke’s relief she said nothing.

The inside of the tavern was surprisingly warm. There was a large fire roaring in the hearth and that combined with the many patrons ensured that any cold was quickly banished. There were many tables and most of them were already filled. Smells of alcohol and food swirled throughout the room and people laughed and drank and talked.

Clarke was in awe. With a start she realized that Lexa had been right. Polis was changing the way she thought, not only about the grounders, but the world. She followed Lyra to the table that the other leaders had quickly claimed, ignoring the curious glances thrown her way.

“So what do you think you want to eat?” Lyra asked her once they were seated. She had to raise her voice slightly to be heard over the din.

“Er, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

“What about you Thalia?”

“Same as Clarke please.”

Lyra nodded and leaned further down the table trying to talk to the others. Under the table, Thalia found Clarke’s hand and she squeezed it, a bright smile on her face.

Clarke gave her a much more subdued version. Shifting in her seat she craned her head around trying to catch a glimpse of the kitchens. Her view was considerably limited and after a while she gave up and refocused on the table in front of her.

Gillan seemed to be entertaining most of the other leaders with a story about his home village. Even Thalia was listening with interest as he went on to describe some sort of accident caused by one of the children that involved the entire years worth of berries and some sort of animal called a raccoon.

She relaxed slightly as even Katia laughed at his attempts to act out a certain scene. Reaching up she carefully undid the ties of her cloak and folded it carefully. She felt strangely bare without its comforting weight and she made sure that her braid was covering her neck, lest anyone see the scars there.

A hand knocked into her shoulder and she stiffened looking around. Lyra stood there holding out a cup of something.

“Here, drink this. It’s some of _Trikru’s_ best drink.”

Clarke sniffed the mug cautiously before taking a small sip. It tasted bitter, and sort of like apples, much to her surprise. She swallowed and tried not to make a face at the lingering bitterness still on her tongue.

“It’s um…very interesting.” She said trying not to offend Lyra.

But she simply laughed. “Horrible isn’t it?” Glancing around she lowered her voice. “In my opinion _Trikru’s_ drinks are awful compared to ours. Much more bitter and heavy.”

“I don’t entirely disagree with you on that.” Clarke said, taking another sip. It was still bitter but this time it went down a little easier.

“Lyra are you already corrupting her?” Isaac called from down the table. The others turned in their direction, curious.

Lyra straightened up with a frown. “Of course not! She agreed with me that the drink here isn’t as good as others.”

The others all rolled their eyes at her and Clarke took another sip smiling.

“So Clarke, does _Skaikru_ have any kind of drinks?” Metias asked.

She nodded, putting down her mug. “We do actually. Although it’s pretty awful. I’d rather drink this than our moonshine.”

Thalia snorted into her water. She knew from experience how awful it was to drink moonshine.

“Moonshine? What an odd name don’t you think?” Isaac nudged Korra who shrugged and turned away. He sighed and got up. “Come on Lyra I’ll help carry the food back.”

Clarke watched them go with mild interest. Turning back to the table she tried to pay attention to what the others were talking about. At one point Nora roped her into a conversation about what kinds of animals she’d seen with Satoka and Cassian. After Clarke admitted that she’d been the one to fight the Pauna with Lexa the others looked at her with a little more respect.

“Coming through.” Lyra announced, cutting through her description of the mutant gorilla. She set down Clarke’s bowl with a flourish and winked. “There you go. One bowl of very hot chicken soup.”

Clarke’s mouth watered as she picked up her spoon. She’d never smelled anything as good as this in her entire life she was sure of it. She spooned some up, and put it in her mouth, anxious to eat. It turned out that Lyra had not been joking in the slightest when she said it was hot.

Scalding hot broth burned her tongue and throat and she coughed, eyes watering. At least it had tasted just as good as it looked because now she wasn’t sure if her tastebuds were working anymore.

Beside her Thalia snickered at her expression. Clarke gave her a sideways glare as she casually tried to ice her tongue with her lukewarm drink.

Much to her relief she was not the only one who had burned themselves. Cassian looked particularly pained over his bread and steamed vegetable dish.

Beside her, Satoka handed her a mug of something. “For your tongue.” 

Clarke took the mug and was rather delighted to discover that it was the same sheep's milk drink that Lincoln had introduced to her at breakfast the other morning. She took a large swallow and felt instant relief as the cool liquid soothed her burnt mouth.

“That really helped.” She said gratefully. “Thank you.”

Satoka shrugged a shoulder, seemingly uncaring. But there was a pleased look in her eye as she turned back to her conversation with Isaac.

Content with her new drink Clarke busied herself with eating and answering everyone’s many many questions. Beside her, Thalia did the same although Clarke noticed that the others were far more open to her. She didn’t much care, Thalia was far better at the whole get to know someone thing than she was.

After a while she even started to relax and enjoy herself. The other members of the tavern weren’t paying them much attention and the food really was good.

Scraping up the last bits of soup she tried to explain to Lyra what a tablet was and how it worked.

“It’s like a really thin piece of wood except it’s made out of plastic and glass and when you click on different parts of it it gives you lots of different information.”

“But where does that come from?” Lyra asked, completely lost. “You said that it couldn’t come out of thin air but then you say it’s really thin so how does it store all this information?”

“Well back before the world was blown up, there were tablets everywhere alright? Information was uploaded by people to be stored onto software and from there people around the world could access it.”

Lyra looked at her like she was speaking in tongues. “I think you may just have to show me.” She said finally.

“I could also introduce you to my…someone I know. Her name’s Raven and she knows tons more about this than I do. I’ll have to ask her but I think I can get her to help explain how everything works.”

“Alright.” Lyra said doubtfully.

“Hey you two!” Metias called down the table. “You almost ready to go?”

They both nodded, setting down their cups and bowls (Isaac had happily accepted her ale after she pushed it away unfinished) and standing.

Clarke reached for her cape and swung it easily around her shoulders, sliding her pin back into the knot. Making sure it was covering the back of her neck she turned to Thalia and made sure she had her jacket on.

“This was great!” Her second whispered, eyes sparkling. “I sort of wish that we could have brought Octavia and Lincoln though. They would have loved it.”

Clarke had to agree. “I know. Maybe next time when all the negotiations are over, we can go out and eat with them.”

“I’d like that.” Thalia said. She looped her arm through Clarke’s and led her to after the others. “We could even invite Monty or Harper. They seem pretty nice.”

“Maybe.” Clarke stepped out into the streets again. This time there was a sharper bite in the breeze and she tugged her cloak closer around her. It was snowing again. Although this time the flakes were bigger and fluffier, coming down in thick swirls.

 _Good,_ she thought, _finally some actual cold and snow._ A small smile on her face she turned back to the group and was surprised to find Satoka and Nora staring at her.

“What?” She asked defensively.

“Nothing. We just thought that you’d be more inclined to _Trikru_ temperatures than this cold.” Nora pointed out glancing at Satoka.

Clarke snorted slightly. “I mean where I used to live they regulated the temperature so it was never too hot or cold but yeah, I prefer the cold. It’s a lot better than the heat. I feel like I’m being cooked alive. Plus the ice and snow is actually quite pretty.” Beside her Thalia looked confused.

Nora looked slightly triumphant. “Hmm, well it’s nice to find someone who thinks that this place is too hot and appreciates the north's beauty.” She nudged them in the direction of the group. “You young people are always caught up in your romances and arguments to give much attention to what’s going on around you.”

Clarke shared a disbelieving look with Thalia as they caught up with the group. Satoka was probably the least romantic person besides Anya they’d ever met and Clarke and Thalia themselves weren’t very young anymore in terms of foolish arguments matters.

She could see Nora’s point though. To the older leader she was the youngest of the group (beside Thalia). Besides Lyra the rest of the leaders/ambassadors were probably all over twenty five or so. It made sense that there would be doubt about her thoughts and capability.

Also the fact that she was the new leader of a clan that had just murdered three hundred of their warriors.

Shaking her head she pulled Thalia a little closer to her side as they made their way back to the tower. The walk back was just as thrilling as the first. The market was a little less busy but there were still plenty of sights and smells.

When they finally reached the tower steps Clarke was surprised to find that between her full stomach, the warmth of her cloak, and the comfortability of Thalia and Lyra by her, she was starting to feel a little bit drowsy.

Squashing herself back inside the elevator she found herself not minding the shaking and lurching of the metal box as it moved upwards.

Satoka tapped her arm as it stopped at the middle floor to let out most of the leaders. “Me and Nora will be talking over our alliances. You should come too.”

“Alright. But aren’t your meeting rooms at the bottom of the tower?”

Satoka shook her head. “We aren’t going to be using those ones. We’re going to use the main library of the tower. It’s nearer to the top since the Commander uses it most often.”

“Oh.” Clarke wasn’t sure how she felt about that. On the one hand she desperately didn’t want to face the Commander’s anger but on the other hand she really should talk to her and come together to find the bastard that had hurt Thalia.

She straightened slightly and as the elevator started its journey upwards again, ran her hands over her hair. It was in its usual braid but she could feel where it had started to come loose and fall apart. Yanking out the band holding it, she gave the curls a quick finger comb before deeming herself presentable.

When the elevator lurched to a stop she followed Satoka and Nora up a flight of stairs and towards a set of large doors.

Nora opened the doors and gestured for them to enter. Clarke wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it certainly hadn’t been what she saw.

The library was actually quite big. Bookshelves lined two of the walls and a huge fireplace dominated the third. Chairs and couches were clustered around the fireplace and two long tables were placed under the windows by the fourth wall.

Clarke nearly tripped over her feet when she caught sight of the books. There were so many, much more than the Ark had ever had. She ached to go look through the titles and read each page until she’d read every book in the space.

“This way.” Nora said, nudging her arm. She cast one more look at the books before following the two leaders off to the table furthest to the fire.

Once they were settled Thalia tugged at her sleeve. “Lexa’s here.” She said quietly. “You should talk to her after the meeting.”

Clarke looked around in surprise. She hadn’t really taken much interest in the people already seated at the fire but now that she looked she recognized Lexa, Anya, Octavia, Monty, and Raven.

She frowned. “Where’s Jasper.” She murmured to herself.

Thalia looked over as well and her eyebrows lowered. “I’m sure he’s in his room or with Kane. He’s not that stupid enough to go wandering out without a guard or with the group.”

“Oh I know that.” Clarke said absentmindedly. “But he does them anyways and that’s what I’m worried about.”

Thalia suddenly looked a lot more worried.

Clarke sighed and took her hand, squeezing it. “I’ll talk to him later tonight alright? I’m not going to put it off anymore.”

“Thanks.”

They turned back to the table. Satoka was spreading out pages of parchment and Nora was hovering over her shoulder asking the occasional quiet question.

Joining them Clarke glanced at Nora, wondering if she knew about the alliance. Probably considering her friendliness.

Satoka cleared her throat, getting her attention. “Nora knows about our alliance.” She said, confirming her suspicions. “You can trust her, _Podakru_ and _Azgeda_ have been allies for a long time.”

Clarke nodded and glanced at Nora, suddenly cautious. The older woman, while seemingly friendly earlier, now seemed much more serious. She edged closer to Thalia, instinctively trying to get her as close to her as possible. She still couldn’t get the way that the cut on her neck had looked, out of her head.

“We need to go over the inventories and see what each clan needs.” Satoka said. “The king especially wanted to find out what was low in our stores.” She withdrew a piece of parchment from her inner pocket and spread it out on the table.

Clarke looked over her shoulder and saw it was filled with different columns, each containing different items. She glanced at Thalia, both thinking the same thing. _Skaikru_ didn’t have anything close to that amount of supplies. She made a mental note to check in with Kane and her mother as soon as possible.

She sank onto the wooden bench beside the table and prepared herself for a long afternoon.

**Anya**

It had been a long time since Anya had seen Lexa like this. Usually her former second was calm and collected, no matter the circumstances. Now she watched as Lexa looked over at Clarke again, her face taut with concern and worry.

It was…amusing how much the sky girl had an effect on Lexa. Anya had only ever seen this amount of distraction winters ago with a quieter, softer girl from her own clan. Costia’s death, while tragic, had been key in shaping how Lexa had ruled. She’d become ruthless and deadly but still kind and sympathetic.

But it was gone again as soon as the blonde warrior had set foot in the tower. Anya watched as Lexa stared after her with longing and hope.

If she’d been anyone else she might have encouraged her to go take a break and sort it out. But she was not and besides Lexa wasn't just anyone she was _Heda_ , it didn’t matter what it was, she had to be vigilant constantly.

Anya put down her book and stood, purposely kneeing Lexa in the process. The young Commander turned and looked at her, surprised.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yes. Can I talk with you? Privately?”

Lexa looked perplexed. “Of course. Let’s go to my rooms.” She carefully marked the spot in her book before standing and smoothing out her clothes. Anya sighed as she saw her sneak another glance at Clarke.

She glared at Lexa who seemed to get the note to hurry up. It was only once they were out of the library and safely in Lexa’s room that she allowed herself to turn on her former student.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Lexa paused and gave her a careful look. “About what?”

“About Clarke Griffin. The girl you can’t seem to take your eyes off of whenever you’re in the same room as her.”

Lexa turned away from her. “Just get to the point Anya.” She said tersely, heading for the couch.

Anya followed her, determined to be heard.

“You have feelings for this _Skai gada_ when you know you should not. The entire coalition could be jeopardized if you do not clear your head and get it together.”

Lexa shook her head. “You sound exactly like Titus.” She mumbled.

“Because he is right.” Anya said, wincing slightly. She was not fond of the _fleimkepa_ , he seemed too slippery and untrustworthy. “This affection you have for Clarke will only put her in danger. You must stay away.”

Lexa looked away. “This is none of your business Anya.”

“Yes it is. You are the Commander and you’re acting like some love sick _goufa_.” She was getting dangerously close to overstepping but she needed Lexa to hear this. To understand. “Clarke is not the same girl that you left at the mountain. She’s changed, can’t you see that?”

There was no response and she felt her frustration rise. “You need to get over this nonsense Lexa. You’re only going to get hurt.”

Finally she got a response. Lexa rose to her feet and faced her. “You think this is just some sort of admiring love?” She said quietly, looking upset. “You think I can shake this off by staying away? I stayed away for two months and I still feel the exact same as before she left.

“It’s like when Costia was here. It’s this warmth in my chest that I can’t explain. I love her Anya and I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.”

Anya stared at her. This was a lot worse than she had thought. “You love her.” She said finally. “Just like with Costia.”

Lexa nodded and fidgeted with her hands. “I guess I do.” She looked at her. “What do I do _seda_?”

It was the use of her old title that jarred her the most. Clearing her throat she remembered Titus’s advice from a couple weeks ago.

“You stay away from her Lexa. That’s what will keep her safe. Remember what happened to Costia.”

Lexa’s eyes flashed. “I don’t forget.” She snapped and instantly Anya backed up. She’d overstepped.

“Sorry _Heda_.” She said quietly, making sure to use her title.

Lexa walked away from her, towards her bed. “I’ll see you later at dinner.” It was a clear dismissal and Anya left as quickly as she could. Once outside she scowled and turned in the direction of the elevator.

She needed to talk with Titus.

**Clarke**

When she finally got back to her room she was properly exhausted. Stripping off her cloak and long sleeved shirt she sank into the nearest chair and fumbled with her boots, pulling them off and letting them thud to the floor with a sigh of relief.

The meeting with Satoka and Nora had proved to be helpful. She’d observed the way they handled matters and went about getting what each wanted that was sure to come in handy with other leaders.

Dragging her hand over her face she sat up and started sifting through piles of paper on the table. Might as well get started on paperwork before dinner.

As she moved a pile she uncovered a small object wrapped in brown paper that certainly hadn’t been there the day before. Frowning she carefully unwrapped it to reveal a small glass jar of what looked like cream.

Unscrewing the lid she sniffed it. Definitely some sort of herbal concoction. Turning back to the wrappings she unearthed a note and almost immediately recognized the thin slanted handwriting.

_Clarke, this is for your burn. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. Lexa._

She sucked in a small breath as she looked back at the cream. With all that had happened she’d nearly forgotten about the burn on her arm.

She examined the area and noted that it was definitely still angry. Scooping up a small bit of cream she smeared it across her skin before screwing the lid back on.

All her attempts to stay away from Lexa (and even hate her) were instantly brushed away by the small act. She recalled what Thalia said and sighed. Leaning back in her chair she ran her fingers through the red streak in her hair and tried not to wince as a familiar aching pain came flashing through her temples.

As soon as she reached up to rub at her forehead though, someone knocked on the door and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Standing up, her eyes caught sight of the cream and her heartbeat sped up. If it was Lexa she could thank her and finally talk to her. She threw open the doors with a sad amount of enthusiasm.

Jasper stood there looking disgruntled. When he caught sight of her he scowled.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, surprised.

“Believe me I wouldn’t have come if Harper hadn’t forced me to. I suppose she learned that from you.”

She raised her eyebrows and stepped aside, gesturing to the room. “Please come inside I want to talk to you.”

He scoffed but nevertheless entered.

She closed the door and turned to him. “I want to know why you punched Octavia in the face.” She said bluntly.

He stiffened. “You wanted to interrogate me? Great. It’s clear you haven’t changed one bit since the mountain.”

Clarke brushed away the supposed insult. “That’s a lie and we both know it.” She said calmly. “But I need to know why you hit her. If you wanted to have punched me you could have walked right up to me and done it.”

Jasper looked away. “She was talking about things she shouldn’t have.”

It wasn’t that hard to piece it together. Octavia must have said something about the Mountain. Great.

“I’ll talk with her,” She said. “I’m sorry y-”

“You don’t get to say that!” All of a sudden Jasper seemed a lot less quiet. He looked at her with searing hatred. “You don’t get to say sorry when you lost nothing. You don’t deserve my forgiveness.”

“I know I don’t.” She said warily. “I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness.”

“You sure as hell don’t! Have you told Thalia yet that it was your fault for everything that happened to her.”

Clarke stiffened. “This isn’t about her.” She said stiffly.

“She deserves to know the truth. How Pike used her because of you!”

“That’s enough!” Clarke snapped, taking a step forwards. “You may not go after the people around me. I don’t care if you want to hurt me for what I’ve done but you may not hurt Thalia or Octavia or Lincoln.”

Jasper looked _furious_. “I hope you die a slow and painful death.” He spat. “Then you’ll understand how I felt when you killed her.” Before she could say something he was gone, slamming the door with enough force to make the glass rattle.

Clarke sank to the floor and put her head in her hands. That could have gone better. But for better or for worse Jasper’s wish had come true. She’d died some time ago at Pike’s hand, alone and afraid. What remained was just an empty shell that no one could save.

* * *

**Lexa**

Clarke came to dinner that night. It was to everyone’s surprise when she entered the room. Unsurprisingly it was the younger girl, Thalia who greeted her first. She approached her teacher while babbling away in a disorienting mix of Trigedasleng and English.

Lexa watched as Clarke gave her a small hug before approaching the table and scanning it for a seat.

“It’s nice to see you with us again.” She said when she caught her eye. “I hope you had a good lunch with the other leaders?”

The blonde nodded and beside her Anya sighed and took a rather aggressive bite of chicken.

Lexa kicked her foot under the table and returned to eating her fish. The cooks had really outdone themselves today and she was delighted to notice Clarke enthusiastically digging in and eating. 

She looked down the table at the other members of _Skaikru_. They were too busy wolfing down everything on their plates to really notice her and she frowned. Each of them, including Clarke, were thinner than she remembered. The way they ate had drawn her attention especially. It was almost like they were afraid it would be taken away and were trying to get as much as possible before it happened.

“So Lexa.” Kane started, getting her attention. “Thalia here mentioned the details of the festival. I think I can say it for all of us that we’re all very grateful for being allowed to participate in such an event.”

Down the table Clarke shot him an annoyed look.

“Of course. The festival is in _your_ honor after all. It’s only natural that you be allowed to celebrate with us.”

Clarke went from annoyed to startled quickly. “In our honor?” She asked uncertainly.

Lexa nodded. “Your leader is gone and a new one rises in his place. It is cause for celebration is it not?” She tried to smother the guilt at Pike’s escape.

“I guess so.”

She nodded and took another bite of food, idly reaching up to scratch the base of her neck. The spirits of the Commanders had been especially distant and agitated lately and she had no idea why. Even now when she wasn’t meditating or asleep she could hear their anxious whispers.

She would have asked Titus but he would probably tell her that they were advising against the idea of the thirteenth clan. Which she was sure they were not since they were very clear whenever advising her about _Skaikru_.

 _Don’t trust them. Don’t get close to them. Don’t let them live._ All of which Lexa had promptly ignored and made them the thirteenth clan, even falling in love with their leader during the process.

To say they were unhappy with her was a bit of an understatement. Still, there presence had remained there until now. Now she had the alarming sensation that they were fading.

She remained deep in thought for the rest of dinner, brushing off most questions directed at her. She was still staring at her last slice of bread when Anya tapped her shoulder. “ _Heda_? Everything alright?”

When she looked up she was surprised to see that almost everyone had left with only Kane and the blonde female guard that she couldn’t remember the name of, left.

“Er, yes, sorry I was just thinking.” She bit her lip, hesitating before turning to her. “Which way did Clarke go?”

Anya scowled. “Lexa what-”

“I asked you a question.” Lexa said coldly, exerting her power. There were times when she could allow Anya acting as her teacher but right now she was in charge.

“She went to her room, something about turning in early.” Anya said between gritted teeth.

“Thank you.” Lexa turned on her heel and strode from the room. She got right outside Clarke’s room before she realized that this was a terrible plan. Then again, any plan concocted in less than five minutes, full of split decisions and horrible ideas was bound to have its limits. Which was why she was already regretting ever deciding to go talk to Clarke.

Swallowing back her nerves, she straightened her posture, and the braids in her hair before approaching the door. Somewhere in the back of her mind it occurred to her that surprising Clarke when their last conversation had been yelling at each other was probably not the best idea.

By the time this thought occurred however her hand was already raising and knocking on the door.

For a moment there was nothing and she felt a mixture of relief and disappointment wash over her. Then the door swung open.

“Thalia, I told you I don’t want-” Clarke cut off abruptly when she saw her. Her eyes went wide and she sucked in a breath. “Commander? What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

“No,” she said carefully, “nothing is wrong at the moment.”

Clarke frowned and shifted uneasily. “Then why are you here?” She asked guardedly.

Lexa swallowed trying to dispel her nerves. “Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Calmer chapter after all the drama. Finally I got to describe a bit of Polis. I also wrote the end of this at 3 in the morning so if there are any huge mistakes or if its confusing, sorry.   
> Oso tai choda op kom jus - We bind ourselves in blood  
> skai gada - sky girl  
> goufa - child


	6. Infinity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa receives a vision and talks with Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: mild blood description

**Lexa**

For a moment Clarke just stood there staring at her. Then she stepped aside gesturing to her room.

“Come in. I need to talk to you too.”

Lexa entered the room a little hesitantly. It was dark inside, the only light source being the fire and it was also slightly colder than she would have expected. Even through her thick coat she couldn’t suppress a small shiver.

Behind her, Clarke closed the door and brushed by her, clearing the papers off the couch and shoving them onto a nearby table.

“Here, sit down.”

Lexa sat. Even though she knew she had the most authority here she felt strangely powerless under Clarke’s gaze. There was something in the blonde’s vivid blue eyes that made her feel small and insignificant like when she was still a child haunted by nightmares.

The spirits of the Commanders stirred as Clarke took a seat across from her. _Don’t trust her._ The warning was startling clear compared to the last couple of days. _Get away._ She ignored their voices, annoyed.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” Clarke asked, crossing her legs.

“I…” She faltered slightly as the words suddenly seemed too harsh. She would need to apologize carefully or else they would probably just end up arguing again. “I came to apologize for lashing out at you yesterday. I was tired and angry and I had absolutely no right to take my frustrations out on you.”

Clarke blinked. Clearly whatever she had expected her to say, this was not it. “What?”

She shifted again before clasping her hands in her lap. “I want you to know that I do not blame you for what happened while you were gone. That is on me and me alone. I would understand if you are still mad at me, you have every right to be. I acted inappropriately and unfairly towards you and your people.”

“Yeah.” Clarke’s expression hardened. “You did.”

They sat in an awkward silence, each not wanting to be the one to speak first. Lexa considered leaving, she had said all she needed to say and it was really up to the other woman if she was forgiven or not.

But right when she started to stand up Clarke spoke.

“I used the cream for my burn by the way. It really helped, thank you.” It was probably the closest thing to giving forgiveness that Lexa was going to get. She didn’t mind. As long as they weren’t fighting she would be alright.

“You’re welcome.” Realizing that their conversation was basically over she cast around desperately for something to comment on. As it was, her eyes caught on a sword placed carefully in a sheath on an empty chair.

“Is that yours?” She asked quickly, gesturing.

Clarke turned, looking surprised. “No, that’s Thalia’s. It should be with her though, especially with what happened last night.”

Although the comment was made with a frown there was an obvious gentleness in Clarke’s tone that made Lexa’s heart ache.

“She seemed quite capable for only sixteen years.” She offered. “She certainly has the potential to become a great leader.”

Clarke’s proud smile made her heart immediately do some kind of dance up into her throat.

“I’d like to talk about her actually.” She said before she did something stupid. “I trust that she’s told you about what happened last night?”

Clarke scowled and nodded. “She has. She told me very firmly that I needed to talk to you about a plan to make sure this never happens again.”

Lexa let out a silent sigh of relief. “She was right. I doubt that she would still be here with us if I had not shown up. They had her pinned.”

Clarke stiffened and her eyes darkened. “Then I am very glad that you were there.” She said. “What I’d like to know though, is who it was and which clan they came from.”

“My guards are looking.” Lexa promised. “They are questioning the guards outside the tower and the staff, as well as the civilians closest to the tower exits. Anyone who left will have had to be seen and sooner or later they will be identified.” It wasn’t what the blonde wanted to hear she knew, but it was better than nothing.

Clarke nodded and drummed her fingers against the arm of her chair, thinking. “I think,” she started, “that I would like to-”

Whatever it was that Clarke had wanted, Lexa didn’t hear. An odd feeling came over her, similar to if she had plunged into a lake. Goosebumps rose along her arms and everything became muted and foggy.

She surged to her feet, panting. She knew exactly what was happening yet she still felt the exact same surge of panic as breathing became harder and she shivered fiercely.

Suddenly the ground dropped out from beneath her and the room went dark. She landed on her side, slamming her cheek onto a cold stone floor. Wincing, she pushed herself up onto her elbows.

“Hello?” She called out. Looking up, she gave a start of surprise. She wasn’t in Clarke’s room anymore. Instead she was in her throne room. Sitting up she looked around, shivering. The candles had all gone out and the windows were shattered, allowing the moonlight to shine in.

She stood up, looking around in confusion. Was this what the Commanders wanted to show her? Her throne room?

“ _Leksa kom Trikru_.” A voice behind her made her spin around. There was a man standing behind her, his hair neatly braided back and a familiar circular symbol on his forehead.

“Kemji kom Trishanakru.” Lexa instantly sank to her knee and bowed her head. “Why have you brought me here?”

Kemji frowned at her. “ _Your relationship with Skaikru is starting to get out hand_.” He said slowly.

Her eyes flashed and she straightened up. “With all due respect, I disagree.” She spun away from him and looked around the room curiously. “Why have you brought me here?”

Kemji sighed and moved to her side. “ _We have tried to tell you Leksa_.” He said solemnly. “ _Consider this your last warning_.”

Lexa turned to him but he had already disappeared. She frowned and rubbed her arms, still cold. This wasn’t the first vision that the spirits of the Commanders had sent her but they had never spoken to her beforehand.

She turned back to the throne and stopped. There was someone sitting on it. She frowned and took a step forwards, squinting. “Hala?” The former Commander was prone to popping up into her dreams and visions often and out of all the spirits she was one of the most helpful.

There was no response and she hesitated. Then the figure moved and she caught a glimpse of red hair.

“Isabel?” She almost never saw her — the Ice Commander — but maybe she had a message?

She took a tentative step forwards onto the first stone step, straining to see anything beyond a faint outline.

The person moved their hand into the moonlight and she caught a glimpse of what looked like a long zig zag slashed across the back of their hand.

Suddenly there was a sharp pain on her own hand and she gasped, eyes snapping open to find herself in Clarke’s room once more.

Clarke was kneeling beside her looking alarmed. “Are you okay?” She asked worriedly. “You just collapsed.”

Lexa blinked hard, trying to throw off the effects of the vision. Her stomach was churning and she felt vaguely like she had just been spun around in circles and told to walk in a straight line.

“Here.” Clarke nudged something into her hands. A water glass. “Drink this.”

Completely forgetting all the warnings that Titus and Anya had drilled into her, she raised the glass to her lips and took a small sip. Clarke frowned but concentrated on remaining at her side. “Are you feeling okay? You hit your head pretty hard going down.”

Lexa raised her hand and felt the bruise already on her cheek. It was only then that she realized the full weight of what had just happened. Twisting around she looked at Clarke who was still watching her with a mixture of wariness and concern.

“What exactly did I say?” She asked quietly.

Clarke shrugged. “Um, something about a warning and then you said a few names. Someone called Hala and Isabel? Not exactly sure who they are but you sounded like they were in danger.” She bit her lip and gestured to her cheek. “May I?”

Lexa nodded, her stomach turning somersaults even as she exhaled in relief. It was worse enough that she suddenly collapsed on the floor of Clarke’s room, she was immensely glad she hadn’t just revealed exactly what the Commanders thought of Clarke’s clan.

“Hala and Isabel are former Commanders.” She said as Clarke gently examined the side of her face. “I thought that they might have been trying to speak to me.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Wait, former commanders? Did they send you a message? Was that what you meant by warning.” She put two and two together fast and her shoulders slumped. “They think that Skaikru is endangering both the coalition and your life don’t they?”

Lexa was rather impressed. “Yes. But I told them that I didn’t care about their warning. My life has always been in danger regardless of their warnings.”

Clarke let out a troubled sigh and her fingers stopped probing her cheek. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly, staring hard at the side of her face. “That I left without saying goodbye. I hope you can understand that I never meant to hurt you.”

Lexa’s heart cracked and she reached up and took hold of Clarke’s fingers. The blonde jumped but didn’t pull away, instead she finally met Lexa’s eyes. “I know.” She whispered. “You were doing what was best for your people.” She tightened her grip on Clarke’s hand. “I never blamed you for leaving it’s what I would’ve done.”

Something that looked like hope entered Clarke’s eyes. “Thank you.” She said quietly.

Lexa nodded, unable to look away from those brilliant blue eyes. They had already been close enough to start, what with Clarke examining her, but Lexa turned her head fully, her face inches away from Clarke’s.

There was a longing in her that scared her. She wanted to take Clarke far far away from her clan, somewhere she would be safe with no threats hanging over her head. She wanted to fix her and make sure she was happy. 

But instead she just pulled away and started trying to get up. Clarke remained frozen for a moment before getting to her feet. “You should probably go get checked by another healer, you did hit your head pretty hard and I can’t be sure there’s not any damage. We can save our conversation til the morning I’m sure.”

Her abrupt dismissal stung. Still, she nodded and was just about to place the glass on the table when she heard a faint scratching noise outside the door. Instantly she looked up making eye contact with Clarke who had clearly heard it as well.

Clarke stealthily crossed the room before yanking open the door and going out into the hallway.

“See anything?” Lexa called after a minute, trying not to sound too concerned.

“No. Must have been a mouse or a guard or something.” Clarke sighed and reentered the room. She closed the doors tightly and returned to the couch, although this time she was considerably more tense than before. In the flickering light of the fire the shadows under her eyes seemed even more pronounced than before.

“I should probably go now.” Lexa said, putting down the cup with a little more force than necessary. Clarke was tired, and she had no right to force her to stay awake, simply for her own interests.

“Right.” The young leader straightened up and gave her a respectful nod of her head. “ _Reshop Heda_.”

Lexa couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Good night Chancellor.” She said softly. Moving to the door she couldn’t resist one glance back. Clarke was still standing facing the fire, back to her, head tilted slightly to the side as if she was thinking.

She frowned, there was something on the back of Clarke’s neck. Taking a step away from the door she squinted until it came into view. Her eyes widened and she felt genuine fear go down her spine.

She must have made some sort of noise because Clarke looked up. “Lexa? Is everything okay? Is it another vision?”

“No, sorry, I think I’m just tired.” Forcing herself to smile she opened the door and left, barely noticing where she was going. Somehow she ended up outside her bedroom door and she turned to a guard, forcing herself to remember Clarke’s instructions.

“Could you send for a healer?” She asked. The guard nodded and instantly took off. She entered her room, still shaken.

It was dark inside but she barely noticed it, heading straight for the bathroom. On one wall was a large ornate mirror, cracked and faded in spots but still clear enough for her to use.

With shaking fingers, she lit a lantern, placing it on the edge of the countertop so its light shone onto the mirror. After a couple more seconds she gave in and lit a few more candles around the bathroom, giving the room a warmer glow.

Only then did she start to undo the ties holding her overcoat onto her body. Shrugging out of the comfortable garment she laid it carefully to the side, leaving her in only pants and a thin tank top.

Shivering, she picked up a shard of broken mirror serving as a smaller mirror, from the tray beside the lantern, careful to keep her fingers away from the sharp edge. She reached up and drew her hair away from her neck, holding up the smaller glass behind her so the back of her neck would be reflected onto the big mirror.

She tilted her head slightly, studying the infinity symbol inked into her skin. It looked exactly the same as it had when she’d last caught sight of it a couple days ago. Still, she examined it carefully, studying every inch and curve of it.

When at last she was satisfied she set down the fragment of glass and stared at herself in the big mirror, thinking. She had definitely seen something on the back of Clarke’s neck. While there were many explanations like exhaustion, the light, or even her own imagination still strong after her vision she had sworn she had seen the exact same infinity symbol on Clarke’s neck.

But what had scared her the most was that for a second, she had caught sight of what looked like a scar running down the middle of the tattoo. A scar right where the Flame was placed when a new Commander rose.

A knock on the door made her jump and she nearly sliced her thumb on the glass. By the time the healer had confirmed that she was alright and a different guard had rebuilt the fire she was still second guessing herself.

Climbing into her bed she stared at the ceiling, reaching out for the Flame and the spirits it held. But when she tried to silence her mind and call to the others, there was nothing. Her mind was as quiet as it had ever been. Rolling onto her side she tucked her hand under her cheek and closed her eyes.

Sometime, many hours later she fell asleep, still thinking about the infinity.

* * *

**Clarke**

Over the next couple of days Clarke began to develop a sort of schedule. Each morning she would wake up before dawn and slip out to go train. Sometimes Lyra and Thalia would join her, but more often than not she was the only one there.

After that she would head back to the tower to grab some breakfast. Sometimes she would stay for a little bit to chat with the others but mostly she just grabbed food and left.

From breakfast til mid afternoon she met with the other ambassadors and/or leaders of the clans. Much to her relief she had managed to sway some of the clans her way and she felt more comfortable knowing that a larger majority of them didn’t hate her as much as they originally did.

After lunch out in the markets she would meet up with Octavia or Lincoln and devote their time to training with Thalia. Usually they spent all the way up until dinnertime at the training grounds and it was only once Clarke had bolted down a fast dinner that she left to go to the library and start in on her paperwork. From there, she worked until she got too tired during which she promptly dragged herself back to her room and fell asleep.

It probably wasn’t the healthiest of schedules and she was well aware that she was avoiding the Commander again but she couldn’t help it. Something had changed between them and although she knew that Lexa probably wouldn’t fly into a rage and punish her she was still wary.

Which was why she was trying to avoid her as much as possible. It didn’t work of course.

“Keep your arm up, you’re leaving yourself open to an easy attack.”

Thalia threw her an exasperated look. “If you keep talking to me I’m not going to have time to attack.”

“Hey.” Octavia nudged her with the hilt of her sword. “She’s trying to teach you so she doesn’t have to talk.”

Clarke sighed and held up her own sword, gesturing for Octavia to move to the side. Taking her spot in front of Thalia she raised an eyebrow. “Let’s see how much you’ve progressed.”

She waited until Octavia had backed away before slowly circling her. The usual thrill of excitement ran through her when she spotted Thalia starting to tense her arm (she’d have to work on getting rid of that later), and she moved before the other girl could.

With startling efficiency she rained a few blows down on her second, forcing her to parry fast. Taking advantage of her unsteadiness, Clarke tripped her and sent her sprawling. When Thalia pushed herself up off the ground she was met with a blade at her throat.

“Yield?” Clarke asked.

Thalia nodded and sank back onto the ground, closing her eyes. “I’ll never be able to fight you.” She sighed.

Clarke shared a look with Octavia. “Just because you’re not as good doesn’t mean you won’t eventually be better than me.” She helped Thalia to her feet and looked her over for injuries. “You all right?”

“Yup.” Thalia glanced behind her and her eyes went wide. “Um, you haven’t by chance invited Lexa here have you?” She asked quietly.

Clarke gave her a startled look before turning around. At the top of the steps was none other than Lexa herself. Anya was by her side as usual, looking severely uncomfortable in the cold weather. But what was surprising was the group of what looked like children clustered by them. The Nightbloods. 

She stared at them for a moment before turning to Thalia. “Continue with Octavia. Let’s see if you can get that side thrust down by the end of the day.” She sheathed her sword and moved off to the side, eyeing everything that Thalia was doing and ignoring the new arrivals.

Octavia raised her sword and she and Thalia faced off. Clarke studied them both, noting everything from the way they held their swords to their footing. Thalia's arm tensed again and Octavia went straight for her in an instant. The two traded blows with Octavia barely escaping Thalia’s blade.

Clarke ran her hands through her hair as she watched, shifting so her weight was on her good leg. Lately the wound had started to flare up and try as she might, she knew her limp had come back. 

Dull pain pulsed through her temples and she shook her head, trying to remain focused on the fight. So far it looked like Thalia had backed Octavia into a corner of sorts. But Clarke knew Octavia's fighting style well and it was most likely a trick to catch her second unawares.

Another pulse of pain throbbed through her head. She started circling the two, hoping to clear her head with some movement. It worked somewhat, but it also caught Thalia’s attention and she looked up in surprise.

Clarke winced as Octavia punched her in the jaw and she reeled back in surprise, falling onto her back.

“Enough.” She called, heading for them. Kneeling on the ground, she checked Thalia’s jaw before straightening. “Good job Octavia. Thalia, you need to be aware of _all_ of your surroundings. In a fight you would have been dead.”

Thalia nodded wordlessly and Clarke knew she was feeling defeated.

“Go find Lincoln.” She urged. “He and Kane wanted you to speak to Abby.”

“Alright.” The girl got to her feet and was about to walk away when she hesitated. Glancing at where Lexa was hovering near the edge of the field she rushed back and threw her arms around Clarke, squeezing tightly.

“Be safe.” She whispered and then she was stepping back and hurrying for the bench.

“That was odd.” Octavia commented. “She doesn’t normally do that does she?”

Clarke let out a long sigh and unsheathed her sword, inspecting the blade. “She’s scared. I’ve been working with her about her memories of the barricade. She doesn’t even realize it but she’s been suppressing a large amount of them and actually realizing what happened can be a bit jarring.”

**Two days ago**

She burst into Thalia’s room right as the sun was rising.

“Time to get up sleepyhead.” She announced, ripping the covers off the bed and throwing them on the floor.

“What the hell?” Thalia squinted up at her, still groggy from sleep. “What time is it?”

“No idea now lets go. You said you wanted to train more and that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

Thalia sat up, suddenly looking a lot more awake than before. “Alright then. Let me get dressed though.”

Clarke sat on the edge of her bed and watched impatiently as Thalia made herself presentable for the day. There was a buzz of energy going through her veins and she felt like she could sprint to the city limits and back without breaking a sweat.

“So where are we going to go for mind training?” Thalia asked, tugging on her boot.

Clarke glanced out the window, fidgeting with her red hair. “Out in the woods. I’ve already gotten Selene and Eos saddled and bridled so they’re ready whenever we are.”

“The woods?” Thalia grabbed her jacket (actually one of Clarke’s old ones that she outgrew). “Isn’t that a little extreme?”

She shrugged. “In the city there’s all this noise and commotion. You said it yourself, you wanted to be able to overcome your demons and for that I want to start you off in a nice peaceful environment.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Thalia glanced at her. “Did you speak to Jasper or Lexa last night? I thought you wanted to talk later but you went to bed surprisingly early.”

At the mention of Jasper, some of her excitement started to die away. “If by talk you mean we tried to be civilized but ultimately failed because we both hate me than yes we talked. And as for Lexa…” she hesitated, “we talked a little bit.” For some reason she felt odd sharing the details of Lexa’s vision with Thalia. It was private to Lexa whom she chose to share her visions with. Clarke had just happened to be a clueless bystander when it occurred.

“That’s good. Did she offer to help you?”

Clarke squirmed, knowing exactly what was going to happen. “Yes…”

“I told you you could trust her! There was no need to make that deal with Azgeda in the first place see?”

Seeing that Thalia was done getting ready, Clarke got to her feet. “I would have made that deal anyways.” She said mildly. They headed down the hallway towards the floor where the elevator stopped.

Turning to her second she saw her topsy turvy ponytail she’d slept in and sighed in exasperation. Beckoning her forwards, she eased out the band and started braiding her hair back.

“You really should learn how to braid your own hair.”

Thalia made a scoffing noise. “I do know how to braid my own hair. You just have a freakishly good talent for braiding hair. I mean you didn’t even know how to get started when I met you. Even I knew that you had to separate three chunks and then loop them around and around and around. You knew nothing.”

“Mmhmm.” The elevator arrived to the floor with a loud clatter and Clarke was relieved to see that no one else was there.

Herding her in, she continued to carefully braid her hair til she was satisfied with the result. “See? Much better and this way it’ll hold longer.”

Thalia rolled her eyes and gave her hair a pointed look. “I don’t see your hair in a braid.”

Clarke tried not to laugh. “What is that supposed to mean? I’m going to put it back before we do any physical training.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.”

Selene was very happy to see them by the time they finally made it out of the tower. She pushed her nose right into Clarke’s face, before sniffing around Thalia’s jacket for a minute. Eos just closed his eyes and tried to sneak in a quick nap.

Unfortunately Clarke was not in the mood to just wait around. She took hold of the reigns and after making sure that Thalia was close by her side, took off down the streets of Polis.

To others the twists and turns might have been confusing and disorienting but Clarke was confident enough about her memory that she didn’t stop once to ask for directions. She was rather impressed when they emerged out of a row of houses to find themselves right where she wanted by the east entrance.

The guards didn’t even pay them a second glance as she power walked through the gate and into the forest. Quickly sticking her foot into the stirrup she mounted and waited for Thalia to catch up.

“Okay.” The girl puffed when she finally came into view, holding a disgruntled Eos’s reigns. “That was impressive. How’d you even know where to go? Didn’t we come in through the west entrance?”

Clarke nodded. “I’ve been here before remember? I’ve gone through at least three of the entrances.” The lie slipped easily off her tongue and she felt a twinge of guilt as Thalia nodded buying it.

But when she turned Selene to the forest and took in the sight of the trees and the thick white covering of snow she felt nothing but peace. This was where she belonged, she was sure of it.

Guiding her horse through the thick drifts she searched for a place to stop. Some fifteen minutes later and she found it when they emerged from the trees beside a large frozen lake.

“Alright here we are.” She slid out of the saddle and dropped the reigns on the ground. Selene gave her one last nudge her with her nose before wandering off. Beside her, Thalia dismounted a little more cautiously.

“This is where we’re going to do it?” She asked, looking around.

“Yup.” Clarke found a half frozen log and sat down, gesturing for Thalia to do the same. Once her second was sitting comfortably beside her she turned to her.

“I want you to close your eyes and try and let go of everything on your mind.” She watched as Thalia obediently closed her eyes. “Good. Now, I want you to concentrate on the little things, like the snow, or the trees. Don’t think about anything else except the little things.”

Thalia frowned slightly but tilted her head slightly and after a moment her face smoothed over.

Clarke gave her a minute to just sit there and relax her mind. Eventually she reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Now I want you to think of your worst memory and I want you to concentrate on just that.”

She watched a little anxiously as Thalia shifted slightly, but kept her eyes closed.

“Now tell me what you see.”

“I…I see trees and rain. It’s cold. Octavia is beside me and she’s doing something with her hands, but I can’t see what.”

“Good,” she encouraged, “now what do you hear?”

“Um, I hear someone crying. They’re in pain. And I hear Octavia, she’s yelling.”

Clarke knew exactly what memory she was thinking of. “Alright, now what do you feel?”

“The ground underneath me. The rain, it’s soaking through my jacket. And I feel something else. Blood. Someone’s hurt.” Thalia was starting to frown a little harder as she struggled to not push away the memory.

“You’re doing great.” Clarke said softly, taking her hand away. “Now look at the person on the ground, who’s hurt? What do they look like?”

Thalia squirmed. “They’re, umm, a female. There’s a jacket and they’re a bit on the shorter side.” She frowned harder. “Their face is really pale and their hair is, ummm, it’s-” She opened her eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.” Clarke said calmly. “You’re sorting through each memory and finding out what’s real. You’re seeing the truth about what happened instead of locking it away and never confronting your demons.”

“I’d rather slay my demons.” Thalia mumbled. Clarke’s hands clenched as she remembered thin blonde braids and a young face streaked with tears and dirt. Charlotte. How she wished she had been smart enough to help her the way that she needed to be helped.

“Do you think you can try again?” She asked quietly.

Thalia shuddered but closed her eyes and returned to her memory.

“Their eyes are open.” She whispered. “They’re b-blue. And they’re looking at me but I can’t hear what they’re saying.” Her shoulders slumped and she opened her eyes again looking at her mentor. “Their hair is red and blonde.”

Clarke nodded soberly and waited for her to speak.

“It was you wasn’t it? In the forest with Octavia?”

“Yes.” Clarke looked out at the frozen lake. “That day I told you to not be afraid. That we would meet again.” She reached up to her forehead and ran her fingers across the small scar just within her hairline. “I was dying in that memory Thalia.”

Thalia flinched. “But you got better. You didn’t die.”

“That’s not the point. We lose the people we love before we want to. It’s a lesson I never wanted to teach you but you have to learn it. Being my second means that when I die, you will take over and I won’t be there to help you.”

Thalia scowled and Clarke felt an unexpected surge of frustration. “You’re blocking your memories of me because they’re painful but you need to understand what pain is. Its loss and its heartbreak and it can tear you apart if you let it. I have to make sure that before I die you understand exactly how to deal with this.”

Thalia let out a shaky breath before closing the distance between them and giving her a fierce hug. “I don’t want you to die.” She said quietly.

Clarke wrapped her arms around her tightly. “I know _strikon_. I don’t want to leave you either.” A fierce headache made itself known and she winced, her grip tightening. Releasing Thalia, she looked her in the eyes and gestured back to the log.

“Let’s continue.”

**Present day**

**Anya**

“Are you absolutely sure?”

Lexa gave a long sigh and threw her an annoyed glance. “I’m trying to do something here if you couldn’t tell.”

Anya raised an eyebrow and looked at her skeptically. “Look at them Heda, you really think you’re teaching them anything?” She gestured to the Nightbloods who looked far more interested in inspecting the area than fighting. To be fair, Lexa hadn’t really given them any instructions yet.

“I was going to start as soon as I-”

“Stopped staring at Clarke Griffin yes I noticed.” Anya couldn’t keep her annoyance hidden for too long. “This is exactly what happens when you get too involved Lexa. Things go wrong and then you’re in the mess as well.”

Lexa looked troubled. “I know what I saw.” She said quietly. “It was right there.”

“But do you? You said it yourself you couldn’t be sure if it was an after effect of the vision.” Anya glanced over her shoulder at Clarke and Octavia. “We still don’t even know if she has a tattoo there which let me remind you is strictly forbidden among the clans. Does Clarke even know what she’s done?” A thought occurred to her and she looked up, eyes narrowed. “Did you tell her to do this?”

Lexa looked scandalized. “No!” Some of the Nightbloods looked over and she lowered her voice. “No. Of course not. I don’t think she’s even seen the tattoo on my own neck.”

Anya took a deep breath, struggling to remain calm. “I’m going to go ahead and say that she probably doesn’t know the laws about the symbol either.” She felt a surge of worry go through her. “If there was really an infinity there she could be killed for that.”

Lexa’s jaw tightened. “She won’t die. I will make sure of that.”

A clash behind them made them look over in surprise and Anya felt her eyes widen when she saw Clarke and Octavia, swords locked as each struggled to gain the upper hand.

As they watched, Clarke brought her hand down onto Octavia’s blade, sending it flying down. In the moment that the warrior was caught unawares Clarke punched her straight in the jaw. Octavia stumbled sideways desperately trying to regain her balance as Clarke continued to bear down on her.

Anya watched in shock as Clarke batted away the next two blows like they were nothing. The blonde twisted and swung the blade right at Octavia’s exposed side. She stopped the swords movement a mere inch from her skin and she couldn’t help but be impressed. The amount of wrist strength needed for movement like that was a lot and she was frankly surprised that the Sky girl was even strong enough.

Aden appeared at her side, watching the two woman. A quick glance around confirmed that the rest of the Nightbloods were also watching.

Clarke said something that made Octavia nod and then she clasped her hand, helping her right herself. Before Anya could even warn everyone to look away the both of them looked over and caught sight of the Nightbloods, Anya, and Lexa staring right at them.

At once Clarke flushed and spun away, sheathing her sword as she walked straight for her pile of things on one of the stone steps.

Octavia simply raised her eyebrow. “Is there something that you wanted?” She called, scowling.

Anya shrugged and turned away leaving Lexa on her own. Motioning to the Nightbloods she gestured to their swords. “Split into pairs and start working on yesterday’s training. Don’t let me catch any of you slacking!”

**Clarke**

She could hear Octavia talking to someone behind her. Frankly, she was more interested in gathering up her small pile of things and leaving. Tightening the sheath around her shoulder she bunched up her outer shirt and cloak as well and slipped her bracelet over her wrist.

Approaching Octavia again she gave her a small nod. “I’ll see you later. If you see Lincoln could you tell him I need to talk with him.”

Octavia nodded and she started walking away.

“ _Wanheda_.” Lexa’s voice wasn’t loud but there was a definite edge in it. Add to that the fact that she’d just called her by her ‘title’ which she knew that Clarke hated was enough to make her stop in her tracks.

“Yes?” She asked coldly, turning on her heel. Instinctively she tensed up, measuring the distance between Octavia and Lexa. Her heart rate was already quickening and she fought to keep her hands steady.

“Can I talk to you.” Lexa said calmly. The edge was gone but it was definitely not a question.

“What do you want?” She asked roughly, taking a step closer to Octavia.

“Care to fight me?”

It was asked so nonchalantly that it took her a couple seconds to register what it was that she’d just said. Then her jaw dropped and she took a step back.

“What?!” Anya and Octavia wore twin looks of shock and Clarke might have laughed if it were about something else. Instead she just stood there trying to process what happened. Any thought of protest immediately vanished when she remembered who exactly it was that she was talking to.

“Sure.”

Lexa nodded and drew her sword (Clarke hadn’t even noticed that she’d had it on), gesturing for the center ground. It was with some hesitance that she set down her stuff and redrew her sword. Approaching her new opponent she eyed her curiously.

Lexa wasn’t wearing her usual Commander’s garb. Her outfit looked similar to what she’d been wearing when the two had been attacked by the _pauna_. The small circular symbol was still on her forehead but the usual serious air about her was gone.

Clarke let out a shaky breath as the two started to circle each other. It wasn’t that she thought she’d get hurt, it was the complete opposite. Octavia, Lincoln, and Thalia knew when to stop or back off and she was already worrying that she’d hurt Lexa.

Some of her worry must have shown through because the smallest smirk had appeared on Lexa’s face. “Don’t worry about hurting me.” She said quietly. “I just want to see what kind of fighter you are.”

Clarke nodded and swung her sword experimentally, getting a feel for how her wrist and arm was feeling. After assessing she reset her eyes on Lexa and started tightening her circle inwards, pacing closer and closer to the brunette.

Surprisingly it was Lexa who attacked first. She lunged forwards, aiming a blow at her legs that should have made her back up. But it was Clarke she was fighting, and she was more interested in the fights than the potential injury.

She spun on her heel while at the same time raising her sword and blocking the blow. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.” Clarke said quietly. Stepping back, she resumed her stance and tilted her head. “I know my way around a sword.”

She attacked.

Her eyes narrowed in concentration as she delivered each blow. Lexa on her part, swept most of them aside, even snaking out a few blows at her. Clarke either deflected them or took the hit.

Out of the corner of her eye she registered that the Nightbloods had abandoned the rest of their training in order to watch their Commander and the Commander of Death fight.

The flat of Lexa’s sword slammed into her side and she gritted her teeth, backing up. As she did, a clod of frozen dirt made her stumble and she was forced to back up even further as Lexa tried to take advantage of the opening.

“No. You. Don’t.” She grunted stepping forwards. Sweat was dripping down her forehead and she was panting but she kept fighting. Feinting to the right she slashed at Lexa’s arm only to switch directions and slash upwards across her chest.

Lexa was forced to do a quick half step to the side, barely managing to parry the next swipe at her shoulder.

Clarke took a step forwards onto her leg which wobbled and immediately she was backing up, rapidly putting space between herself and the Commander.

Lexa looked a little confused as the onslaught ceased but her expression turned to one of worry when she saw Clarke’s limp. Her sword started to drop down and she glanced at Octavia who was biting her lip.

Clarke watched her, trying to regain her breath and her composure. After twenty seconds she was able to put weight on her leg again and she went straight back to fighting.

“Clarke.” Lexa said, when she swiped at her thigh. “Clarke you’re hurt.”

“Just fight me.” She hissed, spinning to one side. She found herself slipping into what Thalia jokingly called the ‘Blake Mode’. Her attacks became more and more erratic as she gave the fight her all.

Lexa was starting to breathe harder and she was starting to hold back. “You need to stop.” She warned, narrowly dodging Clarke’s sword. “You’re hurt.” She backed up, with the intention to yield but promptly tripped over a chunk of frozen earth and ice.

Clarke saw her wobble and immediately tried to pull back. But the momentum was too much and she stumbled, crashing into Lexa with enough force to send them both to the ground.

As they fell she twisted, trying to avoid accidentally running Lexa through. The result was her head slamming into the ground with enough force to make her see stars and have the breath driven out of her.

“Clarke!” Octavia cried in alarm.

Clarke blinked, trying to restore her vision. She became faintly aware of someone rolling her over and then hands were shaking her and a face was above hers.

“Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed. “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

She blinked again, staring up at the sky as her body tried to remember how to breathe. There was something sharp in her hand and her arm was twisted at an odd angle. She closed her eyes concentrating. She was laying on the ground and she could feel the grass beneath her fingers.

“Clarke!” Lexa sounded panicked.

Lexa…

She sat bolt upright, gasping and choking. Her hands flew to her throat and she coughed violently.

“Are you okay?!” Octavia appeared at her side, looking scared. “Did you hit your head? Can I touch you?”

Clarke nodded. She looked at Lexa who looked worried, scared, and angry all at the same time. “Deja vu.” She said breathlessly, thinking of when she’d been the one trying to revive her.

Lexa’s lips tugged upwards slightly. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Mmhm.” It wasn’t a lie, she was feeling much more like herself. She leaned into Octavia’s touch, exhausted. When she got back to the tower she was going straight to her room, dinner be damned.

Of course that meant she had to actually get to the tower first.

“Can you stand?” Octavia asked her.

“Umm, maybe.” Clarke sat up straighter, finally letting go of the blade of her sword. As she started to drag herself upright Anya appeared at Lexa’s side looking worried.

Clarke swayed slightly but kept to her feet, even managing a few shaky steps. Twisting her fingers through her hair she swallowed thickly and turned to Octavia. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Octavia nodded, looking relieved. “Good.”

Clarke nodded again before sweeping her hair over her shoulder and looking around. The Nightbloods looked like they were still processing what had happened (truth be told so was she) and Lexa looked upset.

“Are you okay?” She asked her, trying to distract her.

The Commander shook her head and blinked before seeming to pull herself back together. “I think I should be asking you that question since you were the one that hit your head.”

“Good point.” She patted her shoulder and frowned, looking for her sword. Spotting it, she picked it up and noted with relief that it had neither gotten broken nor was there any trace of blood on it. Brushing off the specks of dirt she carefully placed it in her sheath before turning to Anya and Lexa.

“With all due respect I should probably start getting back to the tower. I’ll see you later.”

Much to her surprise neither woman argued with her and she allowed Octavia to carefully start helping her back to the tower. By the time they reached the elevator, her legs were still wobbly and she was a lot more tired.

Octavia didn’t protest when she shook her off at her bedroom door. She wished her a good night and disappeared down the hall, probably to go update Lincoln and find Thalia.

Clarke went straight for her bed. Not even bothering to wash off the sweat and dirt covering her body she just dropped onto the mattress and wrapped the furs around her before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

_The girl was anxious. It had been too long and her mother was starting to lose strength._

_Even as thought that, the woman on the bed let out an agonized cry and her back arched as she struggled. The girl hurried to hold her hand and wipe off the sweat on her forehead._

_“Not much longer,” she promised, “you’re almost there.”_

_Her mother whimpered but closed her eyes and bore down, hands clenched. The girl lifted the furs, checking her. Where was her father? He was supposed to have been home hours ago. At this rate, her younger brother or sister would be born before he arrived._

_A scream made her jump and she jumped, nearly knocking over the lantern. Shaking her head she did her best to comfort her mother, coaxing her to push even as her strength started to fade._

_At last, just as the sun started to sink below the horizon she let herself slump in relief as a newborns cries sounded. “Thank the Flame.” She said quietly. Moving to her mothers side she held her as she cried and fussed over her new son. The girl had a brother now._

_Suddenly the door crashed inwards and she jumped off the bed, drawing her sword. Whoever dared to try and rob them would be severely dismembered-_

_Her father rushed into the room, looking frightened._

_“Ria!” He cried, spotting her in the bed. In an instant he was there, begging his forgiveness. His wife simple showed off their child and he instantly teared up, stroking her hair and cooing at his son._

_The girl stood alone in the middle of the room, feeling like an outsider. Where were you? She wanted to scream. What could have possibly kept you away from your son being born?! Instead she simply sheathed her sword and started tidying up. As she took out the bloodied rags to be washed she nicked herself on the roses growing near the door._

_Instantly she tensed, dropping to a crouch and hiding her hand in case any of their neighbors were still at home. Once she was sure she was alone outside she examined her hand properly. Blood as black as midnight was oozing down her wrist. Her curse._

_A twig snapped behind her and she spun around, snarling. There was no one. She frowned and rubbed at her neck. Could it have been one of the raccoons? Her hand slipped on her neck and she brought it away, horrified by what she saw._

_Blood covered her entire hand, dripping down her wrist and onto her sleeve. Footsteps made her look up even as she clutched at her neck. There was a man in the doorway to her house. His brown eyes burned into hers and she felt a bolt of fear go down her spine._

_“Rest well, sister.” He murmured, drawing a knife from his pocket._

_She was frozen to the spot as he approached her. When he was a foot away and raising the knife she finally got her mouth open and she screamed louder than she ever had in her life._

“No!” Clarke fell out of bed, smacking into the stone floor. The furs were twisted around her and she fought desperately to get out of them. Dragging herself away from the bed she collapsed into a shivering, sweaty mess on the floor.

“It was just a dream.” She whispered quietly. “It was just a dream, you’re fine.”

Raising her hands to her neck she felt along the skin. Nothing there but sweat. Closing her eyes she let out a soft sob.

“Just leave me alone.” She begged. “Please, I can’t take this anymore.” Tears streamed down her face. The silence seemed to be punishing her and even though she tried to fight, she just couldn’t.

“I deserve this.” She said quietly, recalling the dark room where she’d been kept. “I deserve it for what I’ve done.”

Splitting pain came through her head making her whimper as it spread throughout her body. Twisting, she sat up and turned around. There was a boy sitting not five feet from her.

She cried out, scrambling backwards. Her leg ached but she still managed to climb to her feet and yank open the door. The guards all looked at her curiously as she came running past but she paid them no heed.

The walls suddenly felt impossibly tight and she felt like she was smothering in the heat of the tower. She needed to feel the cold air on her skin, the snow or rain or whatever the hell it was doing outside.

She headed up the stairs. It was only a few short flights and then she was at the top floor where Lexa’s bedroom and throne room were. She left ignored both doors and instead went straight for the guards standing at the side of the entryway.

“I need to get to the top of the tower.” She said shakily. The guard nodded and stepped aside, allowing her access to the small spiral staircase concealed by a stone wall. She’d discovered it a few days ago and every night she’d end up at the same place. The guards were starting to get used to her appearances and the other night one had even offered to escort her back to her room.

She took the stairs two at a time and burst out onto the very top of the tower. As soon as she felt the cold air and the wind buffeting into her she relaxed. It was snowing again and she could feel the flakes stinging into her skin.

“Excuse me.” Once of the guards guarding the fire, approached her carefully. “What are you doing up here?”

“I needed some air.” She watched as he stamped around, trying to get the blood flowing into his feet. “How’s the fire?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You really want to know how the fire is going?”

She shrugged and walked over to the large basin, peering at the weak flames of the towers fire. “It looks alright to me. Is there enough wood to keep it going?”

He shook his head. “No, but there’s a big storm coming in and the Commander orders that the fire be put out before they arrive.”

Clarke nodded and stepped away from the fire, slipping a little on the ice gathering on the landing. Righting herself she went to her usual spot right near the base of the fire bowl. Leaning on the edge she looked outward to the stormy grey night, the snow flakes barely visible yet harsh all the same. 

Pretty soon the guard went back to where his fellow guards were gathered and they dissolved into talking and looking at the gathering storm.

Clarke was staring out at the storm herself when she heard the scraping sound of the door opening. Looking around she was surprised to see the Commander emerging onto the landing.

“ _Heda_!” The guards stiffened and Clarke herself straightened up, shaking off her stupor.

“What are you doing up here?!” Lexa demanded when she spotted her. “It’s freezing!” Her glare swung to the guards. “You just let her stay here?!”

“No!” Clarke started forwards, careful to stay away from the edge. “I don’t mind the cold. Besides I couldn’t sleep and they agreed that I could stay up here whenever I wanted to.”She twitched the edge of her cloak, showing her th thick fur lining the inside. “I know what I’m doing Lexa. A sudden thought occurred to her and she stopped. “What are _you_ doing up here?”

Lexa stopped, her cheeks reddening. She opened her mouth but no words came out. Clarke watched in amusement as she fumbled for an explanation.

“Can you please just come inside?” She asked finally. “It’s freezing.”

Clarke shrugged but nevertheless followed her back to the staircase. Waving goodbye to the guards she carefully descended the creaky steps until she was once again inside the too warm tower. This time, though she felt a little bit calmer. Lexa was nearby and she realized that she felt safer with her around. 

“Why would you even want to go up there?” Lexa asked, blowing on her hands.

Clarke stared at her, surprised. “I needed some air. It was closer up there.”

“It’s dangerous out there.” Lexa said flatly. “You could have gotten seriously injured.” A thought occurred to her and she gave her a careful look. “How are you feeling? Does your leg hurt?”

“It’s fine.” She shifted onto her leg and winced.

Lexa’s eyebrows shot up. “Yes I can see that you’re doing just fine.” She said dryly. Straightening she held out her hand. “Come with me?”

Clarke hesitated slightly before reaching out and putting her hand in Lexa’s. As soon as she made contact with her, she shivered. Lexa’s hand was rough and callused yet at the same time her fingers curled around her own with a gentleness that made her stare. It had been so long since she’d received touch like that from someone. Octavia and Lincoln rarely touched her and Thalia tried her best but she was still young and struggling to figure out how to cope herself.

She stood still for so long that Lexa frowned. Then she seemed to realize what she was doing and she immediately opened her hand. “I’m sorry.” She said quickly. “I didn’t remember you didn’t like to be touched. Are you okay?”

Clarke nodded and very hesitantly she reached out and took Lexa’s hand back. When she neither protested nor snatched her hand back, she laced her fingers through hers and let out a shuddering breath at how warm her hands were. Meeting Lexa’s eyes she was surprised to see a sort of softness there.

“Where are we going?”

Lexa blinked, looking confused for a moment before she remembered what she had been trying to do. Still holding Clarke’s hand she led her back down the stairs and through a couple of hallways until they reached the library.

Inside it was warm and dark, the fire barely alive. Lexa released her hand to go stoke up the flames and Clarke, left to her own devices, wandered closer to the shelves. Tracing her finger down one of the spines she squinted to make out the title. Something about plants. Moving down the shelf she frowned at one that appeared to have no title.

Sliding the book off the shelf she peered at the cover. The original binding was starting to rot away and she sighed when she saw the black scorch marks obliterating the words across the front. Carefully, she opened the book and perused the pages. Most of the words were too small for her to make out in the darkness but she did catch sight of what appeared to be a sketch of a very familiar shape.

A hand at her elbow made her jump and she looked up to meet Lexa’s eyes. “You alright?” She asked quietly and Clarke nodded, glancing back at her book. She waited until Lexa had picked out a book of her own before following her back to the couches and settling onto one.

Scanning each page she was delighted to find that it had a lot more sketches of the constellations. She could name most of them, like Orion and Andromeda and Cassiopeia. Tracing her finger over one she felt an ache in her chest. She would never be close to the stars again.

She looked over at the Commander who was deeply absorbed in her own book. How she would have liked to show her what it was like to live in the sky. To see her amazement as she looked at the earth and draw the shimmer of the stars reflected in her eyes.

“How did you know I was up on the roof top?” It wasn’t exactly like she’s been trying to hide it but she had thought that no one would really notice her up there.

Lexa looked up. Carefully placing her thumb in between the pages to keep her spot she gave her her full attention. “I’ve noticed that you’re usually very active at night.” She said finally. “Several times I’ve heard you coming by the library or going up the stairs. Tonight I was coming back to my room when I saw you go running past. I was worried. You looked really upset.”

Clarke flushed. “It was a nightmare.” She admitted quietly. “But why would you check on me? I wouldn’t think I’ve been exactly high on your list of people that you wanted to talk to.”

“Clarke.” Lexa sat forward, looking serious. “Why have you been avoiding me these past few days? Did I say something or do something that made you uncomfortable?”

She squirmed, feeling guilty. “No.”

“Then what is it?”

Clarke fidgeted with her hands, looking anywhere else. She didn’t want to see the look on Lexa’s face when she admitted to her reason. She didn’t think she could handle that.

“Your vision.” She started. “The spirits of the Commanders don’t want anything to do with me or my people.. Besides, ever since they spoke with you you’ve been more distant and away. I figured it was best if I stayed away and kept to myself.” She stared at her hands. “I didn’t want to get into your way and ruin any of your plans.”

There was silence on Lexa’s end and she tried not to show her distress. She’d overstepped again she was sure of it. Her hands clenched and she tried to remember how long it would take her to reach Thalia’s room.

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes jerked upwards and she was startled to see a deep sorrow on Lexa’s face. “I never meant to make you feel that way. If I’d known I was upsetting you I would have stopped.”

“It’s alright.”

“No.” Lexa said forcefully. “It’s not. Your feelings matter here Clarke. Maybe they didn’t back at Arkadia but they do here.” She leaned forwards in earnest. “I care about how you feel.”

That did it. Clarke’s carefully built walls around herself started to crack. “Have the guards found anything yet?” She asked, her voice rough from emotion.

Thankfully, Lexa accepted the change of subject. “Yes actually. Reports of a man in blue robes were gathered from some of the stablehands. The guards are going to start asking around for people who may know him as well as try to find where his clothing came from. He’ll be brought back to the tower to be interrogated. Don’t worry.”

Clarke nodded, carefully tucking away the information to share with Thalia later. There was a question on the tip of her tongue but she wasn’t sure if she should ask it. Finally she decided to take the step.

“Why did you want to fight with me? If you wanted my attention you could have just asked.”

“Oh.” Lexa looked embarrassed. “I, uh, saw you fighting with Octavia and it was impressive. I wanted to see how you would react to a more experienced opponent.” There was something in the way that she wasn’t quite meeting her eyes that made her realize that there was a little more to it than that. But rather than riling her up she simply let it go.

“How did I do?”

“Very well. It was refreshing to fight someone who wasn’t intimidated by my status. Although I must say your fighting style is one that I’ve never seen before.”

“Oh yeah. Lyra said the same thing.” She said offhandedly, completely missing the way that Lexa’s jaw clenched at the mention of the _Trishanakru_ leader. “They all think that I fight differently, except for Satoka. She said it was like how _Azgeda_ fought. But I’ve never had anyone from _Azgeda_ train me so it must be a coincidence.”

“Hmm, well, whoever you fight like, it was very well. You could probably challenge some very experienced warriors and win.”

Clarke was taken aback at the praise. A warm feeling spread in her chest and she smiled slightly. “I guess. Although really all I’d have to do was get them so distracted that they trip over the dirt and fall over and I’d win very easily.”

The look of surprise on Lexa’s face made her laugh. It wasn’t very loud but it was the first actual laugh she’d had in a long time. Clearly Lexa realized that too because she smiled warmly at her, pleased.

They talked for a little bit longer until Clarke was laying on her back, book set carefully down beside her. She was still warm but it was no longer claustrophobic and suffocating and she had removed her cloak and boots. Her arm was slung over her eyes and she was just barely listening to what Lexa was saying. Finally it became too much and she let her eyes fall closed, falling asleep once more.

She was so tired she didn’t even move as Lexa got up to put their books back. Nor did she wake when the Commander draped a blanket over her, only rolling over to bury her face in her arm.

Lexa remained still for a minute just watching her. Finally her hand came up and she very very carefully smoothed a strand of hair out of her face. “Sleep well Clarke.” She whispered. Straightening up, she hurried from the room, shutting the doors as carefully as she could behind her.

For the rest of the night Clarke slept peacefully, uninterrupted. Everything was warm and still inside the library, the thick walls protecting her from the swirling gusts of wind outside as the storm that the guard had warned of, started to build.

Down on the ground people gathered their children and belongings into the house and made sure their fires were well stoked. Not many people ventured out into the freezing night and when they did it was never for long.

Far far away from the tower, deep in the forest, two men were huddled around a weak fire in a small ragged hut. One of them was more bulky than his thinner companion although lack of good food and sickness had severely weakened him.

He was hunched over something on the fire and when he straightened up there was a strip of cooked meat on a piece of bark. He fell hungrily into his meal, sipping occasionally from a small flask. When he was done he lifted another piece of meat off the fire and offered it to his companion.

He accepted it and nibbled on the very edge, clearly uncomfortable to be eating there.

The man snorted, watching him with an amused expression.

“I haven’t poisoned that you know.” He said. “I wouldn’t do that to my friends.”

The other man shifted uncomfortably like he disagreed with what he’d been said. He kept his mouth shut though.

Pike shook his head and turned back to the fire. “Careful now, we need each other to get into Polis. Remember the Commander needs us to work _together_ if we want to kill the other Commander.”

The second man ground his teeth together but stayed silent, going back to picking at his meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just comfortably lounging on the gigantic pile of foreshadowing I just dropped into this chapter 🤡  
> Yes, the Flame can show the future, I don't know how, it just can.


	7. Tell Me What You Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke falls off a horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: none
> 
> The longer italicized paragraphs are dream sequences.

**Octavia**

Thalia picked at her meal, slowly demolishing her pile of mashed up roots. When she’d finished tearing it down she started to build the pile back up with her fork.

Octavia found it endearing and incredibly annoying. When Thalia started tearing down the new pile with her fork she gave up. Getting to her feet, she walked around the table and gripped Thalia’s arm, hauling her up.

“Come with me.” Without looking at anyone she led Thalia from the room. She headed straight for her and Lincoln’s room. The talk they needed to have was serious and she sincerely hoped that Clarke would not come barging in. That would only make everything worse.

As soon as they were safely in her room, she dropped Thalia’s arm and locked the door before turning to her with arms crossed.

The teenager gave her an annoyed look. “What was that for? I was eating lunch.”

“Nice try. You were playing with your food which is something I have never ever seen you do. What’s going on? Did you not like the roots?” She doubted it, Thalia had learned the hard way not to be picky about what she ate. There was the chance that she was being picky now (after all she certainly could be) but Octavia severely doubted that.

Thalia shook her head and crossed her own arms, staring stubbornly at the wall over her shoulder. “No it’s not that, I like the food here.”

“Than what is it? You know better than to play with your food and if it was anything extreme you would be talking to Clarke right now and not to me. So what is it? Are you worried about another attack?”

“No.” Thalia wandered over to a chair and sank down into it.

“Then what is it?” She pleaded, trying to catch her eye. Clarke was so much better at talking to her when she was upset. But that wasn’t going to stop her from trying to find out what had happened.

Through everything that Pike had put her and Lincoln through, their light had been Thalia. They would never be as close to her as she was with Clarke of course, the bond between them was unique and unbreakable. But they didn’t mind. In a way, Thalia was just as much their daughter as she was Clarke’s. They’d cared for her and kept her safe when Clarke had been taken away to the Dark Room and over time she and Lincoln discovered that they’d loved her more than they thought they could.

So no, she was not going to just sit by and watch when something was obviously wrong.

Thalia must have sensed it too, because she slumped slightly and her arm tensed. Her tell that she was about to give in.

“The mind lessons.” She said quietly. “I don’t want to see what Pike did to me or Clarke. Clarke says I should. Says it’s for my own good since she’s going to die. But they make my nightmares worse and I keep seeing _him_ standing at the foot of my bed when I wake up.”

Octavia’s shoulders slumped. This was exactly what she hadn’t wanted to happen. “Let me talk to Clarke,” she started, “I can tell her to dial it back and let you recover a little bit before continuing.”

Already Thalia was shaking her head. “Are you kidding me? No way! I have to keep doing the lessons! And it’s not because Clarke wants to teach me how to deal with pain but because it’s the way I get rid of him. I need him to go away, please Octavia, don’t tell Clarke to stop.”

She was at a loss. She wasn’t going to disobey her future leader but at the same time, Thalia needed to be strong when the next couple of months came along and she wasn’t sure how that was supposed to happen if she was having nightmares again.

“Fine.” She said after a while. “But promise me that you’ll take breaks when you need them and if you ever need to talk, me, Lincoln, and Clarke are always going to be here for you.”

“I know.” Thalia got up and wrapped her arms around her tightly. “Thank you for protecting me. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

“You’d never clean your room.” Octavia teased gently, hugging her back. Unlike Clarke she had no qualms whatsoever to being touched for long periods of time. She allowed the younger girl to hold onto her for as long as she liked.

When she finally stepped back she was looking much more at ease than she had been before.

“How about you find Clarke and go lure her to the library.” She suggested. “If she has anything important than tell her to push it back because I have something more important.”

“Oh?” Thalia looked interested. “What’s this thing that’s supposedly more important than the duties of the Chancellor?”

“You’ll see.” She grinned. “Meet me in the library in twenty minutes. Oh and if you see anyone else from Arkadia then invite them too. This is for everyone.”

“Even Jasper and Raven?” Thalia asked, her nose wrinkling in distaste.

“Yes. They’re still our people no matter how sour they are. Now go.” She gently shooed her in the direction of the door and Thalia stuck her tongue out at her before leaving.

Octavia let out a breath, her shoulders slumping in relief. Relief that quickly turned to stress when she realized that she had no idea what she was supposed to be surprising Clarke and Thalia with.

Wrenching open the door she headed down the hall, coming up with and discarding ideas quickly. It couldn’t be anything too surprising seeing as Clarke hated surprises and nothing too stressful since the entire idea was to give Thalia time to relax. She smacked herself in the forehead.

“Think this through before you open your mouth next time Blake.” She muttered.

She was still thinking deeply when she ran into Lincoln on his way up to check on her.

“Octavia there you are! Thalia’s off about something you have planned for the day. She said to tell you that it’s going to take longer to find Clarke because she’s gone out with Satoka.”

Octavia grabbed his arm and hauled him into the nearest unlocked room she could find. “Please, you have to help me.” She whisper shouted. “I have no idea what to do for the surprise! I thought that giving Thalia and Clarke the opportunity to relax was a good one but now she’s excited and if I don’t come up with something soon and fast she’s going to be disappointed!”

“Whoa, just slow down for a minute okay?” Lincoln said, holding her hands. “Now what’s going on again?”

She let out a long exhale before answering. “Thalia’s been getting nightmares again and I suggested that she relax a bit. But the thing is that I suggested I had something interesting planned out for her and Clarke.”

“So you have no surprise for them?” Lincoln asked, looking like he was trying to smother a smile.

“Yes.” She said grumpily. “Will you help me? I’m on a bit of a time crunch.”

“Of course I’d help you.” Lincoln said, giving her forehead a quick kiss. “As a matter of fact I actually had something planned for you today but if you want to extend the invitation to Clarke and Thalia, I don’t mind.”

Octavia perked up. “Wait you do? What is it?”

“Well I ran into Aden the other day and he said that the Nightbloods were getting the day off of training today. He was going to go out on a ride with a few of his friends and I asked him if we could tag along.”

“That’s perfect.” She exclaimed, relieved. She laced her fingers through his. “What would I do without you?”

Lincoln smiled and started leading her down the hallway. “More like what would I do without you. You’d be just fine.”

Octavia laughed. “Not true.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “Why are we talking about this? No one’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Now that is true.” They headed down the hallway towards the library. “You think everything is alright with Thalia and Clarke? They both seem a little…distant right now.”

“I’m not sure. Thalia’s having nightmares and Clarke is probably feeling a little confused right now.” Catching Lincoln’s skeptical expression, she explained further. “She’s trying to adjust to this new place after coming from Arkadia and she’s still getting upset or overwhelmed. Hopefully she isn’t too overwhelmed though.”

“She’s strong. Just like someone else I know.” Lincoln pointed out.

Octavia rolled her eyes but secretly she was flattered. They hadn’t had much time lately to do anything for themselves what with Clarke and Thalia. As much as she loved the two, she loved Lincoln more and she’d been secretly hoping for a little time to relax. Maybe today would be the day.

When they arrived at the library, Thalia had yet to arrive. Monty, Harper, Kane, and Lexa were already there, spread out across various points of the room. Octavia headed straight for one of the couches and sank down onto it with a soft sigh. After the barricade she would never take couches for granted again. Especially this one. It felt like a cloud.

By the time the first hint that Thalia had arrived came Octavia was nearly asleep. She felt someone shaking her shoulder.

“Come on, they’re here.” Lincoln sounded like he was laughing and she soon realized why.

Thalia was practically shouting as she neared the room. Various insults mixed with pleading could be heard and when she threw open the doors it was with a loud bang. She was at the front of the group, braids rumpled and jacket haphazardly thrown around her waist. Behind her Clarke, Anya, Lyra, and Satoka looked amused and slightly disgruntled.

“I told you Thalia, I’m a bit busy right now.” Clarke said gently, extricating her hand from her seconds hold.

“No you’re not.” Thalia shot back. “Not anymore. Anything you have with Lyra and Satoka can wait. Right?” She threw a furious glare at the two woman who exchanged a look and just shrugged.

“See?” Thalia grabbed Clarke’s hand again and dragged her over to where Octavia and Lincoln were waiting. “I got here her guys.”

“We can see that.” Octavia pointed out, grinning.

“Will someone please tell me why I was just dragged out of a meeting and insulted the entire way here?” Clarke snapped, clearly annoyed. She straightened her cloak and met Octavia’s eyes immediately putting two and two together.

“No.”

“You have’t even heard what I was going to say.” Octavia pleaded. “Just give me a chance.”

“I’m busy Octavia I don’t have time for games.” She wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry but I have to get everything done before we can leave at the end of the week. I still need to meet with _Delfikru_ and _Floukru_.”

“But this is more important.” Thalia piped up. “Octavia tell her.”

Octavia felt slightly nervous as she approached her friend. Hopefully this would work and not infuriate Clarke and push her away even further. “Clarke you need to take a break alright? You’re pushing yourself way too hard right now. Plus I’ve watched you during training and if you don’t stop you’re going to do some serious damage to your leg.”

Clarke crossed her arms but didn’t say anything.

“Just hear us out at least.”

“Fine.”

Octavia took a deep breath and glanced at Lincoln. “We’re going out for a ride with Aden in a couple minutes. He said it was alright if we invited more people so we’re asking you if you want to come along as well. With Thalia of course.”

Clarke clenched her jaw and remained silent. Octavia hurried along, knowing she was about to reject their invitation.

“Monty and Harper could come along too. Even Lyra and Satoka if you’re that worried about your work. Anyone can come on this ride if you want. Hell, you could invite the entire council and we’d be fine with it. Although it’d be a bit slow.” She gave Clarke a pleading look. “Do it for Thalia, please.” It was a dirty move but she was rather desperate to get Clarke to come along. If she had to play the Thalia card then she would deal with any consequences.

“You should do it Clarke.” Lyra said, coming over. “It sounds like fun.”

Clarke looked more than a little surprised at that. “Lyra you know that this is a bad idea.”

“Well I like training with you and I’d rather you not hurt yourself and have to stop.” Behind the two Octavia spotted Lexa’s hands clench around the book she was holding. Slowly an idea started to piece itself together.

“Anya would you like to come?” She called.

The warrior shook her head. “I need to stay here.” She said gruffly, glancing at Lexa.

“What about you Commander? Do you want to come on our ride?”

Clarke’s eyes widened and she looked at Octavia like she’d gone mad. Asking her was one thing, asking the _Commander_ was another.

Lexa slowly put her book down and got to her feet, face unreadable. Octavia swallowed nervously and clasped her hands together, hoping she hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

“I’d be honored to join you on a ride, Octavia kom Skaikru.” Lexa said smoothly. “As is Anya I’m sure.”

Anya’s jaw dropped and even Clarke looked stunned at her acceptance. Octavia immediately turned to the blonde. “See? Even Lexa is coming.”

Clarke looked like she was trying to swallow something sour. She looked at Thalia and proceeded to have a very fast silent conversation with her. Finally she looked away and nodded. “I’ll come with you.”

“Great!” Octavia looked at Monty and Harper. “Want to come along too? I’m sure we can find horses for you to ride somewhere.”

“Actually me and Monty sort of had the day planned out.” Harper said, apologetic. Monty nodded. “Maybe next time guys.”

“That’s alright. Kane what about you?”

“I think I’m good right here.” He held up his book. “I’d rather avoid getting bounced around on the back of a horse all day if I can help it.”

“Suit yourselves. What about you Satoka and Lyra? Want to come?”

“Ooh yes!” Lyra nodded vigorously while Satoka was a little more subdued. “We’re definitely coming.”

“Let’s get going then.” Lincoln pointed out. “We don’t have all day.”

**Clarke**

“Thalia come here please.” She beckoned to her second, as everyone headed out the door.

“I’m not in trouble am I?” Thalia asked cautiously. She lowered her eyes slightly. “I’m sorry I interrupted your meeting but it really was important. Octavia’s not the only one who noticed how hard you’re working. We’re both worried.”

 _You shouldn’t be,_ Clarke was tempted to say. Instead she shook her head. “I’m not mad. I just want to know if you’re okay. It’s not everyday that Octavia throws together a last minute ride without telling me. Is everything okay? Do you want to slow down your training?”

“No!” Thalia shook her head quickly. “Definitely not.”

“Hmm.” Clarke made a mental note to interrogate Lincoln about this later. She slipped the Chancellor’s pin out of the cloak strings and placed it in an inside pocket. If she lost that her mother would kill her.

She followed Octavia to the elevator and very reluctantly crammed herself into the elevator with everyone else. Once she was pressed against the wall, the doors slid closed and she felt them begin to descend. Taking a deep breath she tried to quiet her nerves and not throw up all over Anya’s shoes. If this was how she was going to feel every time she never wanted to ride the elevator again if she could help it.

In fact, the more time they spent in the stuffy box the more antsy and claustrophobic she got. Her breathing was quickening and she was fidgeting nervously with her hair. When the doors finally opened she sped outside and went straight for the doors, ignoring everyone.

She reached the stables before they caught up and spent a quick moment braced against Selene’s stall, trying to catch her breath. Selene appeared at her side, butting her nose into her shoulder and letting out a low whicker.

“I can do this.” She whispered, looking at her horse. “Right?”

Selene nudged her with her nose again and snorted.

“Okay then.” She unlatched the door and slipped into the stall. Her saddle was placed neatly to the side, where she’d brought it after coming down to sleep in the straw for another night. Ignoring the sounds of the others trickling into the stables, she focused on saddling and bridling her horse.

When that was complete, she emerged back into the walkway, nearly running over Lyra.

She waited patiently as she got her horse ready. Truth be told, she had needed a break (not that she was going to admit that anytime soon) from her duties. Her leg had been paining her as well and the meetings were starting to get under her skin.

What Octavia had said was probably right. She was going to hurt herself if she went any further. _How ironic would that be_ , she thought with a snort, _I survive the Dark Room and then injure myself permanently._ Shifting her weight onto her good leg she shook her head and made sure her braid was covering the back of her neck.

 _Don’t think about the Dark Room Clarke. You are not going to ruin today for Thalia by freaking out._ Taking a deep breath, she exhaled and turned her attention back to Lyra who was leading out her horse.

“Alright let’s go.” The older leader said cheerfully.

Clarke gave her a weak smile and followed her back out of the stables. When she made it out into the saddling yard she was surprised to find that Lexa and Anya had already saddled up their horses and were waiting for them to reemerge.

She tried to remain cool and collected as she and Lyra approached the two woman. She was about twenty feet away when Selene, who was energetic and lively after being cooped up, yanked her head straight up and danced forwards. Clarke, who hadn’t been paying attention, tripped and fell straight forwards into Lyra. She tried to stop her fall but it was too late and she felt Lyra pitch forwards, landing hard on her front.

Selene whinnied and bumped her nose into Clarke’s face. “We should probably work on that.” She murmured, stroking her nose. Going over to Lyra, she crouched down and helped her sit up.

“Are you okay?” She asked, seeing the graze on her cheek.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Lyra said shakily. She reached out and dusted some dirt off her shoulder. “Is your arm okay?”

“I think I’ll survive.” Clarke glanced at Selene who looked as innocent as a horse could be. “I’m sorry, usually I try to take her out everyday but I haven’t had the chance lately.”

“I had a horse like that once.” Lyra offered, eyeing Selene. “Usually they’re not supposed to act like that though. It could be dangerous if the horse isn’t understanding it’s owner.”

“I know.” Clarke shook her head and stood up, petting Selene’s neck. “I’ve been working with her. She’s gotten better but, she still needs work.”

She glanced over her shoulder to where Thalia was emerging, leading a perfectly in control Eos. Behind her, Octavia, Lincoln, and Satoka followed, their own horses all calm as could be.

“Did she knock you over again?” Thalia asked, as soon as she was by her side. She caught sight of Lyra who still looked mildly surprised and her eyes widened. “She knocked her over too?”

“It’s fine, there was no harm done.” Clarke shrugged. “It was mostly my fault, I should have taken her back out into the forest sooner. She’s just restless.” She pushed her fingers through her braid and pushed it into place on her neck. “What about you? How is Eos?”

“Oh he’s fine. I think he missed me though.” Thalia looked at her horse fondly and stroked his neck.

“Are you guys ready or what?” Octavia and Aden appeared beside them. Aden looked a little bit alarmed at the sudden largeness of their group. Especially when he caught sight of where Lexa and Anya were waiting.

“We’re ready.” Thalia grinned at her and she couldn’t help but feel a sense of calmness, her turbulent thoughts slowing down and — for once — quieting. Copying Aden and the others she stuck her foot in the stirrup and quickly swung into the saddle, reigns already gripped tightly.

Selene, much to her surprise, didn’t try to throw her off the second she was in the saddle. Instead she simply twisted her head and attempted to nose at her knee. Clarke watched until she shook out her mane and shied sideways before relaxing.

“Now you’re back to normal.”

She watched as the others got their horses into place, barely paying attention to her horse until she started pawing at the ground. In an instant she was out of the saddle and near her head, gently petting her nose.

“You’re okay.” She whispered quietly, turning her so that she was facing away from the group. “You’re okay.” Another thing that she really needed to work on was her horse’s nervous fear of larger groups. Thalia, Octavia, and Lincoln were okay but something about other people tended to make Selene spooked and Clarke suspected that one of her former owners hadn’t treated her right.

She glanced over at the group before making up her mind.

“I’m going to go ahead. I’ll meet back up with you guys by the entrance.”

Octavia looked concerned. “Do you want someone to come with you?”

She shook her head. “No, I think I’ll be alright.” She gave Selene one last pat before tugging on the reigns and leading her out without a second glance.

**Lexa**

“Don’t think I don’t know the reason why you agreed to come on this ride.” Anya said in her ear.

Lexa brushed her away and glanced over to make sure that nobody else was around. Thalia was watching them, but it was more out of curiosity and a moment later she looked away.

She turned back to Anya. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

Anya rolled her eyes at her and heaved a heavy sigh. “How many times must I repeat myself? Stay away from the Commander of Death. Going on rides and talking with her will achieve nothing. She is not Costia, she will never be Costia.”

Lexa stiffened. “Of course she is not Costia!” She snapped, her hands gripping the reigns tighter. “I am not looking to replace her! I would never do that to her, not after what she sacrificed for me!”

Anya ducked her head down, assuming a submissive pose. “Forgive me _Heda_.” She murmured. “I should not have assumed your intentions.”

“You really shouldn’t have.” Lexa agreed wearily. Shifting in her saddle she looked towards the crowds in the market, idly scratching the back of her neck. The Flame had been dormant for some time now. Not even Hala was communicating her and the few times that she had asked for guidance they had ignored her.

It was part of the reason she had agreed to go on the ride, contrary to Anya’s belief. She was tired of being in the tower with only Titus to constantly yap in her ear about some problem or another. She needed to breathe. So, she suspected, did Clarke.

“ _Heda_! _Heda_!” At the side of the main walkway, a young girl rushed right up to her horse, completely disregarding the guards. She looked awestruck as she tried to get her attention even as the guards reached for their weapons.

“ _Hod op_.” Lexa raised her hand and stopped them. In one fluid motion she halted her horse and swung down to better talk to the little girl. “ _Weron yu nomon en nontu?”_ She asked her calmly. The child was very obviously on her own, and she felt a bolt of anger at the thought of her getting crushed in the throngs of people.

The girl paused, still distracted by the sight of the formidable Commander right in front of her. She shuffled closer and poked a curious hand out towards her braids. Lexa let her touch them while she looked over at Anya helplessly. She couldn’t just leave this child on her own here.Never mind that there would be people willing to do the task all around here, she felt a certain obligation when it came to her people’s safety.

Thankfully she didn’t have to wait very long. Several minutes later a young woman came rushing up, looking frantic.

“ _Wren! Der yu ste!_ ” She caught sight of who exactly was near her and instantly the color drained from her face. “ _Heda! Ai moba_.” She instantly seized the child and hauled her back letting out a steady stream of apologies as she went.

Lexa straightened up and held up her hand, cutting her off. “ _Em na ste klir.”_ She said sternly. _“Yu beda teik shou yu gon em we nodotaim.”_

The woman nodded, her grip tightening on the girl who was still fascinated by her. Lexa stepped back and gestured for the guards to resume their positions around the group. Getting back into the stable she motioned to Thalia.

“Lead on.”

* * *

When they arrived at the west entrance Clarke was pacing her horse in circles just around the inside of the gate. As they neared she looked up and immediately her face lit up with relief and concern.

“What took you so long?” She asked looking straight to Lexa.

She ignored the way that Anya and Aden were looking at her as she shrugged. “We ran into a bit of an unexpected problem but it’s solved.” Signaling to the guards she waited as at least half of them melted back to disappear inside one of the guard huts where they would be staying until they returned. The other half rode back to Polis, albeit a little reluctantly.

“Aden are you ready?”

“Hmm?” The Nightblood fumbled as she caught him distracted. He flushed under her gaze and pointed his horse in the direction of the gate. “Right, erm, this way.” He rode through the gate quickly, eager to get out into the woods.

Lexa shook her head and followed a little more slowly. She kept a careful eye on Clarke and Thalia who were talking to each other in quiet tones ahead of her.

She was distracted though, when they rode out into the forest and she was immediately taken with how the forest looked. Snow had drifted into thick piles on the sides of the path and each tree was heavily laden with a white blanket. It was quite pretty.

Anya frowned at the amount of snow, clearly displeased. “Hopefully this all melts soon.” She grumbled, gripping her cloak tighter about her.

Clarke looked startled as she glanced over her shoulder at her. “You don’t like the snow?”

The warrior gave her an amused look. “The winter brings cold and death to our people. It destroys crops and limits trade routes and paths. So no, _Wanheda_ , I do not like the snow.”

Clarke frowned slightly, looking unhappy. Without another word she urged Selene up past Thalia beside Lyra and Aden. Thalia looked a lot less friendly when she glanced at them again but she kept quiet.

Lexa herself sent an annoyed look at Anya. “This is probably on of the few times she’s ever seen this much snow.” She said quietly. “Let her enjoy it for now, she won’t be able to for very long if she wishes to stay here.”

“What so you’re defending her now?” Anya shook her head and looked away.

She gritted her teeth but kept her face expressionless. So far this ride was getting off to a horrible start.

**Clarke**

Aden seemed to be leading them in a sort of loop. Clarke could see him up ahead and he was joking around and laughing with a few of his friends. She twisted around in the saddle to glance back at Thalia and make sure that she hadn’t fallen off her horse.

As she did so she caught sight of what she was doing. The girl was holding the reigns of her horse rather tightly and she appeared to be oblivious to the way that Eos was starting to get nervous. Slowing Selene, Clarke reached over and tapped her hand, bringing her attention back.

“Your horse is getting nervous.” She commented. Thalia looked extremely guilty as she loosened her hold and stroked Eos’s neck.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered quietly, ducking her head. She looked close to tears, almost like she was afraid of her mentor’s reaction.

Clarke was puzzled. She hadn’t yelled or even been the slightest bit angry. It was a simple mistake, one that could be completely rectified once realized. She tilted her head further, studying her.

Thalia didn’t appear to be majorly upset, she was mostly relaxed and even had an eye on the path. But there was a definite tension in her jaw and her eyes looked troubled. It was a bit worrying.

Clarke reached over with one hand, intent on stopping Eos for a moment so that she could really see her. The movement wasn’t sudden or quiet but still Thalia seemed to be caught off guard when she touched her hand again. She gasped, tugging hard on the reigns as she jerked away.

Eos, who was already on edge, bolted sideways across the path right under Selene’s nose. The sudden movement made the black horse whinny in alarm and rear straight up onto her hind legs.

Clarke drew back as soon as she saw Thalia’s reaction to her. But she was still off center when Selene moved and, unprepared for the movement, she fell.

**Octavia**

She had just been talking to Lincoln about something when they heard a commotion behind them. They whipped around as fast as they could, just in time to see Selene come running towards them, stirrups flying and Thalia pulling Eos to a stop.

Lyra and Satoka were so surprised that they made no move to stop the runaway horse, leaving Octavia to be the one to catch her reigns and calm her down as best she could.

When she returned, her blood ran cold as she saw the Commander, Anya, and Lincoln around a crumpled form in the snow. _Clarke._

Throwing herself out of Helios’s saddle she hurried up to them. It was worse than she thought. A small puddle of blood was pooling on the hard packed snow and for one terrible moment she thought she wasn’t breathing.

But then Lincoln pointed out that her nose was just bleeding heavily and she saw the rise and fall of her chest. Relief crashed over her in an instant and her knees nearly gave out. If Clarke had actually been dead…she didn’t know what she would have done.

“What happened?” She asked shakily.

Lexa looked up and met her eyes, fury gathering in the green depths. Not answering, she looked around and spotted Thalia who was dismounting from Eos. In an instant she was on her feet, hands clenched.

“Do you know what you did?!” She spat out. “Your horse was scared and you made it worse! It’s a miracle she’s still breathing, if that horse had decided to kick her in the head she could have been killed!”

Thalia blanched, looking ill. “I didn’t mean to!” She stammered out, tears welling up in her eyes. “I just- she was too- I’m so sorry!”

“The damage has been done!” Lexa snapped at her. “Now someone’s hurt.”

Octavia roused herself from her shock and finally got herself back together again. Still gripping Selene and Eos’s reigns she stepped forwards and glared at the Commander. “Back off. She knows what she’s done. Yelling at her will only make this whole thing worse. Besides, our focus should be on making sure that Clarke is alright.”

Lexa glared at her but turned away and returned to Clarke’s side and carefully picked up her hand, staring anxiously at her face.

Octavia moved to Thalia’s side. The young girl was shaking and tears were sliding down her cheeks. When she saw her she shook her head.

“I swear I didn’t mean to do this! I never meant to get her hurt! I swear I-” Octavia moved forwards and pulled her into a hug.

“I know you didn’t.” She whispered. “It was just a simple accident. Clarke will be up and walking again in no time.” She tightened her hold and tried not to think about what would happen if there was serious damage.

When she pulled away, Lyra appeared at her side and took the horses reigns from her. She watched gratefully as she and Satoka guided them off the trail to make more room. Even with their disappearance though, Aden and the others were coming back and things were starting to get crowded.

Lincoln noticed this too and he carefully slid his arms around Clarke, hoisting her into his arms. With a small grunt he stood up, cradling her to his chest.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked anxiously, rising to her feet as well. “Where are you taking her?” Her face was taught with emotions and Octavia eyed her curiously, trying to figure out why she was so freaked out about this. Could it be that she still had feelings for her leader after all this time…?

“We need to get her off the path.” Lincoln answered, calmly. “Aden do you know a place where she’ll be out of the way? I need to get a better look at her injuries.”

Aden nodded immediately. “There’s a meadow just up ahead. The ground is flat and there’s a portion where we’ve cleared the snow away.”

“Great.” Lincoln took a few steps forward and nodded. “Octavia will you take my horse?”

“Yeah.” Keeping her arm around Thalia, she advanced forwards and took the horse. Slowly they all got themselves ready. Everyone had dismounted and Lyra and Satoka held most of the horses reigns while Lincoln and Lexa followed Aden.

The meadow was about fifty yards away and as soon as they got there, Octavia was tying Lincoln’s horse’s reigns onto the nearest tree and going straight over.

Lincoln was setting Clarke down and checking her over. Octavia gently wiped away the blood still streaming from her nose and glanced at her partner. “Is she going to be okay?”

He nodded, sitting back and wiping his forehead. “I don’t think her nose is broken and nothing else appears to be either. She’ll probably wake up soon, but she should be fine in the long run. How is Thalia faring?”

Octavia glanced over her shoulder to where Aden was approaching Thalia. “She’s shaken up. I don’t know what happened back there but whatever it was, she’s obviously still feeling the effects. I’m worried it’s got to do with all these memories Clarke’s trying to help her confront.”

“I’ll talk to her.” He promised, touching her arm. “I’m sorry your ride was messed up. I know you were just trying to create some time for us all to relax and have a bit of fun.”

She sighed. “It’s alright, I’m not really surprised that something happened but I wish we could have gotten a little bit more time before an accident occurred.” She looked down at Clarke for a moment before a thought occurred to her. “Turn her over.”

“What?” Lincoln looked surprised. “Who?”

“Clarke. Turn her head over I need to check something.” She waited until he had complied before reaching out and lifting the hair off of Clarke’s neck. Pulling down the collar of her shirt she revealed the infinity tattoo inked into her skin. With careful fingers, Octavia felt along the scar cutting through it, searching for any sign that it had reopened. When there was none she let out a sigh and turned to Lincoln. “She hasn’t reopened the scar.”

“How long has she had that.” Lexa piped up from nearby. She looked troubled.

Octavia winced. She’d forgotten she was there. “Not long.” She mused. “The scar finished healing about a week ago so if I had to guess Clarke got it sometime in the last five weeks or so.”

She glanced sideways at Lincoln who looked shocked at the tattoo on their leaders neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She said quietly. “But she asked me to keep it a secret. It was an accident that I found out. She wouldn’t want Thalia to find out either.”

Lincoln finally looked at her. “She got this on her own?”

“I don’t know you’d have to ask her.” Octavia gently replaced her shirt and turned her around again. “But don’t badger her about it okay? She was scared out of her mind when I found out.”

Lincoln still looked deeply troubled but he nodded. “Let’s go talk to Thalia. Erm, Commander? Do you want to stay with her?”

Lexa nodded and carefully pulled Clarke off of his lap and onto hers. She didn’t look at either of them as they got to their feet, keeping her eyes firmly on Clarke’s face.

**Clarke**

_“Clarke wake up.” Someone was shaking her. She didn’t want to wake up. She wanted to sleep here where she was warm and there were no nightmares bothering her._

_“Clarke. Get up.” The shaking got harder._

_“What do you want?” She grumbled opening her eyes. Her blankets had been so warm and she desperately wanted to go back to sleep. Never mind the sunlight streaming through the windows._

_Lexa smiled at her, eyes sparkling. “You do know that we’re supposed to be at the meeting in about ten minutes right?”_

_“Screw that.” Clarke scooted closer and nestled in, laying her head on her shoulder. “Can’t I just stay in bed with you? I don’t want to go talk to those leaders. They all hate me.”_

_“That is not true.” Lexa objected. “As delightful as spending an entire day in bed sounds, we don’t have that kind of timeline I’m afraid.” She gently ran her fingers through her hair and Clarke closed her eyes reveling in her touch._

_She was somewhere in between wakefulness and sleep when she became acutely aware that Lexa was no longer by her side. Immediately her eyes snapped open and she looked around. The candles and warm sunlight were gone and she was sitting on her bed back in Arkadia._

_Abruptly the door was flung open and in rushed Niylah. Her cheeks were flushed and she was out of breath. As soon as she spotted her she let out a relieved sigh._

_“You need to run.”_

_“What?” Clarke was confused. Where had Polis gone? What was happening?_

_“You need to run!” Niylah lunged forwards and grabbed her forearms, frantic. “I held them off as best I could but it wasn’t enough. If you run you still might have some time to get to the woods.”_

_Clarke frowned, looking at her. “I don’t know what you mean.”_

_Niylah stared at her looking confused. “What are you talking about? Pike is on his way right. now.” To enforce her point there were several loud knocks on the door and they both jumped. Clarke stared in confusion, she had no idea what was going on. But as the knocking grew louder and Niylah looked more and more terrified she got the distinct feeling she’d been here before._

_As soon as she reached that conclusion the room went dark and she found herself laying on a cold metal grate. Propping herself up she looked around, shivering. Niylah had vanished and a quick glance around the room showed it to be empty._

_The only light in the room was a tiny little lantern right by her hand. It was enough though to make out the table to her side and she peered at it. On the table was a shock baton, a bucket of water, and a rag._

_For a moment she just stared at the objects before backing up rapidly. Her breathing was quickening as she looked around frantically for the exit. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t. A few tears of fear trickled down her face and she tripped, landing hard on her hands and knees._

_That’s when she heard it. A faint scratching off to her left. She strained her eyes to see whatever it was but in the dark it was just about impossible._

_Returning to the lantern she picked it up and returned to the spot. If there was sound than the door was nearby. Right? She followed the scratching noise forward, careful to keep clear of any tools or buckets of water on the floor. She’d learned that lesson._

_The lantern illuminated a blank wall in front of her and she frowned. She’d been so sure that the door would be there…_

_The scratching started again to her right and she turned that way, lifting the lantern so that its light would allow her to see better._

_Pike lunged right out of the shadows, hands already outstretched and reaching for her throat. The lantern hit the floor with a bang, sending the light spinning every which way. Clarke was paralyzed with fear as she caught another glimpse of Pike. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. Please don’t let this be real._

_“Get away from her!” Someone stepped in front of her and nailed Pike directly in the jaw. Through the dim lighting, Clarke thought she saw a glimpse of red. Then her legs gave out and she collapsed, weak from fear and relief._

_Before she could even thank her savior or ask their name, her eyes were closed and she was out._

Someone was stroking her hair. She could feel them smoothing it down before moving to her face and wiping away what must be blood from her nose. It wasn’t harsh or rough but instead achingly gentle. It must be Thalia then. And she could feel cold air on her face which meant she wasn’t in the Dark Room but with Thalia somewhere.

Turning her head slightly she sighed and then winced as a painful headache made itself known. 

“Ow.” Cracking her eyes open she saw a bright white before the pain suddenly jumped to a level it had never reached before. She sat bolt upright and just as suddenly doubled over, coughing and gagging.

“Clarke!” Octavia’s voice behind her made her wince but she pushed through and forced herself to stand. Now that she could look around she recognized that she was in a large snow covered meadow. She didn’t remember why or how they were here. But she did remember falling off her horse and nearly breaking her nose. She must have passed out additionally.

Turning around she was unnerved to find that everyone was more or less coming towards her. But it melted away as soon as she spotted Octavia, who had Thalia right beside her.

“Oh thank god.” She moved forwards quickly. She was about to hug Thalia when she paused.

“Can I touch you?” Better to not have history repeat itself.

Thalia was already nodding and stepping forwards. Clarke drew her into her arms and hugged her tightly, closing her eyes and reassuring herself. She was not in the Dark Room, and she never would be ever again.

“Are you okay?” She asked her second quietly, drawing back. “Did you get hurt?”

Thalia shook her head quickly, looking upset. Immediately concerned she looked at Octavia who shook her head. Turning back to her, she frowned before looking around.

“Where are we? How long was I out?” She could see all the horses tied over to the trees but judging by the fact that their saddles had been removed it had been a while.

“Lincoln carried you here. You haven’t been unconscious for very long though.” Lexa’s voice made her turn and she was surprised when she caught sight of what must have been some of the others saddle blankets and cloaks laid out on the ground behind her. That must have been where they put her.

She looked at Lexa and realized that the Commander looked far more worried than usual. Clarke remembered her dream and instantly blushed furiously as she turned away and tried to concentrate on anything else. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Octavia watching her closely and she blushed harder.

“Does this mean the ride is over?” She asked quickly turning around. Before anyone could answer though, a wave of dizziness came over her and she stumbled. Raising a hand to her head, she let out a soft groan and blinked hard.

“Whoa, okay maybe you should sit down.” Octavia grasped her arm. “Lincoln, what do you think?”

“It might be a concussion.” Clarke said before he could answer, sitting down in the snow. “I lost consciousness, I was dizzy and I nearly threw up. It might have been from the headache, which I also have but it would be hard to tell if that’s from falling since I already had two this morning and six yesterday.”

“You’ve been having headaches?” Thalia and Lexa asked at the same time. They looked at each other for a moment before Lexa lifted her chin slightly and the younger girl looked away, biting her lip. Clarke watched the two closely. Something had happened during the time when she had been out and then woken up.

“She’s awake huh?” Anya’s voice sounded, interrupting the moment. She eyed her Commander before tossing a water skin to Clarke. “I just filled that up at the lake. You should drink that if you’re feeling dizzy. It might help.”

“Thanks.” Clarke uncapped it, sniffed it and then took a small sip. The water was frigid and she winced as her insides seemed to freeze. Throwing caution to the wind she took a larger mouthful.

With the help of Octavia and Lincoln she got to her feet and they helped her carefully back over to where the nest of blankets and cloaks was situated. Everyone ignored her protests about how they should just go back to the tower instead of staying out in the cold.

“We’ll stay here until you feel less dizzy.” Lincoln promised. “But right now I don’t think any of us here want to see you unconscious again and I can only carry you so far.”

She finally gave in and accepted that she needed a bit of time to recover. The blankets were actually quite cozy and after a bit of adjusting they had them spread out in a way that everyone could sit on them. Aden and his friends even convinced Thalia to join them a few meters away where they appeared to be setting something up in the snow.

Clarke herself glanced over every once in a while but for the most part remained silent as Octavia, Lincoln, and Lyra talked about something she had no clue about. Satoka and Anya were acting as guards and silently watching over the horses and ignoring every attempt at conversation with them.

Clarke was starting to feel like they should just head back regardless of whether she could stay in a saddle or not when she finally saw what Aden was doing. He seemed to be throwing small bundles of something at his friends. She frowned and sat up on her heels, watching carefully as he threw another one. It was white, which meant…

Thalia scooped up a handful of snow and packed it in her hands. Before Clarke’s eyes she threw the ball at one of the other Nightblood’s and managed to hit him in the shoulder. A wide grin was on her face, that certainly hadn’t been there fifteen minutes ago.

They were throwing snowballs. It was something that every child on the Ark had dreamed of. Not many of the books that had been in the archives were for children but there were at least a couple. One of them, Clarke remembered, was about a group of children in the wintertime. They did all kinds of things that seemed fantastical; some kind of dancing on ice, throwing snowballs, and decorating trees. She had forgotten about that book until now.

Dropping the water skin she payed close attention to how Aden and Thalia were making the snowballs. She was by no means a child anymore, but oh if she could throw one…

“What are you looking at?” Lyra asked her curiously, noticing the way she was facing.

“They’re throwing snowballs.” Clarke said, awestruck. She twisted around, meeting Octavia’s eyes. “Snowballs.”

It took Octavia two seconds to figure out what she meant. Instantly she was at her side, watching the younger group play. Her mouth dropped as she confirmed it with her own eyes.

“Holy shit.” She muttered. “Bell told me about these but I thought he was just pulling my leg.”

Clarke nodded absently, fidgeting. “There were libraries on the Ark that showed pictures of them. I used to beg my dad to give me one for my birthday.”

By now the others had noticed the two and were watching them, puzzled. “It’s a snowball.” Lexa said carefully, glancing at Anya who just shrugged. “All the children play with them.”

Clarke turned around finally. “There wasn’t snow on the Ark.” She explained impatiently. “I knew that it snowed down here on the ground but until now I guess it never occurred to me that they would still play like this after so long.” She went back to watching them. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“Fuck it.” Octavia stood up, stripping off her cloak. “I’m going to make one.” Without waiting she headed for Aden and Thalia. Clarke lasted thirty seconds before she was taking off her own cloak and standing up. Thankfully the dizziness was gone and without hesitation she followed Octavia.

When she reached them Aden was delightedly showing Octavia how to construct them. Clarke smiled at Thalia before focusing on his movement and after a few fails she was holding a freezing ball of snow.

“Hey no fair!” One of the Natblida’s on the opposite team complained when he spotted her. “You said we were doing even teams! That’s three more on your team!”

“I’ll go over.” Clarke volunteered before any of them could fight. She crossed the field and introduced herself to the other two Nightbloods, Aria and Thane. They seemed a little unnerved by her at first but when she nailed Octavia right in the face they warmed up fast.

Each team assaulted the other as best they could, trying to get the other to submit first. Clarke’s team had a small advantage in that they were tucked behind a small rise. She put it to full use, leading her team to destroy Aden’s team.

She’d just whacked Thalia when the other adults finally started to take interest in their game. Lyra joined their team, and Clarke discovered that she had a mean throw that almost rivaled her own. Lincoln joined Aden’s team and while he didn’t have the best aim he could make snowballs at an alarming speed.

Anya took one look at their little setup, muttered something about how did they all want to get snuck up on and attacked? before walking away towards the horses. Satoka looked like she would rather be anywhere else but eventually Lyra got through to her and she joined Clarke’s team.

Clarke had just thrown one at Lincoln when a snowball smashed right into her face. She whipped around, eyes searching for the one who had thrown that. Lexa’s hand was still outstretched from the throw and when she met her eyes she gave her an innocent look.

“They have the Commander on their team!” She called out to the others. “But we can definitely still win. Right?”

“Of course!” They cheered (except for, unsurprisingly, Satoka). With new purpose they got back to throwing. Of course the other team had new inspiration as well, seeing as how they had the _Commander_ with them. In no time at all, their team was pummeling them.

“Only one thing left to do.” Clarke said, grabbing up a snowball. “Charge!”

The Nightbloods let out war cries and charged over the rise while Lyra nearly fell over laughing. Clarke dug down for energy and closed the distance between the teams, smashing into Octavia and sending them both sprawling.

The two wrestled with each other, rolling around in the snow and in the process getting covered in it. Clarke got the stuff in her hair, down her shirt and even up her nose. At one point Octavia rolled them into a snow mound and they sank into the snow, still fighting.

Clarke finally managed to get her on her back and sat there, panting. “I win.” She announced triumphantly. Looking around the field she saw mixed results from her teammates. Satoka had Lincoln pinned. Thane was pinned by the other Nightblood and Thalia had taken on Lyra, coming out on top. Aria, surprisingly, had been the one to go after Lexa and although there was a big difference in skill level it was clear that she had at least put up a good fight.

They were laughing so hard they could barely breathe. It was one of the first times, Clarke realized, that she had had actual fun since she had reached the ground. She almost wished Pike was alive again just so she could show him how wrong he had been about her. She was capable of being happy.

Rolling off of Octavia’s back she helped her to her feet.

“Next time I’ll get you back, just you watch.” The brunette promised as they slogged through the snow to the others.

“Yeah right. More like I’ll beat you again.”

Octavia shoved her into another snow drift.

* * *

They stayed out in the meadow until the sky started to darken. Then Lexa herded them all off the field and towards Anya and the horses. Once everyone had re-saddled their horses and bundled up again, they started back to the tower.

This time though they talked and joked, sharing stories and laughing about their snowball fights earlier. The guards at the gate looked so surprised at their disheveled appearance that Clarke had to smother a small chuckle.

Walking back through Polis proved to be far easier since most of the usual crowd had dispersed in anticipation of getting dinner on the table and work done before night fell. Clarke started getting quieter as they neared the tower, content to just let the others voices wash over her.

She barely remembered getting Selene back into her stall or getting into the elevator. By the time they reached the library level, though, the snow on her clothes had melted and she felt decidedly uncomfortable.

As soon as they walked into the library she was stripping her cloak off and peeling away her top shirt, leaving her in her semi dry tank top. It would have to do.

The only ones in the room were some random people sitting at one of the far tables and Monty, Harper, Kane, and Raven all curled up in chairs.

“How was your ride?” Kane asked cautiously, eyeing their sodden appearance.

“It was amazing!” Octavia exclaimed, taking off her jacket. “We made snowballs Monty! Remember the stories on the Ark about those? We actually did it!”

Monty looked instantly intrigued and jealous. As he pestered her for more information, Clarke walked closer to the fire, trying to dry out her clothes. She had just sank to her knees, when Raven spoke up. Surprisingly, it was her that she chose to speak to.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo.” It wasn’t malicious or angry but rather curious. Clarke was just as much taken aback as everyone else. Even the grounders had noticed the difficult relationship between the mechanic and the Chancellor.

She glanced down at her left arm, even though every single detail of the design would forever be ingrained in her mind. It was simple really. A small circlet went around her upper bicep, small geometric shapes filling the centimeter tall space. An bit beneath it, ink appeared to be dripping down her arm in fearsome black spires. Woven among them were small black diamonds. Finally, an inch above her elbow, beneath the tallest spire on the outside of her arm was a filled in black circle.

“It’s pretty.” Raven admitted. “What does it represent?”

Clarke traced the spire and shrugged. “The Earth, the stars and the moon. I needed a sort of reminder of the Ark.”

Thalia went over and sat down on the rug by her. “You should see her other tattoos, they’re really cool as well.”

She swatted her arm and cleared her throat, giving her a pointed look. “That is private information Thalia.”

“You have more tattoos?” Raven looked even more interested. “Where?”

Clarke sighed. “I have three.” She admitted. “But two are not in a place that I would like to show right now.” She glanced casually at Lexa who was looking at her arm, interested.

“You know that reminds me of something.” Lyra said. “Almost like somebody’s warpaint.”

“Huh.” Clarke squinted at her tattoo. “I guess it could look like warpaint.” She ran her fingers down the tattoo again. Anya was giving her an unreadable look and she cleared her throat again, anxious to get the attention off of her.

“So is that moonshine that Harper’s drinking or something else?”

Everyone in the room did a double take and looked over to where a blushing Harper was holding a silver container. Beside her, Monty had the good graces to look as contrite as he possible could while Kane gave them disappointed looks.

“What’s moonshine?” Satoka asked, sinking into a nearby chair.

“It’s what we used as alcohol when we lived in space.” Thalia explained. “It’s really strong and bitter and supposedly tastes really really bad.” She grinned. “It’s also totally illegal on the Ark.”

Clarke got to her feet, straightening up and immediately gaining their attention. She took her time walking over to Harper, making sure that the older girl squirmed in her seat as her Chancellor approached. When she was right in front of her she held out her hand. Wordlessly, Harper handed over her contraband. Clarke unscrewed the top of the flask and sniffed it. Yep, that was definitely Monty’s moonshine.

She raised it to her lips and took a long swig. Instantly the liquid seared her tongue and down her throat. She swallowed with slight difficulty and threw the bottle back at Harper.

“Did you put herbs in there? It tastes awful.”

Monty let out a relieved chuckle. “I did, I thought it could change the taste.”

She made a face and shook her head. “Well you certainly achieved your goal.” She muttered. Leaving them she went back over to Thalia and sat down, trying to get the taste of moonshine out of her mouth. 

“Clarke also happens to be completely lax about the rules.” Thalia finished.

Kane looked so surprised that everyone laughed. “But why?” He sputtered. “It’s alcohol!”

“Exactly.” Clarke stifled a yawn. “It’s an excellent painkiller, sterilizer, and drink. Besides, alcohol control is not exactly Arkadia’s biggest concern right now. In fact it’s near to the last on the list.”

“Thankfully.” Monty said, grinning at her. She gave him a small smile in return.

“Well, this has all been very interesting but I have to go.” Lyra said as she got to her feet. “Urgent business in some town outside of Polis I’m afraid. It was fun being on your team Clarke, I hope we can do something like that again.”

Clarke scrambled to her feet. “Can I talk to you really quick?” She asked her, fidgeting with her hands.

“Of course.” Lyra gestured to the doors, looking surprised.

Once they were outside the doors and safely tucked behind an outcropping, she turned to her. “I want to thank you.” She began. “For not only saving my people but for helping me. You really are a uh, good friend.” The words caught in her throat a bit as she went against everything Pike had taught her. Because she realized it now. Lyra was her friend.

The Trishanakru leader went a little pink at her words but she smiled anyways. “You’re welcome. Just so we’re clear by the way, anytime you need to talk, I’ll always be available okay? You’re not alone in this Clarke. Not anymore. You’re one of us now.”

Clarke swallowed hard, overcome with emotion. On impulse she rose onto her toes and very very carefully wrapped her arms around her in a hug. It felt a lot different than when she’d hugged Thalia but a good different. Especially when Lyra returned the hug enthusiastically, squeezing her tightly.

When she finally stepped backwards, Lyra gave her one last brilliant smile before slipping off down the corridor. Clarke watched her go before turning around and returning to the library. When she walked in, Thalia came bolting over looking ecstatic and brandishing what appeared to be a small figurine.

“They have chess Clarke! Chess! Finally I can prove to everyone here that I’m better at chess than you!”

“Oh really?” Her eyebrows rose. “Are you sure about that? How do you know I haven’t been practicing while you and Octavia were training?”

“You’re always with some of the leaders when I train.” Thalia shook her head and dragged her over to where a chess board had been set up on one of the long tables. “Besides, look at these pieces! Way better than the ones you use.”

“Hmm.” Clarke picked one up and studied it. It was an elaborately carved miniature tower and she had to bite back a smile when she saw the tiny flame at the top. Placing it delicately back onto its square she spun the board so that her side was black and Thalia was the white.

Settling into her chair she gestured for her to start. When Thalia moved her pawn she immediately retaliated by moving out her knight. Rather than her second’s careful, thoughtful moment she went a more forest fire approach as she threw every single piece at the king, trying to breach his defense as fast as possible.

“You do realize you’re losing your pieces way too fast right?” Thalia asked her as she claimed her second bishop. Already, only her queen, king, one rook, and one knight remained.

“As long as I win,” Clarke moved her knight and knocked out her queen. “Doesn’t matter the losses I take. All battles have sacrifices.”

“Somehow, I do not think that should be what your strategy is.” Thalia said, giving her a serious look. “It sounds a bit…extreme.” She deliberated for a moment before grinning and moving her rook to where her king was. “I win. Again.”

“Damn it.” Clarke rolled her eyes and looked away. “I was so sure that I had you.”

“Maybe next time.” Thalia said, setting the pieces back to their original spots. Clarke watched her work for a while before getting up and wandering back over to the the bookshelf. She ran her finger down the shelves, searching for the book she’d started that first time when Lexa had been trying to get her to come off the roof.

Much to her relief it was still there, tucked under another thick book. Gently extricating it, she went over to a vacant chair and curled up, opening the book to the page she’d been on last. Tucking her feet up under her, she lost herself in the stories of the stars.

**Lexa**

She shouldn’t be feeling this way. Clarke and Lyra were friends, nothing else. Even if they wanted to be more than friends, they lived in different clans. There was no way a relationship between the two could be had. But every time she thought that, she was reminded that Clarke was the leader of her own clan in a different clan far away from Polis. Which did nothing to put her mind at rest.

 _Stop that,_ she scolded herself. _Clarke deserves to do whatever she wishes. You will not get in the way of that, even if it means you will only be her Commander and nothing else._ Raising her head she stared at Clarke who was reading a book in the chair across from her. Her eyes fell again to the tattoo on her arm.

 _It reminds me of somebody’s war paint._ Lyra’s exact words. Lexa had seen the Trishanakru leaders paint, it did not look like that. No, if she had to say the tattoo looked almost like hers. It was a selfish thought and one she was ashamed of but she could not help but feel a spark of what felt like hope in her chest.

Slamming her book shut she stood abruptly and looked to Anya (who had clearly been watching her). “I’m going to go check on Titus. He’s probably freaking out over the fact that I’ve been gone for a whole day. If I don’t check in with him soon he’ll probably alert the whole guard.”

“Knowing that man he just might.” Anya stood up, casting aside her paperwork. “I’ll join you.” They stood up and had just made it around the couches when several things happened in quick succession. A low boom rumbled throughout the room, making them look at each other.

“What the hell?” Clarke stood up, book forgotten. She met her eyes, looking troubled. “Lexa, what was that?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I have no idea what that could have been from.”

“It sounded like it was coming from outside.” Monty said, getting up as well.

Lexa watched as Clarke crossed to the window, where some of the other people at the tables had gathered. “Do you see anything?” She called, looking around the room again. Had it been from within the tower?

Clarke inhaled sharply and looked at her. “There’s flames coming from the forest.” She said sharply. “And a lot of smoke. Where did Lyra say she was going to be at again?”

Before any of them could respond, or even react to this new information, one of the people at the window turned away and to Clarke.

Lexa was the only one watching and so she was the only one to notice. She opened her mouth to warn her that maybe the person should back up unless they wanted to get a broken jaw from the sky Chancellor. But she was cut off as suddenly the person lunged forwards and before anyone knew it, had a knife pressed right to Clarke’s neck.

“If any of you move.” The man hissed. “I will slit her throat.”

Clarke stared at Lexa, eyes wide with shock and alarm. _What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weron yu nomon en nontu - Where are your mother and father  
> Der yu ste - There you are  
> Ai moba - I'm sorry  
> Em na ste klir - She should stay safe  
> Yu beda teik shou yu gon em we nodotaim - You should make sure you do not leave her again


	8. Announcement

Hey everyone! Hope all is well for you guys and I'm very sorry I haven't updated for some time (not the first time lol). 

Just wanted to let everybody know that I'm nearing exams and everything is very stressful for me with trying to juggle studying, as well as mental health and other things. For these reasons, I'm taking a step back from writing to focus on my schoolwork as well as just to take a little break. Once my exams are over I'll probably come back so expect another chapter around early to mid February :)


	9. Those Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke dances with death. Lexa takes action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: blood description, torture (shock lashing), violence, killings, drowning.
> 
> I'm back! Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciated it (and I passed all my exams). Anyways, buckle yourself in, we're in for a bit of a ride as we move into the end of the story.

**Clarke**

Of course someone was trying to assassinate her. Because why the hell not? But did they really have to pick now to make their move? She would have left soon enough anyways and whoever it was must have a hell of a lot of courage if they were going to try and carry this out right in front of the Commander.

Even as she held up her hands she felt another boom rattle in the tower. This one sounded closer. Her eyes slid toward the window and she could just barely make out more flames billowing up from a different part of the forest. 

“-we’re going to go very calmly out of the tower, got that?” A harsh shake made her realize that it was her attacker talking to her.

“Right.” She returned her gaze to the window, squinting. If she could just see an inch farther she would be able to see what the damage was.

“You have made a grave mistake trying to capture _Wanheda_ in front of _Heda_.” Anya snarled, drawing her sword. “She will flay you alive for this betrayal.”

“It’s not a betrayal!” The blade dug uncomfortably deep into her skin and Clarke sucked in a breath, leaning backwards slightly. She was almost there. “We are righting what’s wrong. She does not belong here on the ground. _Wanheda’s_ spirit made the wrong choice when it chose her. We are taking what is ours.”

She rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it. Straining her eyes further to the window she resisted the urge to laugh. If only it were that easy to die. If it was she would’ve been dead as soon as she wandered off to the woods after killing three hundred people.

Octavia, Thalia, and Lincoln all drew their own swords, looking equally furious. Clarke made eye contact with Octavia and glared at her. She had drilled what the reaction should be if this were to ever happen, into her head over and over. Now it was time to see if she would actually listen to that.

When Octavia lowered her sword and edged in front of Thalia, shielding her, she let out a silent sigh of relief. The future chancellor was protected, now it was up to herself to get out of this mess. Judging by the way the man was standing, stiffly with the knife at an awkward angle, it wouldn’t be too hard.

But before she could do anything another boom rattled the floor and she tensed up. That was more than three explosions now. Whoever it was was clearly set on inflicting as much damage as possible. Or to create a distraction. Although for what she had no idea. 

Her attacker, who was already tense and scared, mistook her worry for preparation to escape because all of a sudden he was digging the blade of the knife into her skin while shoving her forwards. Blood welled up and ran down her neck and she let out a small hiss of pain as she tripped and the blade cut deeper.

Tipping forwards she ended up half crouching half standing. Her bad leg was taking the brunt of her weight as she used all of the strength in her arm to keep the blade from severing her artery. 

The others reacted immediately. Octavia grabbed Thalia in her arms and backed up while Lincoln and Anya snarled and took steps forward. Lexa looked _murderous_. Gone was the softer person who had played in the snow with them. This was all the Commander and she would clearly not hesitate to kill any of them.

Perhaps some of the attackers sensed how bad this might become for them because two of them panicked and threw down their weapons, running from the room. Clarke watched them go with some interest. By now, Lexa’s guards should have come in, hearing the disturbance and wanting to check on their leader. But there was no sign of them and her heart sank as she realized they were most likely dead.

Swallowing thickly, she turned her attention back to her attackers. The easiest way to get out of this would be through speed and strength. Her main danger was the lookout standing near the door. He was holding a bow and arrow and it was clear from the way he never lifted his gaze from her face that if she even made a move to fight back, he would shoot her.

Which left her in a bit of a pickle.

She was contemplating just faking passing out when the next explosion went off. This time however, it wasn’t out in the forest, it felt like it had been right under them. The floors shook, throwing them all off balance. Clarke felt the blade loosen slightly against her neck and leapt at the opportunity immediately.

Grabbing the blade in her palm, she spun around and thrust it forwards, smashing her fist into her attackers nose. Following her momentum she crashed down behind the tables and out of arrows reach. Even as she did so, she heard an arrow go hissing over her, where it sank into another assailants knee. The guy let out a scream and dropped, clutching at the wound.

Shoving him into the nearest guy she dropped to the ground and grabbed the knife hidden at her waist. Slamming it into the nearest attackers throat she slashed downwards, sending blood everywhere.

As soon as everyone saw the blood splattering out onto the stones everything dissolved into chaos. Kane grabbed Monty, Harper, and Raven and tackled them to the floor while Anya tried to drag Lexa and Thalia back.

Meanwhile, four of the attackers went straight for Clarke while the last two panicked and ran after the others who had already deserted. She didn’t hesitate to fight the remaining four, in fact she felt a thrill of excitement go through her as she drew two more knives before they attacked her.

“Don’t ever come near my people again!” She warned, grappling with two of them at the same time. She stabbed the knife into someone’s thigh before punching the other in the throat. “I’m letting you off easy because I don’t want them to see this but if you ever, ever come near them again I will _destroy_ you.”

The men quickly realized just how much of a mistake she had made when she sent a knife spinning in a perfect throw into one of the fleeing men’s back.

Lincoln surged into the fight beside her, and together they proceeded to annihilate each and every one of them. Lincoln was mostly using a knockout method and tried to do as little damage as he could. But Clarke was vicious. She aimed to kill with each of her opponents, inflicting as much hurt as she could. By the time she tackled the archer by the door, blood was spattered across her face and running down her arms.

Drawing out yet another dagger that she had hidden in her boot, she placed it at his throat and dragged him across the room to a stop right in front of Thalia. Meeting her gaze, she gestured to him. “Recognize him?”

Thalia’s eyes went wide as she understood what she was asking. Crouching down, she studied the man before reaching for what looked like a small pendant around his wrist. Immediately the man reacted, straining against Clarke’s hold.

“ _Slip daun Skai trash!”_ He snarled.

Thalia recoiled immediately, falling back and trying to get away. It was clear that he was the one who’d threatened to kill her in the hallway.

Clarke yanked him backwards as soon as she saw Thalia move. Dragging him to a nearby table she raised her knife and drove it straight down through his hand into the wood beneath him. He screamed and convulsed, instinctively trying to yank his hand away.

“Listen here.” She growled, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her. “I’m going to give you a warning that you better listen too. You tried to kill my second earlier because you thought she was me. If you ever lay a hand on her again or even look in her direction I will take this knife and use it to cut you open all the way from you throat to your feet and make you watch as I feed your insides to the fucking _wolves_!” She held up another knife and leaned in close. “Is that clear?”

Her attacker whimpered and turned his head away, terrified of her.

She slammed the knife down into his other hand, pinning him. “I said. Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes.” He nodded frantically, tears of pain running down his face. “I understand. Please, have mercy.”

She regarded him coldly before getting up and turning away. The others all had looks of shock, disgust, and concern on their faces yet she was interested in only one.

“Are you alright?” She asked Thalia softly, like she didn’t have blood spattered across her face like some macabre type of paint.

“I’m fine.” Thalia managed a shaky smile and took her hand, squeezing it. “I promise.” Releasing her hand she stepped around her and took a deep breath, heading back for the pinned man. Crouching down beside him she said something to him that Clarke couldn’t quite make out.

Getting the hint, she turned to Octavia and scanned her for injury. When none was found she let out a sigh of relief and rubbed at her face.

Octavia grimaced, watching as she just smeared the blood around instead of removing it.

“You might need a rag for that.”

“Yeah.” Clarke abandoned the effort and reached for the nearest chair, propping herself upright as fiery pain shot through her leg. With trembling fingers she felt along the healing knife wound and let out a low groan as the simple contact magnified the pain by ten.

“Careful there.” Octavia appeared at her side looking worried. “Did you rip it back open?”

“No I don’t think so.” Clarke winced as she tried to stand back up again. “Just hurts like the devil.”

It was around this time that Raven came to her sense. Storming over to the Chancellor, the mechanic glared at her furiously.

“What the actual _fuck_ Clarke?! What was that?! Do you just murder people like this for fun now?!” She was so mad she was probably seconds away from slapping her.

Clarke flinched. Immediately the regret started rushing in, mixed with horror and shock as she realized what she’d just done. She’d murdered all these people over a stupid threat. She’d let the rage overwhelm her until she couldn’t even think about anything other forcing her enemy down and showing them who was in charge. Cold terror slammed into her so hard she choked.

_Pike looked bored as he raised the shock baton and brought it down on her back. She screamed at the sting and collapsed to her knees. Sobs rippled through her and she felt the blood on her tongue from where she’d bit her cheek._

_“Please…don’t make me do this.” She begged, trembling._

_“Are you saying you want to revoke our deal miss Griffin?” Pike asked lazily. “You want to watch as I kill each and every one of your friends in front of your eyes?”_

_“No! Please, no.” With trembling hands she picked the gun up in front of her and pulled the safety off, sobbing the whole time. Despite the lashes on her back she somehow managed to stand. Ignoring the pleased look in Pike’s eyes she glanced down at the gun and then at the man in front of her. When he saw her look at him he knew what was going through her mind. Immediately he threw himself against the ties holding him down, begging as best he could through the gag._

_“I’m so sorry.” Clarke whispered, raising the gun and taking aim. Feeling Pike’s gaze on her she pulled the trigger. When one of the nearby guards announced the man dead she felt her heart crack into pieces even as she made sure her expression was unreadable._

She’d let the monster out. She had been too relaxed and in doing so, _Wanheda_ had slipped out again and slaughtered all these men. It was all her fault.

_Yes,_ her thoughts began to pick up again, _but you loved the feel of it didn’t you? The blood underneath your fingers and watching everyone realize just how powerful you are?_ A blinding headache made itself known and she pressed her hands to her head, doubling over.

“Shut up.” She whispered. “You’re just a voice in my head.” She frantically tried to remember what Niylah told her but before she could try anything, a voice interrupted.

“You can never run away _Wanheda_.” The would-be attacker hissed, still furious despite the knives going through both hands. Thalia looked surprised as she looked at him, clearly not expecting another threat so soon. 

Clarke stared at him before turning right around and going to grab her cloak from the couch. Ignoring everyone else, she walked right out the door, feeling like there was a heavy crushing weight in her chest.

She’d barely gotten down the hallway when she heard the door wrench open.

“Clarke. Come back.” It was Lexa’s voice, not the Commander’s. Clarke kept on walking. She needed to get down to the ground and she needed to find out what the hell had caused those explosions.

“Clarke!” Lexa grabbed her by the elbow and swung her around. Immediately she drew back, yanking her arm out of her grip.

“Don’t touch me.” She warned her, rubbing her arms.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa really did look apologetic. “But I need you to-”

Another explosion rocked the building and Clarke stumbled, going down on one knee. Before she could regain her balance, Lexa was at her side, wrapping her arms around her. Closing her eyes, Clarke gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to scream as she felt fear run through her. If the tower were to collapse, then it would be a very long way to the ground.

The explosion seemed to last longer than the others and Lexa hold on her tightened as they heard something crash down the hall. At some point she realized that Lexa was mumbling something in Trigedasleng by her ear. She caught what sounded like pleading and clenched her hands.

When the sounds and shaking finally stopped Lexa released her and she fell back onto her heels. They were both coughing hard on the dust, unable to see much in the hazy corridor. Staggering upright, Clarke took ahold of Lexa’s arm again and helped her to her feet. Together they stumbled over to the nearest window where the air was a little clearer. Clarke squeezed her eyes closed again, trembling from head to toe. This was way too much to be dealing with right now.

This time when Lexa touched her arm, she didn’t draw away. Instead she leaned forwards and put her forehead on her shoulder, still trying to breathe properly. All of Lexa seemed to tense up at the move but she awkwardly lifted her arm in a sort of half hug. It wasn’t much but it was the comforting touch that she needed to calm down.

“ _Yu laik klir nau Klark._ ” She murmured quietly.

“What caused those explosions?” Clarke managed to get out. Lifting her head she met her gaze, worried. “Why would they attack now?”

“I wish I could tell you the reason.” Lexa whispered, looking out towards the fires burning in and around Polis. She followed her gaze and saw the enormous plumes of fire and smoke rising from the forest. Where Lyra was.

“Shit.” Clarke ripped herself out of Lexa’s arms so fast she tripped and nearly fell. She’d forgotten all about the reason she was trying to leave in the first place. “I need to go.” She said quickly. “I need to see those explosion sites and figure out where Lyra is and if she’s alright.” Without another word she took off running down the stairs. Lexa yelled her name behind her but she ignored it (and the pain in her leg). She couldn’t let any more people die because of her.

Running down the first fifteen flights of stairs was easy. After that though, the pain started to kick in and she went slower. By the time she reached the bottom of the tower she was fairly sure that if she didn’t get off her leg soon it would give out.

Pushing open the doors of the tower, she stumbled out into the night. And stopped right in her tracks. One of the explosions must have been in the buildings by the tower because rubble was everywhere. People were shouting and yelling, trying to extinguish the fires that threatened to spread outwards.

“ _Wanheda_!” A familiar voice shouted. When she turned she saw Satoka standing near a group of _Azgeda_ warriors. “We’re going out to search the nearby villages and assess the damage. Want to come?”

She hesitated and glanced over her shoulder. Thalia would be safe, she’d have Octavia and Lincoln to protect her and the rest of the group would be safe with them. Turning back to Satoka she nodded and hurried for the stables to get Selene. The black horse was nervously pacing in her stable when she got there and she nudged her nose hard into her shoulder.

“I know.” She whispered, throwing the saddle over her back. “It scared me too.”

Cinching the girth and making sure the bridle was on securely she wasted no time in getting in the saddle. To her relief, Selene didn’t shy or spook this time, just stood stock-still and waited for directions. Riding out into the courtyard she joined the search party. Satoka seemed preoccupied in her thoughts, barely noticing her when she rode up.

“Lyra will be okay.” Clarke assured, having a good idea of her main point of concern.

Satoka turned in the saddle, shaking her head. “You don’t know that. She could be dead in a ditch somewhere and we wouldn’t know until we found her.”

“She’s not dead.” She said firmly. “There’s no good in predicting the worst until we know what really happened. For all we know she’s just injured somewhere and all we have to do is pick her up and take her to a healer.”

Satoka gave her a long look before looking down at her hands. “I guess you could be right.” She muttered.

“Clarke!”

She cursed and turned around. Thalia stood in the doorway, looking furious. If it wasn’t for the fact that the search party was about to leave Clarke probably would have questioned her about the fresh coat of blood on her hands. But she didn’t, instead she just slid out of the saddle.

“Where are you going?” Thalia asked her, glaring. Behind her Octavia and Lincoln appeared, panting.

“I have to go with them. I have to make sure Lyra’s alright.”

The horn sounded behind her and Satoka called out to her. The party was leaving. Clarke reached out and grabbed Thalia in a fierce hug, burying her face in her hair.

“Stay with Octavia and Lincoln alright? They’ll keep you safe.” She wished she could just bring her along. But it was far too dangerous. Lifting her head, she looked at Octavia who came down to gently take Thalia and start to lead her back to the tower.

“I love you.” She whispered in her ear before letting her go and turning back to her horse. Mounting, she took ahold of the reigns and urged Selene after Satoka. When she glanced back, they were out of view and Thalia was gone.

**Lexa**

There were too many damn stairs. It also didn’t help that Anya was yanking on her arm and trying to get her to stop.

“You’re bleeding.” Her mentor said. “Please just let me look at it!”

“Let go of me!” Lexa snapped, swiping at her eyebrow where a cut was streaming blood into her eye. She sped up, jumping down the stairs two at a time. She’d seen the way that Clarke had been moving on her leg. She was hurt.

There was a clattering behind them and then Anya yanked Lexa to the side as Thalia came tearing past at a breakneck speed. Ten seconds later and Octavia and Lincoln came hurrying past moving after the girl.

Lexa gritted her teeth at the sight of Clarke’s second. Initially she hadn’t been able to see what might have inspired Clarke to take her under her wing, thinking that she might be just trying to give her additional training. Then she’d watched as she slit a mans throat simply because he had said something that upset her mentor. Not that she wouldn’t have done something like that, but the girl seemed quite young and quite unfazed by what she’d just done.

Ripping her arm out of Anya’s grip she followed Octavia and Lincoln, not caring what it looked like for her to be seen running after _Skaikru_. She needed to know if Clarke was alright.

But she was too late, when she burst out of the doors looking around wildly she spotted a familiar blonde braid disappearing down the street. Quickly turning to her guards she gestured after her.

“Go with her! Make sure she is safe!”

“ _Sha Heda_.” The guards shot off towards the stable and Lexa would have followed them herself had Anya not caught up with her.

“No! You have to stay here! Our people need you!” She grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. “Pull yourself together Lexa! Clarke can take care of herself alright?”

She stared at her for a moment before nodding slowly and Anya let out a relieved sigh. A moment later, and Lexa was closing herself off and going into full Commander mode. Ordering the other groups of guards to start investigating the damage, she called for backups to be sent to the surrounding villages and aid to be sent to the explosions within the city.

She was so absorbed in her task she barely noticed the smoke pouring off of the tower and the way that people were spilling out it, looking freaked out. When at last Anya pointed it out she felt dread settle over herself.

“Get everyone out of there.” She said immediately. “Clear everyone out of the surrounding buildings. If the tower collapses, I want everyone to be as far away as possible.”

It was pure chaos and everywhere she looked, guards and leaders of clans led their people as far away as possible. Screams and panicked yells filled the air and she was having trouble hearing her thoughts.

She had just sent the newest crop of healers to the nearest explosion sight when finally she heard the whispering of the Commanders in her mind.

_Get the injured into the main training area,_ Hala urged her. _Rally the warriors so that Polis is protected. Get out of the city._

“Where have you been?” Lexa whispered fiercely, signaling for Roan, Metias, Isaac and Katia to join her.

She relayed Hala’s instructions to them and watched as they scattered, disappearing into the crowd. Letting out a sharp breath she went looking for her horse. The person who had set off the bombs was at large. It was as Hala had ordered, she needed to get as far away from Polis as possible if her people were to remain safe.

But that plan fell apart before it could even start. Another explosion sounded and the small semblance of order she’d managed to create, disintegrated before her eyes. Screams erupted and everyone scattered, running for shelter. The nearest guard, grabbed her arm and dragged her back to the shelter of the tower. The other guards quickly surrounded her, clutching their swords and spears nervously.

Her ears were ringing as she pressed herself as far into the shadows as she could. For ten minutes, they stayed frozen, waiting for the next explosion to hit somewhere. The longer Lexa stayed put though, the angrier she became. Polis was not a hub for just warriors and leaders, it was filled with traders and merchants, parents and their children, elders and retired warriors. It was supposed to be safe.

She gritted her teeth as somewhere a baby cried. When she found whoever had done this, she was going to fucking tear. Them. Apart. Whichever clan had dealt out this horror would be severely punished and she would make sure that they were an example for anyone who tried to mess with her peace.

She was so caught up in her anger that she nearly missed the black horse charging out of the smoke towards them. Selene was covered in scratches and lather and her sides were heaving. But the detail that Lexa keyed in on most was the fact that her saddle was empty.

Octavia, who had been huddled with Lincoln nearby, spotted her and her jaw dropped. In an instant she was approaching the frightened animal and gently coaxing her to stand still long enough that she could grab her reigns.

“What happened?” Lexa snapped, leaving her shelter. “Where is Clarke?”

“I don’t know.” Octavia said helplessly. “She looks like she’s been running for quite some time. But theses scratches…Clarke would never knowingly put her in harms way like that.” She hesitated for a moment, looking at Lincoln.

“What? What aren’t you saying?”

“There’s a command Clarke taught her. If there was any trouble or anything, she would send her away. She made sure that Selene knew she should leave if things were going sideways.” Octavia looked shaken up. “But she’s never used that command before.”

Lexa was already heading for her horse. There was nothing else to hear. She didn’t give one single fuck about the fact that Anya and Titus would be furious. She was supposed to be getting out of the city anyways, might as well do it faster.

The guards surrounded her as she mounted her horse, and she was urging her horse forwards a second later. The entire ride through Polis she was making up and discarding what had happened to Clarke. Each scenario was worse than the last and a sense of dread was settling over her, the same as when she’d found a box by her bed six years ago.

_No,_ she shook her head. She was not losing someone else. She could not. Not again.

**Clarke**

**1 hour earlier**

The sight when they reached the first village was horrific. Whatever had caused the explosion had been so powerful that it had reduced the houses to rubble and created a small crater in the middle of the village.

Even the hardened warriors around her were silent as they picked through the damage, trying to find survivors.

Satoka seemed to be the most affected. She was pale and tense as they helped with the rescue. Clarke got the distinct feeling that the more time that went by with no sign of Lyra, the more anxious the _Azgeda_ ambassador got.

She was in the midst of tending to a group of injured villagers when she finally heard it. Lyra’s voice, yelling by the sound of it. Making sure that everyones bandages were in place she got to her feet and hurried over. It was coming from a ravine they had yet to check. When she reached it, two people were staggering up out of it. Relief flooded over her when she recognized one of them as Lyra.

“You could have hurt someone with your recklessness! Where is your teacher?”

The young warrior in front of her trembled and scurried off, fearing his leader’s wrath.

“Is everything alright?” Clarke asked, taking her arm and helping her over to a fallen log.

“No everything is not alright because that second right there wasn’t watching his footing and now there’s a mudslide trapping some of my best warriors down in the ravine. Why are you here?”

The clipped tone made her wince yet she remained calm. “There were explosions in Polis too. I had to make sure that you were alright.” She looked down into the ravine and was just able to make out a few shapes that could only be Lyra’s warriors.

“Lyra!” Satoka came storming over. Grabbing the leader by her arms she inspected her for injuries and when she saw the cuts and bruises on her face she looked furious.

Releasing her she turned to Clarke. “Who did this?”

“I know just as much as you do about who set these explosions.” She responded firmly.

Satoka scowled fiercely and turned away. With careful hands she felt around the worst of the cuts while talking to Lyra in a voice too quiet for Clarke to hear. She didn’t mind. Their relationship wasn’t any of her business after all.

Signaling the nearest group of warriors to come over, she surveyed the mess in the ravine. It was bad. They seemed to be badly bogged down in the muck and the darkness out would make it hard to see what exactly was going on, adding onto the danger of going down the steep hillside.

She began picking her way down the side of the ravine, careful to undo her cloak in case it caught on anything. Tucking it over a nearby tree branch she took a careful step forwards and immediately slipped in the snow. Skidding forwards she awkwardly grabbed at the nearest tree and hung on with all her strength.

“Take it a little slower next time Griffin.” She muttered, turning back to the group of warriors above her. “Search the other side for an easier route down! This way might be too steep!” They nodded and jogged off into the darkness, leaving her alone.

Going even slower, she continued down the ravine. She was almost all the way down when another explosion shattered the relative quiet. Her foot hit a patch of snow and mud and immediately she went down, falling so fast that she couldn’t even grab onto something else. Careening forwards she fell down the hill banging into roots and rocks.

When she finally hit level ground, she lay stunned for a moment before trying to drag herself upright. She had just propped herself up against a stump when she realized that the firelight from the searchers above her had extinguished and the only light she had was coming from the moon above her.

“Lyra?” She called out, fear rising up in her throat. There was no response. Scrambling to her feet she looked around wildly, searching for a better way back up.

A branch snapped behind her. She whipped around, sword drawn. Surveying the darkness around her she tried to pinpoint where exactly it was that the sound had been. Another branch snapped off to her left and she scowled.

“Who’s there?” She called, scrambling backwards up the first couple of feet of the hill. There was no response and for a moment she hesitated. Lyra and the others needed her up there but if there was an attacker down here and she didn’t confront them…

_It’s just in your head,_ she thought, _you haven’t been sleeping and you’re in pain and shock. Go get the others and save the warriors._

_No,_ she frowned and shook her head, _I have to make sure that there’s not a threat._ Making up her mind she gripped her sword better and jumped back down into the bottom of the ravine.

As soon as her feet hit the ground, pain more intense than anything before erupted in her head. She doubled over and vomited, groaning in pain. Her entire body felt weak and a moment later she was collapsing onto the ground, unconscious.

_“Get up!” Pike’s voice snarled as he shined a bright light into her eyes. Somewhere off to the side she could hear the sloshing of water as some of his guards began to fill up the large metal tub in the corner. The knowledge of what was to come weighed her down and brought exhausted tears to her eyes._

_“I can’t.” She gasped. She was so so tired. Her limbs felt like they were filled with rocks and her head hurt. Cuts and bruises covered her body and there was a sharp aching on the back of her neck from her newest torture mark._

_“Clarke.” A gentle voice in her ear made her look over in surprise. A woman she’d never seen before was crouched by her side looking concerned. “You gotta get up.” She said softly._

_“Who are you?” She asked her, struggling to keep her eyes open. She made out the faint outline of what looked like soft red material strewn over her arms. “Have you come to take me away?”_

_The woman shook her head, looking sorrowful. “I wish I could strikon but some things are out of my control.” She looked at something over her head before speaking again. “You can call me Izzie.”_

_“Izzie.” Clarke repeated. “I’m Clarke.”_

_“I know.” Izzie whispered. “I need you to think of Thalia now Clarke. You can’t leave her alone, not yet.” She looked sad. “She needs you now more than ever.”_

_Clarke closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of the quiet, injured girl waiting with Niylah back in her room. Gathering her resolve, she managed to roll over onto her stomach and shove herself shakily into a sitting position. When she opened her eyes again, the woman was gone and Pike’s baton was humming with electricity._

“No!” She woke up with a start, “I’m not dying here.”

There was a scoff right next to her ear and she screamed, flinching sideways. Someone was right next to her in the woods. She dragged herself away as fast as she could before her back hit a tree and she was stopped. Rooted to the spot in terror, she watched as a dark shadowy figure stood up and advanced towards her.

A gun fired. She didn’t even register the fact that she might have just gotten shot, just sat there in shock. Her entire body was locked as she tried to get her body to catch up with her brain that there was a very hostile someone in the woods with her.

The person moved before she could. They grabbed her by her shoulder, right where she was realizing a bullet wound was. She cried out, still too out of it to remember any of her training or to try and fight back.

It was way too dark out. She thrashed around, twisting her head around as she tried to catch some sort of light source. Something that would tell her that she wasn’t in the Dark Room. Wrenching her head around she 

The dragging stopped and she abruptly found herself being dragged into an upright position with a blade to her throat. In front of her glowed the lights of Polis and she swallowed back a cry of dismay when she saw the plumes of smoke and the flames reaching towards the sky.

“ _Dis laik trip yu op.”_ A low voice growled in her ear. Despite the Trigedasleng though, she could pick out the garbled flat tones in it, suggesting that they weren’t a native speaker. She’d only ever known of one clan that didn’t primarily speak Trig and she was a part of it.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about _Skaikru_.” She snapped back with a perfect accent. “You should practice what you’re going to say next time. Even a child could understand you’re from the sky.”

Wrong answer. A foot hit between her shoulder blades and she pitched forwards falling down yet another hill. Except this time when she hit level ground it wasn’t on a squishy mess of mud and snow, this time it was on a hard slick surface that had her slipping as soon as she tried to get up.

She managed to stand back up only to quickly go backwards when a gunshot fired nearby her. Staying low on the ground she squinted, trying to see more details of the person above her but they were standing in the shadow.

When she glanced down she realized it was ice she was laying on and a bolt of panic went through her. When she looked around she was greeted by the sight of ice stretching way out into the distance. She was laying on a huge lake, with only a thin layer of ice between her and the freezing water.

Looking back up she spotted the silhouette of someone standing above her, back on safe ground. The moonlight glanced off of the metal barrel of a gun and she went still when she saw it point in her direction.

_Who has a gun out here?_ The only guns that weren’t currently locked up were either with her, the guards at Arkadia, or the ones in Polis. At least that was what was supposed to have happened. _Did one of Pike’s men stay out of jail?_ At that thought the feeling of dread grew. If that was the case then it wasn’t just her in danger. It was Thalia and Octavia and everyone else she’d protected from Pike.

She swore internally, resisting the urge to punch the ice. All this time, she’d been sacrificing everything to get the others through Pike’s reign and somewhere safe and as soon as she got there she slipped up and failed. Fury welled through her and she turned her eyes on the figure on the bank, memorizing as many details about them as she could.

Luckily she didn’t have to wait long to figure out what their intentions were with her. Five gunshots rang out in quick succession and she flinched, keeping close to the ice. When she realized they had stopped she sat up and looked in the direction of the bank. The last thing she saw before the ice cracked was the back of the person as they strode back into the forest. Then the ground dropped out from under her and she fell feet first into the freezing water.

**Lexa**

Gunshots. Those were definitely gunshots. She urged her horse faster, cursing how slow Octavia was going in front of her. Clarke was somewhere in these dark woods, her horse was gone and there were gunshots going off. Ahead of her, Selene seemed to be getting nervous, dancing around and tugging at the lead that Lincoln was holding.

“Calm down Selene.” He grunted, tightening his grip and trying to calm her down but the horse remained frantic.

Lexa grit her teeth as another gunshot rang out. The guards around her were only serving to slow them down with the way that they surrounded her, Octavia, and Lincoln. She was sorely tempted to dismiss them even though she knew that they probably wouldn’t listen to her.

She was caught up in her thoughts when Selene reared right up onto her hind legs, yanking the lead out of Lincoln’s hands. She let out a shrill whinny and took off into the forest, disappearing quickly from sight.

“Great.” Octavia sighed. “Now we have to deal with Clarke’s crazy horse as well.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes and abruptly swung her own horse in the direction of where Selene had taken off in.

“Keep up.” She snapped, and promptly followed the path of the black horse into the woods. The others were caught slightly off guard but they followed her well enough. Even though it was quite dark out, the moon was full and the snow reflected the light making the woods lighter and easier to see. Still, even with the extra visibility Lexa was barely able to keep her eyes on Selene.

Titus really had not been joking when he said he had had one of the fastest horses in Polis readied for Clarke to leave on. Selene wasn’t fully trained yet she moved with a swiftness that would have been highly praised among warriors.

Another gunshot went off, except this time it was so close she felt like her eardrums had split. Reigning in, she remained stock still as ahead of her Selene let out a fierce whinny and cannoned forwards with a burst of speed. She heard a shout and then a loud crash as something big and heavy crashed into a tree.

Clarke’s horse had seen something up ahead and judging from the sounds now, she was acting like it was hostile. Which meant that she might have just lead Lexa right to the person responsible for Clarke’s disappearance.

Dropping into the snow, she hastily threw her horse’s reigns around a nearby branch before drawing her sword. Heading towards the place where she had seen Selene disappear, she kept a careful eye out for anyone or anything. Behind her, the others scrambled to do the same.

When they found Selene again, they were treated to the sight of her prancing around a small clearing, ears pinned flat to her neck. A little behind the animal Lexa caught sight of a massive gash going into one of the trees at the edge, clearly the work of sharp hooves.

Glancing around, she frowned, seeing no one. Had one horse attack been enough to drive off an enemy who carried a deadly weapon? Easing around the edge of the clearing she realized how close she was to the edge of one of the lakes ringing around Polis.

Turning to the others she made a circular motion with her hand. “Search the surrounding area for anyone. Be very careful though, we don’t know exactly what the situation is and we need to be prepared.”

They all nodded and split up, Lincoln and Octavia peeling away to search the surrounding trees while the guards went further to search for tracks farther out. Lexa herself started searching theclearing and surrounding banks. After a search of the clearing and finding nothing she turned to the only other spot she hadn’t searched yet. 

On one side of the clearing a steep incline led right to the edge of a great frozen expanse of frozen lake. One misstep and she could very well fall down the slope, smash through the ice, and drown in the frigid waters. It was that thought that made her slow down and re-sheath her sword, freeing up both her hands. Taking ahold of a sturdy looking branch on a tree she carefully started to look over the slopes.

Her suspicions had been correct. Selene had not been able to drive off the other person in her attack. Instead, she had driven them to take cover down the slope where she could not reach. Fortunately for her, Lexa could and she felt a surge of anger at the figure below her.

The person was crouched at the very edge of the ice, looking out at something. He did not appear to hear her or if he did he wasn’t acknowledging her. Whatever he was doing, he was dead set on watching something out on the ice.

Lexa looked out and such fear slammed into her that she stumbled and nearly lost her grip on the tree she was holding onto. Out on the ice was a visible hole, exposing the dark water below. Even in the dark she could make out someone’s head and arms, holding onto the ice and keeping them from slipping into the water.

It all made sense now. The attacker watching, the gunshots, and Selene’s fury. Someone must have pushed Clarke out onto the lake where a few bullets were more than enough to break the ice beneath her.

She turned back to the person at the side of the lake only to duck as something came spinning towards her. When she straightened up they were scrambling wildly up the slope and before she could advance even a meter, they had disappeared into the forest.

Startling, she spun around and drew her sword, giving chase. But they’d caught her off guard and she wasn’t prepared at all to catch them. Slowing down, she listened as hard as she could for any evidence that the person had encountered one of her guards. There was nothing but silence.

“Fuck.” She quickly sheathed her sword and ran straight back the way she’d came. When she burst into the clearing, Octavia and Lincoln were standing on the edge of the slope looking down. It was clear from the horror on their faces that they had spotted Clarke. Lexa shouldered past them and made her way down the slope to where they had been standing and looked out.

“Clarke?” She called hesitantly. For a few heart wrenching moments, there was no response and thoughts of Clarke’s lifeless body sinking down where it would never be found, swirled throughout her mind.

Then she heard an all too familiar voice answering her call.

“Lexa?”

**Clarke**

“What are you d-doing here?” She strained to see towards the shore but her position ensured that she wouldn’t be able to see anybody on the shore.

“I’m here to find you.” Came the reply. “Your horse turned up in Polis and everyone was worried.”

She had to smile at that. Figures that Selene would head back for Polis as soon as her owner was gone. She was the best horse she could have possible hoped for.

“I-is Thalia okay?” She asked, trying to get a better grip on the ice. It somewhat worked, even as her body settled a little lower into the water. “She stayed with Octavia and Lincoln r-right?”

“She’s safe in Polis.” Lexa answered her guardedly. “I made sure she didn’t follow us when we left.”

“Good.” She rested her head on the ice and tried not to panic at the numbness that was beginning to creep up her legs. From where she lay, she was awkwardly tilted so her right shoulder and arm were out of the water and holding onto the ice. Her other hand was gripping the edge of the hole and she could feel the water sloshing over her left shoulder and down her neck. It reminded her badly of the water Pike used on her.

“Clarke?” Lexa said hesitantly. “You still there?”

Clarke nodded even though she knew the other woman couldn’t see her. “I’m f-fine.” She managed to get out between chattering teeth. Not a good sign. She’d been in the water for too long and if she didn’t get out then her muscles would lock up and she wouldn’t be able to hold on or she’d die from the cold. Probably the latter. It was bitterly cold out tonight.

“It’s just a little while longer.” Lexa called anxiously. She sounded fainter, like she was leaving. “We’ll be down there in no time and we’ll get you out.”

Clarke forced out a chuckle from between frozen lips. “D-don’t worry Commander. I’ve f-faced far w-worse than t-this.” She tried once again to lift herself up onto the ice but it creaked warningly beneath her hands and she had to abandon the effort, sinking a little lower into the water.

Resting her cheek on the cheek on the ice she listened to the sounds of raised voices in the distance. Her feet and legs were completely numb now. Strands of hair were frozen to her cheeks and maybe she was imagining it but her fingers were starting to look blue.

“Clarke.”

Raising her head she caught a blurry glimpse of dark clothing and brilliant red. Someone was walking towards her across the ice.

“Lexa?” She whispered hopefully.

There was a soft laugh, and a woman knelt down before her, looking amused. It was then that Clarke realized her hair was a deep red and her eyes, while green, were not the shade of green she’d come to know so well. It was Izzie, the woman from the Dark Room.

“I’m not the one you love.” Izzie said, almost as if she’d read her mind. “But don’t worry. The others are working to get a rope and onto the ice as we speak. You will be rescued soon.”

Clarke nodded tiredly and felt her fingers slip a little on the ice. Looks like her muscles would fail her first then. “Why aren’t you h-helping me?” She asked pointedly, words slurring together. “You’ve done it before right? In the D-dark Room?”

The woman gave her a concerned look. “You’ve been in the water for too long.” She said, ignoring her question. Leaning forwards she pressed her lips to her forehead. “Just hold on a little bit longer Clarke and you’ll be okay.” Getting to her feet she walked past her out towards the middle of the lake and vanishing from her sight.

Clarke wanted to call after her and beg her to stay. But her teeth were chattering too hard for words to get past and her eyelids were growing heavy. She could faintly see yellow lights in the trees from what must be lit torches. Or maybe she was hallucinating again. She wouldn’t be surprised if she was.

Something behind her, scraped at the ice but she barely registered it. She was so so tired of holding on. Of pretending that she was okay or that she wasn’t in pain or she knew what she was doing. She hadn’t asked to be a leader and yet here she was. She hoped that Thalia, Lexa, Octavia, Niylah, and Lincoln were going to be alright. If they were then she could go in peace.

Snowflakes swirled down, sticking to her eyelashes and making it even harder for her to see. Looks like the storm that the guard had predicted a couple days ago was coming true. She felt a deep shudder run through her and knew that it wasn’t looking good. She couldn’t feel the cold anymore, just a warm feeling deep in her limbs. The anger that usually kept her hot, was muted now as if it was trying to save itself. She appreciated that. 

Her fingers were already numb and stiff; she was basically hanging on by her fingernails. So it came as no surprise to her when her fingers slipped and she immediately slid backwards, straight into the water. For a moment she tried. Tried to kick out, or yell. But her limbs were locked up and her voice wouldn’t work. So she took a deep breath and closed her eyes as finally she sank all the way, the water closing over her head gently as it welcomed her into its quiet depths.

**Lexa**

They went out onto the ice. The guards were anxiously pacing back on land, a thick rope in their hands. It was clear that if it were up to them they would drag her off the ice, and abandon Octavia and Lincoln to try and save Clarke on their own.

Gritting her teeth she dragged herself forwards another inch, sweat running down her back. Behind her, Octavia sounded like she was crying. Lexa ignored her and concentrated on not looking down at the ice below her.

She was sprawled out on her stomach on the ice, precariously dragging herself forwards with only a rope around her to keep her safe. Lincoln waited with the guards back on shore while Octavia accompanied Lexa to haul Clarke back up.

Moving forwards another inch, she wiped her face off. Clarke was so close to her, maybe only seven feet away. But something was clearly wrong. Lexa couldn’t even tell if she was breathing at this point. If she was risking her life and her coalition to retrieve the body of a _Skaikru_ leader.

_No,_ she told herself, inching closer. _She is not dead, stop telling yourself she is dead._

The ice creaked ominously beneath her and she forced herself to slow down as she reached out an arm. The tips of her fingers brushed Clarke’s shoulder and she exhaled in relief. Carefully bringing her other arm around she stretched them out so she was touching Clarke’s shoulder and upper arm.

A high cracking noise was the only warning she got before the ice she was resting on broke and her entire upper body fell forwards. Only her fast reflexes and Octavia’s tight hold on her ankles kept her from dropping Clarke into the water.

“Lexa?!” Octavia yelled frantically as she squirmed around, trying to get a tighter hold on Clarke’s shoulders. “LEXA!”

“One. Moment.” She grunted, ignoring the freezing water seeping into her clothing and skin. Grabbing a fistful of something she heaved upwards, using all of her abdominal strength to get Clarke’s nose and mouth out of the water.

“Pull me back now!” She yelled, accidentally inhaling a bit of water. Coughing, she felt the rope around her waist jerk as both the guards and Octavia worked to drag the two of them off the ice and back towards shore.

The ice continued to break around them as too much weight hit weak parts. Twice Lexa nearly fell through when she tried to lift herself up on one arm. Allowing herself to go limp, she closed her eyes and concentrated on keeping her fingers holding tightly to Clarke’s shirt.

After what felt like ages she heard the scrambling of feet and then the guards swept her up off the ice, and immediately charging back up the slope to the pile of wood they’d made earlier.

“Put her down!” Octavia yelled, struggling over the ridge. She cast off the last of the rope and gestured to the fire. “We have to get her warm now!”

The guards set about lighting the fire while Lexa went straight to Clarke’s body, shivering like mad. She felt like someone had infused ice into her bones and her breath came in harsh gasps.

Reaching out a couple of fingers she tried to feel for a pulse. Her fingers slipped and she couldn’t even hold her arm steady long enough to try and feel for a pulse.

“Octavia!” She called, hating herself. “I need you to feel if there’s has a pulse!”

Octavia appeared at her side, looking ashen. Reaching out two fingers she felt along her neck. For a long moment Lexa waited and watched impatiently. Then Octavia let out a sob and flinched away like she’d been burned.

“There’s nothing.” She choked out in between massive sobs.

“Move!” Lexa shoved her aside and attempted to feel for a pulse again. “You’re wrong!” She snarled as she struggled. “You didn’t do it right!”

“What’s going on?” Lincoln appeared, panting. He took one look at Octavia’s face and Lexa’s panicked fumbling and knew all he needed. Pushing Lexa away he began to press down on her chest in short quick compressions.

“What are you doing to her?!” Lexa demanded, half tempted to kill him right then and there for shoving her aside. 

“I’m saving her life.” Lincoln shot back. He stopped what he was doing, grabbed Clarke’s chin and opened her mouth, tilting her head back. Lowering his head he placed his mouth over hers, pinched her nose closed and began breathing into her mouth.

Lexa watched, stunned. She had never seen anybody do what Lincoln was doing. Remaining at one side, she watched with bated breath. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was aware of the sudden crackle and roar as her guards finally got the fire lit.

Water began to trickle out of Clarke’s mouth and down her face as Lincoln continued to press down on her chest. Suddenly, she convulsed and immediately Lincoln stopped and rolled her over onto her side letting the water trickle out of her mouth faster.

When Clarke sucked in a shaky gasp, Lexa had to bite her lip hard, to stifle the sob that threatened to come out. Crawling over she looked down at Clarke, willing her to open her eyes. But she remained unconscious, nothing but hard shivering and a quiet inhale and exhale as she breathed, indicating that she was alive.

“We need to get her warm.” Lincoln said quickly. “She’s going to stop breathing again if we don’t get her temperature up.”

Lexa didn’t question him, she just yanked the saddlebags nearer and yanked out the numerous blankets and cloaks packed in. With Lincoln’s help, she managed to drag Clarke closer to the fire and hurriedly threw the blankets onto the ground to create a better place to lay.

Grabbing Clarke’s body she drew her knife and began to cut the shirt off of her. It proved to be quite difficult, as the water in it was already becoming stiff and hard. As soon as her shirt was off, they moved to her pants and boots, stripping her of her outer clothing.

“Take off your clothing too.” Lincoln said as he cut off Clarke’s tank top. “We don’t need you to get hypothermic either.”

Lexa nodded and turned to her guards. “Look all over the woods.” She ordered. “Find who did this and bring them in for questioning.” They nodded and five of them split off towards their horses while two remained for safeguarding.

Satisfied that someone was searching the woods, Lexa yanked her shirt off her head and grabbed a blanket, throwing it around her shoulders.

“Um,” Lincoln looked incredibly awkward. “Shouldn’t you and her be, y’know, together right now?”

She stared at him. “What?”

“Well, you can use your body heat to warm her up and I’m sure you’d need the heat too. It’s only logical.”

Lexa got it a moment later. For a second she debated whether or not to straight out punch Lincoln in the face for his suggestion (although she had to admit that is was actually a good idea).

Throwing down her blanket she tossed it over Clarke and before she could second guess herself she quickly slid under the pile, sliding right up next to her. Awkwardly putting her arms over Clarke she tried not to focus on the skin to skin contact happening and instead on trying to get her as warm as possible.

Even as she rubbed her arms, the blonde didn’t do anything but lay there. The thought of Clarke’s brilliant blue eyes going dim made her flinch and she closed her eyes, gathering her as close to her as possible. _Please wake up,_ she begged quietly. _I don’t care what it takes but just please wake up._

**Clarke**

She came awake slowly. Her body felt thick and heavy and the first thing she noticed were the numerous blankets piled over her. She felt sweat run down her face as she freed her arms and noticed that even the room was stiflingly warm from the fire roaring in the fireplace. She grimaced at that, swinging back the covers and sitting up. Almost immediately she winced and fumbled for her shoulder where a bandage had been wrapped neatly around a wound. Tracing her fingers along it, she carefully peeled up the edge and looked underneath. A bullet hole had been clumsily sewed back together and even as she looked at it, a drop of blood oozed out.

Replacing the bandage she examined the situation further. She was almost naked, only her bra and underwear still on. Her cloak, shirt, and sword were nowhere to be seen. When she looked over to the table by her bed though, she was treated to the sight of her bracelet carefully laid out. Picking it up, she slid it over her wrist and let out a small breath. 

Moving a little slower than usual she got up and padded over to the pile of clothes stacked neatly in one of the dresser drawers. It was only after she’d put on a pair of pants and a shirt that she realized just how banged up she was. The old knife wound on her thigh was throbbing and when she looked in the mirror she spotted numerous bruises and cuts all over her body.

Running her fingers over the largest of cuts she frowned. _What the hell had happened out there?_ She remembered the explosions and leaving Polis but after that it got hazy and unclear. Sighing, she turned around intent on finding her cloak. But after a thorough search of the whole room finding nothing, she ended up pulling on an old jacket instead.

When she walked out, she immediately felt herself relax at the cooler temperature. She took a moment to take it in before heading off to go find Lyra. Throughout her entire journey through the tower she found no guards and no signs of anyone else there. The torches were all lit and when she looked out some of the windows, she could see people moving about but the level of quiet within the walls was unnerving.

As she neared the level she knew _Trishanakru_ was inhabiting she couldn’t help but pick up the pace. Emerging from the stairwell, she felt instant relief to see a set of _Trishanakru_ guards standing along the hallways. They looked surprised to see her but nevertheless let her pass as she headed for Lyra’s room.

When she reached her door she reached for the handle before hesitating and knocking instead. After a moment or two she caught a weak voice calling for her to enter and she opened the door and slipped inside.

It was oddly dark in the room and she had to blink a few times before her eyes adjusted. Looking around she immediately spotted Lyra who was lying beneath the covers of her bed, propped up against a pile of pillows.

“Lyra.” She breathed, feeling relieved. “There you are. Are you okay?”

Lyra looked startled at her presence before a smile broke out on her face and she held out a hand towards her. “Clarke! I was wondering where’d you gone! No one was giving me any answers, not even Satoka. I was starting to think that something bad had happened to you.” She paused as she studied her. “Nothing actually happened to you right?”

Clarke smiled and took her hand, sitting on her bed. “I think I’m supposed to be asking you that. Considering you were the one that was outside of Polis when the explosions went off.”

Lyra waved a hand dismissively. “I was on the outskirts when that one went off. But the second one…” She pulled the covers aside, revealing her leg. Clarke had to restrain a gasp when she saw her right leg. It was covered in bandages and she felt horrified when she noticed they disappeared under her pants leg. Giving her friend a closer look she saw the peek of a bandage just under her shirt collar and halfway down her right arm.

“What happened?” She demanded.

“Oh, I happened to be in front of Satoka when it went off. Thankfully or else she would have been hurt too. But I did catch the brunt of the flames on my right side which means I am now stuck to this bed for at least a week.”

“I’m so sorry Lyra.” She murmured, looking away. “I had no idea this happened to you.”

“It’s okay, the healers say most of the burns will heal quickly, it’s only a few I need to worry about. Besides, you look like you caught a fair share of wounds yourself.” Lyra gave her shoulder a pointed look.

“Not really. Or at least, none that I can easily tell.” Seeing the confusion on her face she elaborated. “I can’t remember what happened. After I rode out of the city it all goes dark.”

“Wait what?” Lyra’s eyes went wide. “You really can’t remember anything?” When she nodded she looked even more shocked. “No wonder the tower’s under so much surveillance.” She said at last. “Aside from the bombs of course. But talk has been circulating that something terrible happened to you. I didn’t believe it of course, but now I can’t help but wonder.”

“What talk?” Clarke asked her promptly.

“Well, my ambassador told me that apparently as they were bringing in the wounded from the village we were at, there was a whole commotion around one of them who was surrounded by _Skaikru_ guards. When you didn’t show up at the meetings last night he made the connection.”

There were so many confusing aspects of that story that Clarke was quiet for a while. Why would there be a flurry around her and not the other more injured ambassadors. There shouldn’t have been one at all unless…

“Did the Commander go out into the forest at all?” She asked, trying to keep her voice calm and measured.

Lyra thought for a moment before nodding. “She was actually. She’s in a meeting right now for that I think. To find out the extent of the damage that was inflicted while she was away. Which might have something to do with the lack of guards but I’m not totally sure.”

“Huh.” Things were falling into place. A commotion over her, waking up covered in blankets, huge meetings. It must have been another attack on her then, if that’s why there had been such a big fuss. Head trauma would certainly explain the distinct lack of memories, although it could be what Octavia and Lincoln feared as well.

Clearing her throat she turned to Lyra with a faint smile. “Do you need anything? A book or some time to yourself?”

Lyra shook her head. “I’d rather just talk to you.” She admitted. “Satoka’s been my only visitor for a while and it’s nice to be able to talk to more than one person.”

“Alright.” Clarke crawled a little further onto the bed, arranging herself into a more comfortable position. She was extremely careful though, not to accidentally bump or jostle Lyra’s leg. There had only been a few burn victims on the Ark but she knew that the amount of pain she must be in right now was high.

Not wanting to depress her with the current situation, she started doing what she did with Thalia when she’d been injured and hurting. She launched into a heavily detailed and rambling story about the Ark. To anyone who’d actually been on the Ark it would have been boring as hell. But Lyra hung onto her every word as she explained how they grew plants and meat and how the engines worked.

After a while she began to feel tired and she shifted so that she was lying on the bed instead of sitting. She talked all the way through safety measures for solar flares and had just started in on explaining the water system when she fell asleep.

Her dreams were odd. One moment she was on the Ark listening as one of her old teachers explained mathematics, and the next she was in her prison cell drawing a scorpion on the wall. The door slammed open and then she was laying on a freezing cold surface staring up at the moon above her while voices swirled around her in a confusing mix of gentle and furious.

She was startled out of her sleep by a loud crashing sound. Even as she sat up and Lyra stirred, footsteps could be heard heading right towards them. “Where is she?!” A familiar voice roared. “Where is Clarke Griffin!”

Scrambling off the bed, she straightened up just as the doors smashed open. Lexa came storming in, looking furious. Behind her Octavia, Anya and Satoka followed. Each of them looked like they’d just come back from battle, with bandages wrapped messily around wounds and dirt and ash covering their tired faces. As soon as Satoka got into the room she made a beeline for the bed while Clarke was promptly frozen to the spot under Lexa’s angry glare.

“What are you doing out of bed?” The Commander snapped.

Despite the knowledge that arguing with the Commander was a monumentally bad idea, she couldn’t help herself. She was tired, confused and hurting from her wounds. She had no idea what Lexa’s deal was but she was done with it. 

“I’m allowed to do what I want to. Last I checked my bedroom was none of your business as was what I do with my wellbeing.” Lexa looked even more furious at that, and if looks could kill she would have been long dead.

“Go back to your room.” She ordered and Clarke gave her the deadliest look she could possibly muster.

“No.” How _dare_ she order her around like that. Her hands clenched and she had to take a few deep breaths in order to stay put.

“I’m not asking.” Lexa warned her.

She angled her body so that she was more in between her and Lyra before replying. “And I’m not joking. I said no.”

Before the other woman could say anything else, Octavia took a tentative step forwards. “What happened to your eyes?” She asked. Lexa’s eyes widened and she immediately looked at Clarke with a more critical eye, checking her for new injuries.

“My eyes?” Clarke repeated irritably. Last she checked they had been fine.

Octavia looked even more worried. “They look darker than usual.” She approached her carefully, studying her eyes carefully. It’s like they’re turning color.”

“That’s not possible.” Clarke snapped at her, tensing as she came closer to her. “Eyes can’t change color on their own.”

“What’s happening?” Lyra asked nervously, glancing between Clarke and Octavia. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Octavia. “That’s what I’d like to know too.”

“Do you have a mirror?” Octavia asked Lyra, frustrated.

She nodded and pointed to the sitting area. “On the table.”

Octavia immediately went over and searched for the mirror. When she found it, she brought it back and thrust it into Clarke’s face. Scowling, the blonde took it and looked at her reflection. Just as she had when she looked at the mirror in her own bedroom, she saw the cuts and bruises on her face. Sighing, she focused on her eyes. They looked the same as they always did, and she said so. Brighter blue near the iris and fading off to a darker blue by the outside.

“No.” Octavia said frustrated. “Look.” She thrust the mirror closer to her face and gestured to the outside of her eye. “It’s dark.”

Clarke sighed, and took a closer look. She saw no difference in her eye. Thoroughly irritated at Octavia’s attempted distraction, she tossed the mirror onto Lyra’s bed and turned on her.

“Enough games.” She snapped. “Where is everyone? What happened when I left Polis and _where_ is Thalia?”

Octavia flinched slightly, looking uncomfortable. “Everyone’s sort of scattered right now. When the explosions happened, they were ordered out of the city and you have to understand that it was going to be chaotic.” She wrung her hands before looking away. “You disappeared so fast we didn’t know what to do. Kane took Raven, Monty and Harper along with the guards and they disappeared off into the woods. Kane and Monty appeared this morning with about five guards but the rest haven’t shown up yet.”

“And Thalia?” Clarke asked, feeling ill. She had the sinking feeling she already knew what Octavia was about to say.

“Well…when we left to go look for you we told her to stay in Polis but when we came back she was missing along with Jasper. We think she may have found him and tried to get him to safety out in the woods. We haven’t found either of them yet.”

Clarke sat down on Lyra’s bed, feeling like she was going to collapse. Absentmindedly running her fingers across her neck she stopped when she felt the knife mark on her neck. For a moment she saw a man standing in the shadows of the nearest wall but when she blinked he was gone. Shivering slightly, she turned to Satoka.

“Where’s Roan?”

“He’s set up a camp in the woods near the lake.” She said immediately. “I can take you to him if you’d like. I know he’s been wanting to speak with you.”

“Alright.” She nodded before turning to Lexa and taking a deep breath. “What happened to me?”

“What do you mean?” She asked cautiously.

“I can’t remember anything after I left Polis. But I woke up in my room with a bullet hole in my shoulder and feeling like I’ve run twenty miles. So what happened out there? Was it the explosion in the village?”

Lexa looked pained. She shared a look with Anya before clasping her hands behind her back and meeting her gaze. “You nearly drowned is what happened. Your horse came back to Polis terrified and when we sent out search parties you’d fallen through the ice on one of the lakes. When we got you out of the water you weren’t breathing and you were… too cold.” She looked a little perplexed at that but Clarke understood easily enough.

“I was hypothermic.” Lexa nodded and she sighed closing her eyes and rubbing her neck. Great. Now not only did she have to juggle the disappearance of at last half her group she had to juggle with this as well. She didn’t even know what exactly hypothermia was, only that people got it when they were exposed to cold temperatures for too long. Which meant she’d need to access Raven’s radio to get more info from her mom.

Allowing herself two more seconds of rest she automatically felt for the bracelet around her wrist. The small metal links were holding steady and she took a little comfort that at least she hadn’t destroyed her last connection to Niylah. Opening her eyes again she got up and forced herself to stand straight and push her tiredness away.

“Octavia, get Kane on the radio right away. I want to know if anything happened at Arkadia while I was out and if Abby’s available have her speak with me. Satoka, if you could take me to Roan that would be great.”

“Of course,” Octavia hurried from the room and Satoka squeezed Lyra’s hand before getting to her feet.

“Hold on just a moment.” Lexa looked borderline desperate. “Clarke you shouldn’t be standing. You’ve just been through a major ordeal, you can take a break if you want to.”

“I’ll be fine.” She shrugged. “But I can’t take a break, not when my people need me.” Looking to Satoka she gestured for her to lead the way. “I’ll take a break when everyone’s safe and well.” She ignored the hurt on Lexa’s face and followed the ambassador out of the room.

They walked in silence for most of the way. Much to Clarke’s relief they didn’t stay in the tower for much longer, the eerie silence was starting to get to her and the longer they stayed the more jumpy she felt. But when they stepped out of the doors she felt her unsettledness plunge straight to horror.

Gone was the calm, peaceful city she’d gotten used to. There was destruction everywhere she looked. Buildings had been blown apart and lit on fire and in the distance, smoke was still rising from the forest. People picked their way through the rubble, looking for anything or anyone that they could still save.

“Oh my god.” She whispered, covering her mouth. Beside her, Satoka looked ill and she hurried her pace, as if determined to get as far away as possible. Clarke didn’t object, the longer she stayed the more she was reminded of Tondc.

They managed to get through the city without interruption and when they reached the lake Clarke let out a small breath of relief at seeing the erected tents. Some small part of her had been fearing for _Azgeda’s_ safety and she felt a lot better at seeing they were okay. There were still signs of trauma, from the wounds that a lot of the guards sported, but nothing serious.

Satoka breezed ahead to the largest tent and spoke quickly to the guard standing outside who gestured them in. Clarke held her breath as she entered, preparing herself for whatever she was likely to find.

Roan was seated at a small table, his shirt off. A healer was hovering by his side pressing a bandage to a long jagged cut on his chest. Echo was seated opposite him, looking at a map and talking quietly to a young girl sitting beside her. At their appearance they all looked over and Echo scowled, shifting closer to the girl who looked frightened when she spotted Clarke. Roan however, batted away the healer and stood.

“ _Wanheda_ , to what do I owe this honor?” Sarcasm dripped off every word yet she caught the relief behind his words. Well, the feeling was mutual at least.

“ _Haihefa Roan._ ” she said respectfully. “I’ve come to ask you what happened. I have been informed by others, but their answers have been…less than satisfactory. Furthermore, I was hoping I could enlist your help in something.”

Roan nodded gesturing for her to join him at the table. When he spotted Satoka his eyes narrowed but he said nothing and allowed her to have a seat as well. He turned to Echo who was still scowling before looking at the girl who was now staring at her hands.

“I doubt you two have ever met,” he said abruptly, startling them both. “This is Jyn, my niece and heir to the throne.”

Surprised, Clarke turned her gaze on Jyn who looked terrified yet defiant as she met her gaze. “It’s nice to meet you.” She said politely, knowing all eyes were on her. She had to give Roan some credit. By exposing his new ally to the heir it was a test of her allegiance to their deal. It was why she’d told him of Thalia’s identity right away.

“ _Wanheda_.” Jyn responded. Her voice was surprisingly soft, yet the sharp edges of her accent clearly marked her as part of the royal family, and the scars on her face, _Azgeda_.

“Now, I assume you want to know what happened to you during the explosions?” Roan asked her, allowing the healer to resume what he’d been doing.

“Yes. I know I was nearly drowned but the full details have not been made clear to me.”

Roan thought for a moment before gesturing to Satoka. “She would know better than me. After all, she was at the explosion sight when it happened.”

Startled, Clarke turned to Satoka expectantly.

“Some of Lyra _kom Trishanakru’s_ men were trapped in a ravine,” the ambassador began, “you went down into the ravine and told the others it was too steep to follow. Before you could come back up though, a bomb went off in the middle of the village. A search party was sent after you and apparently someone tried to take advantage of your weakened state again by murdering you. But they were thwarted and you were rescued just in time.”

Clarke nodded, digesting this new information. “I assume that that cut on your chest was not a result of the explosions then?” She asked, looking to Roan. “But rather an attacker of some state who was also sent to eliminate you.”

He nodded. “Looks like we were targeted by another rival clan.” He snarled angrily. “The cowards thought they could kill us both in one night and get rid of their enemies.” He banged his fist into the table making Jyn jump in her seat. “When we find who they are, they will be torn limb from limb.”

“Good.” Clarke couldn’t resist a small smile of satisfaction at the words. “I’m glad we can agree about that. But, I have one more thing that I was hoping you’d help with.

“I was hoping that you could spare some of your guards here to help search for some of my people who have gone missing. If there truly is a killer out there with means to dispose of me, than I’m afraid all of their lives are now in danger.”

Roan thought for a minute before shrugging his shoulders. “Yes. But I must warn you that the Commander is not very happy with you right now. If she finds out that you came to me for assistance she may not take it lightly.”

“I’m okay with taking that chance.” She said immediately. “I’ll take full responsibility in that event. As long as everyone is safe.” Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jyn raise her head and give her an odd look.

“Echo. Go gather a group. You’re going with this search party.” Roan waved his hand at her and stood up again.

Echo looked taken aback. “Shouldn’t someone stay with Jyn?” She asked hesitantly.

Roan shrugged, reaching into the nearest bowl of flames and holding up a knife. It’s blade glowed red hot and he pressed it to his chest with a horrifying sizzle of burnt skin. “She can return to the tower. Someone else will stay with her there I’m sure.”

Clarke watched the way Jyn’s lips pressed together in clear disapproval. “I can make sure that she returns to the tower safe.” She offered. “I would protect her from any harm and make sure she is delivered to the tower safely.”

Roan and Echo looked at each other for a moment before Roan shrugged again. “Do what you wish, I don’t care. As long as she is safe when I return tomorrow.”

“I give you my word, nothing bad will come to her.” She vowed earnestly. Secretly she wondered why Roan had even brought her along. It was clear he thought little of her, and she had served no purpose (as far as she could tell at least) since they’d arrived. Reminding herself firmly that this was none of her business she got up and left the tent with Satoka, this time with Jyn in tow.

The entire way back Satoka ignored the young royal with a stiffness that reminded Clarke of the treatment she’d received when she’d first arrived in Polis. Curiously, Jyn didn’t seem to be too perturbed by her hostility and was instead looking around her with curious yet calculating eyes. It was clear she was used to these types of situations and Clarke’s heart ached as she was reminded of Thalia yet again. Hopefully Echo and her guards would find her soon.

She took a couple of steps closer to Jyn, having spotted the familiar pathway to the tower. “Stay close to me.” She instructed her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Jyn tensed but didn’t say anything, just followed as they came within view of the tower steps.

As soon as she saw who was standing on the steps however she was already stiffening up and bracing herself for what was sure to be a real onslaught. Lexa was standing at the top of the stairs, face impassive as ever. However pacing a few steps below her was Kane who looked furious. His head whipped up as they came closer and he looked ready to punch something.

“What were you thinking?” He snapped at her as soon as she started up the steps. “Going off alone in the city with no guards? Do you know how reckless that was?! You could have been killed!”

“I am aware of that risk.” She replied coolly, nudging Jyn over to stand near Satoka. “As Chancellor there is no one more than me that understands that risk. However, if I wanted to ensure the safety of my people and the safety of Arkadia, it needed to be done.”

“No it didn’t!” They were nearly level with Lexa now. “You could have waited for Octavia or asked Lexa to spare some guards. Anything would have been better than walking out of the tower with nothing! For heaven’s sakes Clarke you can’t even walk properly!”

Clarke cursed internally and immediately put more weight on her bad leg. She had forgotten about covering her limp and she felt so tired the pain had barely registered. Maybe Kane had a point in his anger. Still…

“Have you talked to Abby by any chance?” She asked calmly.

Kane shut up fast and she sighed. “Me and my mothers relationship is none of your business Kane. Please stay out of it next time. Now, can you give me a report about the status of Arkadia or do I need to go to find someone else a little less involved.” She gave a quick nod to Lexa before going past her and into the tower. The tension was so thick between them she could probably cut it with a knife.

It would have been a lot less frustrating if she knew exactly why Lexa was upset with her.

Her mood even worse, she headed for the elevator and herded everyone inside except for Satoka who took off up the stairs to go check in on Lyra.

They were standing quietly in the elevator when Jyn turned to her. “Who’s Octavia?” She asked quietly. “Is she your friend?”

Clarke stared at her for a moment before answering. “Sort of. She helps me run _Skaikru_ and I would trust her with my life but I wouldn’t exactly call us close friends. I’m not exactly a friendly person after all.”

Jyn nodded as if it made perfect sense although Clarke had to have sounded insane. “I get it.” She admitted. “Leaders can’t have friends. It makes them stupid and more relaxed and they’d never see an assassin creeping closer and closer.” She turned to smile at her. “ _Hodness laik kwelnes, sha?_ ”

Clarke nodded. “ _Sha_.” Jyn looked mildly relieved at hearing that and she turned back around. For a moment Clarke stood there, frozen. After a while though she became aware of a stinging sensation in her right eye as it watered fiercely. Brushing the liquid away she glanced at her fingers before frowning. In the dim lighting of the elevator the tears on her fingers appeared to be tinged red.

Shrugging slightly, she wiped her hand on her pants and waited for the box to come to a stop. It was probably just a trick of the light or her exhaustion taking over. She was just imagining things. Right?

* * *

**Lexa**

“She’s a stubborn, hard-headed and foolish woman!” Lexa kicked the closest table causing the clay vase resting on top of it to topple over and shatter. Anya winced at the destruction but remained silent.

Lexa whipped around, searching for something else to destroy. “I pull her out of the lake and what does she do? Go traipsing right back over to Lyra as soon as possible.” She knew deep down that blaming Lyra for this problem was not the solution she needed but at the moment she was too wound up to care.

“Now what am I supposed to do? She doesn’t listen to me when I try and keep her safe! She just brushes me off and goes and lands herself in even more danger than before!” She paced back and forth in front of her bed. “Why can’t she see that I’m trying to help her?!”

Anya finally moved from the doorway and a seat in one of the chairs. “Maybe she’s just doesn’t want anyone’s help.” She suggested giving her a pointed look. “I know someone like that.”

Lexa glared at her old mentor. “Not the time Anya.”

The older woman sat up suddenly. “While we’re on the subject of Clarke Griffin maybe we can revisit your decision to go out in the middle of the woods at night to look for her. Because there are some aspects of that that I’m confused about as well. Like why you went alone, with only _Skaikru_.”

“I had guards.” She shot back. “I wasn’t alone and I can handle myself perfectly fine against assassins in case you’ve forgotten.”

“What about assassins with guns?” Anya stood up. “Can you really stop a bullet from hitting and killing you? Because if you have can than by all means please share it with me and tell me I’m wrong.”

Lexa looked away. “You didn’t see her in that lake _Seda_.” She said in a low voice. “You didn’t see Lincoln trying to get her heart starting again or all of us trying to warm her. She was in my arms and safe but she was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.” The memory of Octavia sobbing while they waited, helpless to do anything, flashed through her mind and she shivered, wiping away a stray tear.

“Costia died because I let her go.” She said slowly. “It nearly tore me apart. I will not let the same thing happen to Clarke. But I don’t know how to get through to her.” Her voice wavered embarrassingly on the last word and she swallowed hard.

Anya looked defeated. “Maybe just try talking with her.” She sighed. “Tell her why and if she still ignores you then there’s not much you can do about it. She’s her own person too Lexa and I’m sure she knows what she’s doing. Sometimes the only thing you can do is sit back and let them be who they are.”

Lexa paused for a minute thinking. Finally she just gave her a small nod, not trusting herself to talk at the moment.

**Clarke**

She dropped Jyn off with the only other _Azgeda_ guards in the tower. After that she met up with Kane and spent a tense three hours conversing with her mother about Arkadia’s condition and the effects of hypothermia. Thankfully whoever had bombed Polis had not headed towards her home although she still warned Abby to tighten security and keep a close eye on their current prisoners.

“We don’t know what they’re capable of.” She warned her. “They could easily charm one of the other guards and slit our throats in a heartbeat.”

She didn’t mention the disappearance of the other half of her group and by the time she’d finished helping her mother go through detailed lockdown plans she was thoroughly exhausted. To make matters worse a splitting headache was beginning and she felt nowhere near capable of handling it at the moment.

She was heading for her room when she heard rough voices arguing. Best of all though was the young voice of a teenager she knew very well. With a sudden burst of energy she sped around the corner. Thalia and Jasper were standing with what looked like a mix of _Azgeda_ and _Trishanakru_ warriors, the former arguing heatedly with one of them.

“I told you!” Thalia snapped. “We don’t need your help navigating the tower!” She turned around and caught sight of her, jaw dropping. “Clarke?!”

“Thalia!” Clarke instinctively pulled her away from the guards and into her arms. “Are you okay?” Drawing back she carefully studied her face. “Did anyone hurt you?”

“No.” Thalia shook her head and turned to Jasper, who was standing awkwardly off to the side. “Jasper helped me. If it wasn’t for him I probably would have been badly hurt.”

Clarke was surprised at the words, looking at Jasper suspiciously. For once there was no rage or disgust on his face, only concern and sadness as he watched them interact. It was clear that Thalia was telling her the truth.

“Thank you.” She said quietly. “For keeping her safe. That means more to me than anything.”

He gave her a jerky nod. “She’s just a kid, she didn’t deserve to be in any of that shit out there. It’s what anyone would do.” He gave Thalia a tentative smile and turned around and walked back down the staircase, disappearing back into the hallway.

Clarke turned her attention back to the girl in her arms. “Octavia and Lincoln will probably be overjoyed to see you. Do you feel up for going and finding them?”

Thalia yawned. “Is it okay if we do that later? It was a pretty rough night and I’m exhausted.”

“Of course.” Clarke gave her a worried look, anxious to confirm that she really wasn’t hurt. “Do you need anything to eat or drink?”

She shook her head, swaying slightly. “No I don’t think so. Just lots and lots of sleep.”

“Alright then.” Clarke looked to the guards. “Thank you. Tell Roan and Lyra that I’m extremely grateful for their help in this matter.” They nodded and she gently guided Thalia over to the stairs.

By the time they got to their floor Thalia was basically asleep on her feet. She didn’t protest when Clarke made her change into cleaner clothes and when she finally made it between the sheets she was out like a light. Clarke settled herself quietly onto the blankets beside her, stroking her hair in the way she knew she liked. Eventually though, with the exhaustion she finally let herself feel, she too was falling asleep.

When she woke up again the room was a lot darker than it had been previously and someone was knocking on the door. Rolling over, she checked on Thalia before carefully getting off the bed and heading for the door, still yawning.

Lexa was standing on the other side, hands clasped behind her back and looking solemn as ever. She was still dressed in her Commander’s outfit with nota a hair out of place. Very aware of her tangled hair and rumpled shirt Clarke shifted and cleared her throat.

“Something I can do for you Commander?”

Lexa brought her hands out from behind her back to reveal a familiar piece of neatly folded blue cloth. “I believe this is yours.” She said smoothly.

Clarke lifted the cloak from her hands and shook it out, relieved to find it undamaged. Swinging it around her shoulders she quickly fastened it at her throat, the familiar weight settling comfortably over her shoulders. Even better, when she dipped her hand into the small pocket hidden in the fur underside she found the Chancellor’s pin. When she fastened it to the knot at her throat she felt even more of her tension melt away and she gave Lexa a genuine smile. “I was wondering where this had gone. Thank you for returning it to me.”

“You’re welcome.” Lexa responded looking faintly embarrassed. “I was actually hoping I could ask you a few questions. Alone.” She glanced behind her at the darkened bedroom.

Strangely, Clarke felt no hostility towards her for getting so close to Thalia. Instead she just nodded and carefully closed the door before leading her to her bedroom. As soon as she walked in she went straight to her neat pile of clothes.

“So what did you want to ask me about?” She called over her shoulder, searching for a new shirt.

“Why did you go down the ravine alone?” Lexa asked immediately. “There were plenty of people already there. You could’ve asked for help before going down. Why didn’t you?”

Clarke sighed and abandoned her search for a shirt. Turning around she sank into a chair, gesturing for Lexa to take the other one. “I don’t remember what my thought process was at the moment but I understand why I did it. If anyone else had come down with me and it was too dangerous than they could have gotten hurt alongside me. Especially when I was attacked. I couldn’t just let innocent people get hurt.”

“But you’re constantly throwing yourself into danger.” Lexa retorted, taking a seat. “You never stop to think about what might happen to your clan and to your people if you get hurt.”

“Lexa,” Clarke said gently, “if I die, _Skaikru_ won’t be left helpless. They’ll have Thalia to lead them. My people are no stranger to new leadership either.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Lexa ran her hands through her hair, clearly frustrated. “You don’t think about how your death could affect your family and the people around you.”

“They’re used to death down here.” Clarke said stubbornly. “They’ll move on soon enough.”

Lexa scoffed. “Are you sure about that? Thalia is completely devoted to you, you’re like her mother after all. Octavia and Lincoln are constantly looking out for your wellbeing. Not to mention that your actual mother cares about you too I’m sure.”

Clarke stood up, suddenly a lot less interested in talking. “Don’t talk to me about my mother.” She snapped but Lexa was on a roll.

“All these people need you Clarke! All of them! By shutting yourself away you’re hurting them and isolating yourself.”

“Why do you care about what I do?” Clarke shot back, getting dangerously close. “You’re the Commander, what do you care about how they feel.” Lexa was on her feet now, conscious that she’d overstepped.

Even as she backed up to put space between them and come up with an apology, Clarke kept advancing. Her eye was stinging again and her anger was twisting and writhing painfully in her chest but she ignored it all. She needed answers right now or else the whispers Pike had forced into her mind would never shut up. 

“You don’t know any of us. You’ve never laid eyes on Thalia before I brought her to the capitol and Octavia and Lincoln have changed. _I’ve_ changed. Yet you care about their feelings. About mine. Why? Why do you do this? What are you going to gain by trying to take care of the broken girl that fell from the stars?” The words felt sharp as she said them, but she pushed on. “Why do you care?”

She was so close to the brunette that she could see how tense she was and the worry in her eyes. When she remained quiet, something in her snapped. “What do you want?!” She yelled. “Tell me!”

“I want you.” Lexa blurted out, before slamming her mouth closed, clearly not intending to have said that.

Clarke was promptly stunned. Everything that Pike had ever told her about how Lexa hated her was promptly obliterated. But not his warnings and ‘teachings. Not her ability to accept any sort of emotion and oh there was a lot of emotion just waiting to destroy her as soon as she let it in.

Backing up rapidly she shook her head. “You don’t really want me.” She stammered out. “You just think you do but-”

Lexa let out a growl of frustration and in a few quick steps had drawn even with her. Grabbing her by the shoulders, she stared at her for a moment before kissing her. It was passionate and fast as she poured everything she felt into it. The desperation, the jealously, the relief.

For several seconds Clarke was aware of nothing but the feeling of Lexa’s lips on hers. Her head was spinning and she brought her hand up to cup her jaw pulling her closer for a moment as she responded. Then she raised her other hand, placed it on her chest, and shoved her away. Lexa stumbled slightly before regaining her balance. They were both panting and Clarke knew she was blushing. It only served to fan her anger though. “What. The. _Fuck_ Lexa.”

For a moment Lexa just stared at her lips before suddenly her eyes widened and she herself turned a brilliant shade of red. “I’m sorry.” She got out, not meeting her eyes. “I shouldn’t have tried to force you into something like that.”

She was gone before Clarke could get a word out. She ran her hand through her hair frantically, trying to figure out what had just happened. What felt like a tear dripped down her cheek and she angrily brushed it away before realizing that it was a deep dark red. For a moment she stared at the blood on her finger before crossing to the mirror in the bathroom.

Her left eye looked fine, but her right eye looked a lot different than it had when she’d last looked at it. It was red and the blue looked faded, darker somehow. Like it was changing colors. She stared at her reflection for a moment before looking up. A man was standing near her bed, watching her. His long hood obscured his face yet she just knew he was smiling at her. Rather than the usual consuming fear though, all she felt was rage.

“Leave me alone!” She yelled, grabbing the nearest thing she could find — a water glass — and throwing it. It hit the ground in front of his feet and exploded into a million of tiny glittering shards. He vanished, leaving her alone again. Releasing a groan of frustration she kicked the table and sank to the ground, thoroughly defeated.

**Lexa**

She tried to leave as fast as she could but it wasn’t quick enough to escape the sound of a glass shattering somewhere and a yell. Wincing, she hurried up the stairs, thankful for the absence of guards. At least no one would see how flushed and caught off balance she was.

Ignoring the elevator and the possible threat of running into someone else, she stuck to the staircases. By the time she had reached her room, the mortification had set in and she almost broke her door, she went in so fast. Slamming it closed behind her, she made a beeline for the bathroom. More specifically the large mirror.

Her reflection confirmed her suspicions. Her cheeks and neck were flushed and her hair was in disarray. Closing her eyes she took a couple of breaths, trying to compose herself. What had happened to letting Clarke be whoever she wanted to be?

Reaching a hand up, she brushed her fingertips across her lips remembering what it had been like to feel Clarke respond for a few seconds. She had truly not meant to blurt out her feelings like that. Not meant to kiss her at all, only wanted answers. But she couldn’t bear her talking about herself like that, like no one wanted her.

Opening her eyes again she saw the reflection of a nervous, scared, young woman hopelessly in love staring back at her. “You’re an idiot.” She told her.

Sighing, she reached for a wash cloth and dipped it into a basin of water sitting on the counter. Scrubbing her face off she tried to forget everything that had ever happened. But every time she closed her eyes the only thing she could think of was the feeling of Clarke’s lips against hers followed by the horror and anger all over her face as she pushed her away. Abandoning the washcloth she stripped off her overcoat and walked back to her bedroom area.

“What the hell did you do?” Anya asked from where she was perched against a chair. Rather than anger on her face though, she just looked tired. Lexa was rather grateful for that, she didn’t think she could handle someone else’s anger right now.

“How did you get in here?” She asked in return, throwing her overcoat on the bed. “I distinctly remember locking the door.”

“Well then someone must have slipped something into your tea because the door was not locked when I came here.” Anya gave her a concerned look. “I just got word from _Titus_ that you were running around on the stairs. As much as I hate to listen to any of the lies that come out of that mans mouth, this message sounded particularly worrying.” She trained her dark brown eyes on her. “Did something happen?”

“You could say that.” Lexa rubbed her eyes. “You could definitely say that.” The fact that she didn’t reprimand her mentor about the Flamekeeper spoke volumes.

“I assume the same thing happened to Clarke?” Anya steepled her fingers together. “Because a certain traitor just visited me asking if I had anything to do with the fact that Clarke won’t let anyone into her room.”

“Lincoln is not a traitor anymore Anya.” Lexa sighed. “I lifted his kill order and now he has every right to be in Polis as you do.” The other woman scowled and looked away, jaw working.

“As for your question,” she continued, “yes. I did have something to do with that. Unless something else has happened in the last twenty minutes.” For several seconds she hesitated, wondering what exactly she should say to her. Finally she just decided to tell the truth. “I kissed her Anya.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Anya stood up and went over to her side, shoving her further down the couch before sitting down. “You acted like you did when you met Costia. Tripping over yourself to make her happy and always watching from a distance. It’s pathetic.”

“I’m not pathetic.”

“You kind of are.” Anya smirked a little before leaning forwards. “I know you love her. I can always tell when you’re distracted. I’m just trying to protect you. You probably don’t remember what happened after Costia died but it was...bad. I’d never seen you so affected before and I’m not in any hurry to see it again.”

“Well I think Clarke will be angry with me forever so you don’t have to worry about me and her anymore. It probably wouldn’t have worked out anyways.”

“You messed up that bad?”

“I did. I doubt I can ever fix this.” She cast pleading eyes to her mentor. “What do I do now?”

“I’m not exactly sure. If I were you I would tell her how you feel.” Seeing the look of irritation on her face, Anya held up a hand. “I know you just said that she doesn’t want to talk to you but you don’t have to do it face to face. Get a guard to do it or write it on paper if you’re feeling particularly paranoid. Just get it to her somehow and then be done with it. Either she’ll act on it or not but either way you’ll get your answer.”

Lexa stared at her for a moment before biting her lip. There was no way she would ever tell anyone else besides Anya what she was feeling, so sending a messenger was out of the question. But if she could write her a letter than no one would ever see. Unless someone else got ahold of it…

“I’ll think about it.” She stood up and gestured to the door. “Now can we please go talk to the ambassadors about something else other than my feelings?”

Anya let out a dramatic sigh. “I though you would never ask.” She said, smirking. Getting to her feet she went over to the door and opened it, motioning for her to join her. “Come on, let’s go interview the ambassadors and start positioning the guards around the tower. Nothing like some work to take your minds off of things.”

It was much later when Lexa’s meetings and discussions finally ended and she got some time to herself. After avoiding Titus’ many questions she locked her door and grabbed a mug of _Trikru_ ale, a pen, and a piece of parchment, settling onto the couch.

Someone had lit the fire and with the comforting glow of her many candles she felt a sense of calmness settle over her. Sipping her drink she thought for a moment before setting pen to paper and beginning her letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Lyra didn't give it away you might have noticed with Jyn that those names are from Star Wars. I used only their names, their characters are a lot different than their canon ones and are not related at all. 
> 
> slip daun skai trash - die sky trash  
> dis laik trip yu op - this is your mess  
> yu laik klir nau Klark - You're safe now Clarke  
> Haihefa Roan - King Roan  
> Hodness laik kwelnes, sha - love is weakness, right
> 
> **there are probably mistakes in the treatment given to Clarke. I am not a medical professional, I got most of my info off of the internet**


End file.
